


Gordon Plays Minecraft But He's Pretty Suck At It

by CitrineGator



Series: We’ve known each-other for so long [2]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life But The AI Is Aware
Genre: Body Horror, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Even though its literally never mentioned, Friends to Lovers, Gordon play video game?, Hahaha roomates, Hurt/Comfort, I am literally just rambling about my video game knowledge, M/M, Minecraft is basically just used as a plot device, Multi, Nightmares, No beta reader, Not A Game AU, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Swearing, Temporary Character Death, Trans Gordon Freeman, am i projecting? yeah, but he suck at it, just a little Minecraft, just a little bit though, minecraft i guess, mostly because i do too, never heard that one before i bet, post-cannon, provably goin to be a recurring thing, so there’s angst there too now, yeah he does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 46,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CitrineGator/pseuds/CitrineGator
Summary: Gordon Freeman is finally back home from his Black Mesa expedition. He now has to learn how to live a normal life again after everything he's witnessed, and now there's Minecraft on his computer for some reason? Whaaaaa?
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold/Forzen
Series: We’ve known each-other for so long [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1952236
Comments: 261
Kudos: 512





	1. oooh, video game?

**Author's Note:**

> I literally have not written actual fanfiction in like, four years so, uh, sorry if im a lil rusty.

Gordon Freeman barely registered his own door in front of him. Of course he knew it was the door to his apartment, but the actual details of everything around him seemed to be coming in bits and pieces. Maybe it was from all the teleporting he'd been doing in the past twenty-four hours. Numbly reaching out to open the door, he found his hand missing yet again. The gun arm had almost been preferable to the scarred stump that was there now, at least he could do things with a gun arm. Reaching out with his non-dominant hand, Gordon opened the door. 

He didn't know what he was expecting after having been to hell and back, all options were on the table here. He could have stood outside his apartment for an eternity and anything could have been plausible for the state it could be in. Alas, everything was just as he'd left it before going to work... How many days ago was it now? Gordon couldn't remember. The Science Teams sleep schedule hadn't exactly aligned with the days passing outside, and it didn't help that they couldn't see the sky for most of their journey. 

But after everything Gordon had lived through at the now very exploded Black Mesa, it felt as if he was being thrown into the abyss. Gordon was unemployed for the first time in years, but Gman had promised a hefty sum coming his way soon enough, so that wasn't one of his main concerns just yet. Instead he was honed in on the feeling of his body begging for rest, but with how fast his mind kept whirring, oblivious to his own exhaustion, sleep felt years off. Closing the door behind himself, he stumbled to the couch and gingerly sat down, still half convinced a headcrab or some bullshit was going to round a corner and try to attack him. 

Letting out a nervous chuckle, Gordon undid his ponytail, coursing his fingers through greasy, curled hair. At least he'd get to shower again. But taking the HEV suit off would be a whole nother' issue that he was sure he wasn't equipped to deal with right now. What Gordon was equipped to deal with was backtracking and rationalizing. He was a man of science after all. 

After Xen, The Science Team had been teleported to Tommy's party at a Chuck E Cheese restaurant. Gman hadn't bothered explaining too much aside from the few facts Gordon was now clinging to. 

They all, excluding Benrey, had indeed survived. Whoopee. After the party, they would all be sent to their respective homes as a reward for defeating the Final Boss. Nobody would be having to worry about money for a long while, but Gman still had recommended trying to find another job to help everyone get back into 'the swing of things', whatever that meant after having lived through everything that The Science Team had. And finally, that they all were safe; all the monsters and aliens had been destroyed along with the Black Mesa complex. 

So knowing that, Gordon was safe here, rationality told him that there wouldn't be a golem ape waiting for him in his bedroom down the darkened hallway. But with all the horror he'd seen, he couldn't boot the 'what if' out of his head. It felt humiliating, knowing there was nothing there, but being unable to move from his spot on the couch. 

It was probably better this way anyways, he reasoned, he wouldn't be getting his bed dirty with all the gunk that was bound to be covering the HEV suit that he was currently too exhausted to remove. This was fine. 

Gordon forcibly leaned himself back in the most comfortable sleeping position you could achieve on a couch and in the HEV suit, which was definitely not built for sleeping in. Closing his eyes, he focused on the rhythm of his quick heartbeat. Silently, reminding himself that he was alive. That this wasn't all a trick. That he was going to be okay. 

Somehow his shitty mantra he had kept repeating eased him enough that his body finally pulled the plug and knocked him out. Not for nearly long enough, but after days on end of waking up abruptly to various dangerous situations, it was a hard habit to break. 

Creaking upright, the familiar sight of his apartment renewed the early morning grossness feel he'd been ignoring for the past however many days it'd been now. Definitely needing to shower, Gordon hurried into the bathroom, ignoring the pains in his back from sleeping on the couch, he began the arduous process of removing the HEV suit. 

He would have liked to have said that he took it off carefully, as was company procedure, but after getting the chest-plate removed he lost his patience with it. The feeling of being dirty heavily outweighing a dead companies protocol for expensive machinery. 

His clothes underneath were almost as bad as the HEV suit itself, wrought with stains, most of with from unknown origins. Instead of trying to Google how to remove alien slime stains out of clothing, he opted for throwing them in the trash. Grabbing a quick outfit out of his closet, he hopped into the shower which had warmed up in his brief absence. Showering after not having been able to do so for so long, felt like a gift on its own. Sure it was a pain to awkwardly maneuver around his body with only one hand, but _finally_ getting clean trumped that bad feeling. Plus, it helped him clear his head, as showers tended to do. 

He was finally _back_. No more aliens, no more deadly battles, no more limb trauma, hopefully. As Gordon reveled in the things he would no longer be having to do, he momentarily forgot the things he _would_ be having to do again. 

_Oh shit_. Joshua. His _son_. He'd left him with his sister a state over, knowing this project would take a day or two to finish, up, so he wouldn't have time to watch over him. But _shit_ it'd been way more than a day or two. In fact, he needed to figure out how long it'd been as soon as possible. Not that his sister wouldn't tell him when he called, but he needed to know, at the very least to prep himself. 

___Finishing up his shower as quickly as possible, Gordon slipped into the clothes he'd set out, immediately regretting the hobo-esque outfit he'd chosen. Shuffling into the surprisingly still comfortable outfit, Gordon hurried out of the bathroom. He'd got it back when he was still at MIT and had no care whatsoever for whatever he appeared like. Luckily Gordon had evolved out of that phase, but with a quick glance at the in the hallway mirror, he was back to rocking it again, sporting dark eye-bags for days, wet, un-groomed hair, and that trademark dead eyed stare with a hint of underlying terror. Awesome. His eyes almost immediately caught sight of his phone on the coffee table in front of the couch.___

_____ _

_____ _

Gordon was pretty sure he'd left his phone in his locker at Black Mesa, so it'd probably been destroyed along with the whole building, but apparently Gman was still working his wonders. 

Hesitantly he opened his phone, finding when he'd last opened it, he worked out how long he'd been gone from looking at the date today. And, shit, he'd been gone eleven whole days. _Eleven days_ This was not going to turn out well for him. Immediately dialing his sister, Gordon barely had to wait a second before she picked up, " _Gordon_?" She asked almost hesitantly. 

____

____

___Shuffling the phone in his grip, Gordon nodded, moving into the kitchen, and abruptly remembering she couldn't see him, he coughed, "Uh, yeah, hey Sara."_ _ _

There was silence on her end for a long moment, before she burst into a spiel of yelling which Gordon definitely deserved, " _Yeah, hey_? Gordon you've been missing for nearly two _weeks_! I thought you were _dead_ when I saw the news yesterday! Black Mesa exploded and I thought you were inside!" 

Giving up on trying to hold the phone comfortably, Gordon set the phone on the counter and put Sara on speaker, immediately lowering the volume so not to wake the neighbors, "I know, and I'm more sorry than I could ever tell you right now. There was this whole accident..." Gordon trailed off, debating wether or not she'd call him insane for claiming aliens were the reason he hadn't been able to go home, "There... Was a lot I had to deal with there. I messed up the experiment and a lot of stuff broke. I only barely managed to survive along with a few other scientists working there... I ah, I lost my hand from an accident while we were trying to escape. It slowed down our groups progress and... We barely managed to escape in time." 

The explanation was a lot of lying by the skin of his teeth, but enough of it was true to pass as a decent answer. 

Sara was silent for a long moment before Gordon caught the sound of quiet sobs, "Are you okay?" She asked shakily, "I mean, your alive which is great because I was thinking that this would be a call from your phone from like, medics or something to tell me that you were dead, but... Are you okay? Your hand?..." 

Gordon tentatively felt at the end of the stump of his arm, "I... Its sore for sure, but its not jetting blood all over the place so I think I'm fine for now. It feels strange though," Sara waited in silence for Gordon to finish her question, which its glaringly obvious answer was a _no_ he was _not_ okay, but he couldn't give her a full answer anyway, so why not pull a trick out of the middle schooler guide book, "I'm okay. I'll- I'm doing okay all things considered. Is... Is Joshua okay? I'm sorry for practically dumping him on you but..." 

Sara was quiet for another worryingly long moment before sighing, "Joshuas okay. He was sad your whole experiment or whatever was taking longer than expected but we've kept busy. I hadn't told him about the complex exploding either so he won't think your back from the dead or anything either. He's asleep in the other room right now." 

Shoulders sagging with relief, Gordon leaned over on the counter, "Thats... Really good to hear." 

"Gordon... Will you...Be alright with having Joshua back so soon? I don't want to keep him from you but, after all of that I couldn't imagine trying to deal with that leftover stress along with a kid to take care of." 

And to that, he didn't know what to say. The strong parental instinct to immediately say yes was definitely there but... Sara was right. He could barely glance up without expecting bloodshed. _Had he really spent so much time facing the sight of so much gore that it'd become his new normal_? 

"I- I might need a few days. I don't want to impose or anything but... I don't think I could handle that right now," emotion threatened to overtake him as he leaned over so his forehead was resting on the counter. _God_ , he felt like such a shitty parent. Not even able to face his own son because he was _imagining_ shit in his apartment. 

"Its alright Gordon, I have plenty of vacation days to use still, its not going to be hurting my schedule or anything... And Gordon?" 

"Yeah?" he asked raggedly, forcing himself back upright. 

___"I'm really glad you're alive."_ _ _

___"So am I."_ _ _

___The both of them were hesitant to hang up, but Gordon let her end the call._ _ _

Staring blankly down at his home screen, Gordon felt tears pricking his eyes. Furiously rubbing them away he let out a sharp breath, only glancing up when a notification from his phone jerked him upright on instinct. It was a text, from someone he _knew_ he hadn't programmed in there originally. It made sense though. Gman had given him the phone. Luckily he wasn't back to drop any more bombshells in Gordons life, instead, it was just to inform him that he'd programmed The Science Teams numbers into the phone as well so he could get in contact with them if need be. 

___Sending a bland thank you message in response, he flipped the phone over so its screen was facing the counter. Opening the fridge, he was assaulted by the overpowering smell of just about everything in there being past its expiration date. Wrinkling his nose, he got to work at throwing everything away. He only ended up having to take one trip down to the dumpsters behind his apartment complex, so he called it a success. The only problem now was that he didn't have anything else in his fridge. And having only one arm now, he was pretty sure it was illegal for him to drive. Whatever, he could download some app that could get groceries delivered to his apartment. Either way, there was still stuff in his cabinets that he could eat, not that he was hungry right now anyway._ _ _

___Trudging back up the steps to his apartment rather than using the elevator, Gordon felt the heaviness in his chest returning. He wouldn't mope around while there were things to be done, but the rule to do so was definitely there. He wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep till he felt better about everything, but wellness never came around like that. He was going to be better; for Joshua._ _ _

___First things first, the HEV suit was still sitting on the floor of his bathroom from where he'd discarded it earlier, it'd need to be put away; somewhere he didn't have to look at it anymore. Re-entering his apartment, he padded to the bathroom and collected all the separate pieces of it, and carried it into his bedroom. Opening up his closet, he kicked aside various piles of junk he'd accumulated over the years and never found a place for, before finding what he'd come in here for. An empty plastic tote he hadn't used since moving in here. He'd never gotten around to getting rid of it, but at least it'd be put to use now. If only to hide something he never wanted to have to see again._ _ _

___Opening it up, Gordon dumped the HEV suit inside, then closed the closet doors. As he turned around, he noticed that the screen of his computer had been turned on. The mouse had to be jostled a bit for it to power on, but he hadn't been in here since getting his clothes for the day. His blood ran cold as he caught sight of the application in the middle of the screen._ _ _

___Gordon wasn't a neat freak by any means, but he did keep all of his files on the right side of his computer. He really only used it for work, so it was good to keep the important stuff organized. So seeing an app smack in the center of the screen set off alarm bells in his head.___

_____ _

_____ _

Softly, Gordon creeped forwards, around his bed to where his computer was set on his desk. Nothing else that he could tell was out of place, aside from the newest app on his desktop. Stooping overtop of his chair, Gordons eyebrows knitted together in abject confusion as he stared at the screen. 

" _Minecraft_?" 


	2. in which minecraft brings a man to tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i srsly do not know what to name these chapters so. whatever pops into my head first goes up there. Thats why probably all of them will be nonsense!

Gordon hadn't played Minecraft in years. The last time he could recall was at the beginning of a frat party at one of his old college buddies houses. 

And since he sure as hell hadn't downloaded it on his own, having been at Black Mesa for the past eleven days, the only possibility he could think of was Gman putting it on his computer as an extra present. Tommy probably liked video games, maybe it was just something Gman had assumed everyone would enjoy since Tommy probably did? 

It seemed likely enough. Seating himself down at the computer, Gordon found a large envelope on his keyboard, addressed to a ' _Mr.Freeman_ in a typed looking, yet still handwritten font. Opening it up, Gordon found the money he'd promised yesterday, and he hadn't been kidding when he said 'a vast sum' this could probably get him through the next year or so with extra purchases to spare. And as satisfying as the money was, the game on his desktop was currently more enticing. 

Clicking on the games icon, Gordon waited through a short loading screen before reaching the main menu. As he glanced to the side where his character skin was displayed, he felt his blood freeze in his veins. The skin was just a silly, blocky replica of him, but that wasn't what gave him pause. It was the name above it; his character had already been named instead of loading in with the default one. And out of all the things to choose from, it'd been named Feetman. 

It was just some stupid nickname that Benrey had dubbed him in a moment of nonsense, so it shouldn't have sent as much fear and _guilt_ through him as it did. Pushing that second emotion out of his mind, he hesitantly moved on to select a world. And of course, one had already been made, again with another name that set Gordon on edge. 

_Hug_? Was the name of the world, another one of the things Benrey had said to him while he'd been alive. _While he'd been alive_. Because he was dead. Benrey was dead. Because Gordon had killed him. 

But what if he wasn't. 

Clicking on the world, Gordon waited anxiously through another loading screen that felt like it was taking ten times longer than the previous one. But finally, the world loaded in. Nothing was out of the ordinary, he'd spawned in on a pretty big island with three trees, a few animals and some sugarcane if he remembered the name of that right. Turning his character to survey the rest of the island, he felt the pit in his stomach beginning to grow. 

___A shoddy looking house made entirely of dirt blocks confronted him. It had no door so he could see partially inside the building, but from this angle all he could make out was the corner of a bed. Moving his character closer, he found the house empty aside from the bed. No furnace, crafting table or chests. It didn't look like anyone had actually done anything here, aside from building the structure._ _ _

___"Yo."_ _ _

Gordon froze. That... Had come out of his speakers, along with being registered as in game text from an unknown user. 

Whirling his character around, Gordon nearly choked, " _Benrey_?" 

"Haha, yeah it's me bro." 

He was horribly out of place in the game, sporting all his natural human shapes and proportions, it was like he'd clipped from real life right into Minecraft. Knowing him thats probably exactly what happened. Nothing about him was square or pixelated, it was just... Benrey. In Minecraft. He was partially submerged in the water, hovering unnaturally instead of bobbing up and down to signify he was swimming. But breaking the natural state of things seemed to be his forte, so there he floated. 

"Can... You _hear_ me?" 

He tilted his head slightly, "Uhh, yeah dude. Thats how conversations _work_. Of course I can." 

"But we _killed_ you. You're supposed to be dead." 

"Oh, yeah." he folded his arms across his chest, "Uh, that was, ouch, yeah. Sucked big time. Didn't work though. I'm back now." 

"But _why_? Why couldn't you have just stayed dead!" 

___Benrey squinted at him, his mouth flattening into a downturned line, "Being dead sucks bro. Why would I do that. Also, you uh, never showed me that passport of yours. Gotta', follow up on that. Cant just let you running around without your passport or anything."_ _ _

Gordon groaned, leaning back in his chair, "Listen Benrey, I can't deal with you right now. I- I've got more important things to do than cater to whatever stupid games you're trying to play still. Why are you even _here_?" 

"In Minecraft?" he asked dumbly. 

"Yeah Benrey, why are you in _Minecraft_." 

___"I uh, figured it be an easy game for you. Non-gamer wouldn't know how to play Doom-Eternal, kinda cringe to be honest. So uh, went easy baby mode for little Feetman."_ _ _

___"No!" Gordon hissed "Why are you in my computer in the first place Benrey!"___

He shuffled nervously in the water, kicking up a spray of blue pixels as he shrugged. Suddenly he coughed, spitting out a stream of indigo to yellow sweet voice, "Bluh, uhh... Wha?" 

"Goddamn it Benrey get out of my computer! I can't just have you fucking around in here!" 

"Not like you couldn't afford to fix it if I _did_ break it," he huffed, "With all those... Boons Gman gave you." 

Gordons eyes darted to the camera at the top of his computer before focusing back in on Benrey on the screen, "Can you _see_ me?" 

"Dude I _told_ you already. We are having a conversation here, yeah I can see you. Idiot doesn't think I've got eyes or something?" 

Gordon lurched upright, stumbling away from his computer, "Benrey you'd better get the fuck out of that computer before I take a brick to it." 

"Geez, fine, whatever. Ruin my surprise, fine." 

As the tab closed itself, Gordon froze amidst his slow creeping away from the machine. _Surprise_? 

___His chair hadn't been occupied after he'd left it, but it very much so was now. Benrey was seated there, leaning back casually, wearing his ever present mask of aloof neutrality, "Sup."_ _ _

Gordon gaped at him, "How the _fuck_ did you do that." 

"Uhh, teleportation dude. Ive always been able to do that though. This ain't new Feetman, you sure you didn't take a brick to yourself by accident?" 

"No, that is _not_ how teleporting works; you can't just jump in and out of computers!" 

Benrey sighed, spinning himself in the chair, "Well how would _you_ know?" He sniped, "You've never teleported before. Also I'm actually uh, good at games. I've achieved gamer status. _All_ the best gamers can teleport in real life... Just how it works bro." 

Gordon ran his hand through his frizzy hair, "Benrey you can't _be_ here. You need to leave." 

___"Wow, rude. Gordon Rudeman. No sense of hospitality. What if I wanted some ice-water?"_ _ _

"Did you not hear me?" Gordon seethed, his breath coming quicker as he stood his ground, "Get the fuck out of here." 

Letting loose an annoyed snort, Benrey stopped spinning in the chair, "Ugh, _fine_. You're so boring now bro." 

And in another heartbeat, he was gone again, vanishing without a trace. Stumbling from his room, Gordon barely made it past the bathroom before collapsing against the wall. _Goddamn it_. He was supposed to be _dead_. And now he was probably fucking everything up by being alive again. If Gman found out he'd probably send all of them back to Xen or something for not killing him properly. Gman said he'd sent them back as a reward for killing Benrey, so if he was alive they didn't do it right. He might never see his son again. Joshua could grow up without a Dad. All because Benrey _had_ to come back and fuck everything up again. 

A heavy sob wrenched itself from Gordons chest as he keeled over, warm tears stinging his eyes as he slid down the wall. He'd only _just_ gotten back. He couldn't loose everything again. Maybe Tommy could convince his Dad not to kill everyone for Gordons failure. He was his son right? That had to mean something. 

Fumbling for his phone in his back pocket, Gordon squinted through a haze of tears at his contacts list. And just as promised, there was Tommy Coolatta under the T's section. Raking in a few steadying breaths so it didnt sound so much like Gordon had just had a momentary breakdown, Gordon pressed call. He waited for three rings before Tommy picked up, "Hello Mr. Freeman! I hadn't expected you to be calling so soon." 

"Yeah, uh, sorry about that. But I uh, need your help. I... Need to talk to you about something. So could you like... Come over?" 

"I'd be more than happy to help Mr. Freeman, but I don't know where your house is." 

___Oh, "Uh, right, here I'll text you the address and whatnot. But, could you come over like...soon?"_ _ _

___Tommy was quiet for a brief moment, in which he could hear a distant bark on the other line and some shuffling, "Yeah, of course Mr. Freeman. I'll be there in a bit!"_ _ _

___"Thanks Tommy."_ _ _

___Hanging up, Gordon texted him his apartment complexes address and his room and floor number._ _ _

___Leaning his head back against the wall, Gordon wiped away the tears still laden in his eyes. He shouldn't be crying over this; Tommy would probably know what to do, he'd be fine. Unsteadily, he got to his feet, purposefully ignoring the strange sensation that flashed through his arm as he moved to press his non-existent hand against the wall to help himself up._ _ _

___With nothing left to do but wait, Gordon paced the length of his living room, probably wearing tracks in his carpet, tossing varying degrees of worried stares down the hall to where his bedroom door was still opened slightly from time to time. When a knock finally came at his door, Gordon nearly jumped out of his skin. Fumbling with the lock, he opened the door to reveal a worried looking Tommy, who's expression only intensified after giving Gordon a once over._ _ _

___"Mr. Freeman, you... Don't look so good."_ _ _

"Well I don't _feel_ so good either," seeing Tommys frown deepen, Gordon glanced down to the ground between them, "Sorry, I've... Been a little more than stressed out. But, I do need your help." 

"That is what I'm here to do Mr. Freeman." 

___Wearily, Gordon stepped aside, waving Tommy in, he glanced down the hall checking to see if Gman had already caught on to whatever Benrey was pulling. Leaning back inside, he closed the door and lead Tommy down the hall to his still slightly ajar bedroom._ _ _

___Not really wanting to go back in, Gordon glanced over to Tommy, "I know everything's supposed to be normal now that we got back from Black Mesa, but some shit just went down and I don't know if it means stuff is going to start blowing up again."_ _ _

___"What happened?"_ _ _

Gordon worried at his lip, his gaze flickering back to the now black screen of his computer, "So, first off, I don't have any games on my computer, but when I was putting stuff away earlier I noticed Minecraft of all things was on there. And I haven't played that game in years, let alone thought about buying it, so while I was checking it out, uh... Benrey was on there. Like. Inside the game, not pixelated or anything, just. He was in Minecraft. And then he _teleported_ into my chair over there." 

"Benrey has always been able to teleport Mr. Freeman." 

"No, I _know_ that, it's just, he's never teleported from a game to real life." 

"Yeah that is a little strange I guess," Tommy tapped his chin thoughtfully, "And he wasn't even in- like, made of blocks?" 

"No, he was just, there. But isn't this like, bad for us? Gman only sent us back for defeating Benrey, won't he be mad since he's back now?" 

___"I don't think so... We did still beat him in the Boss Fight, so I think we're okay."_ _ _

___So his momentary freakout had been for nothing. Nice. Still, the guy who helped get his arm cut off was living in his computer, and that wasn't exactly a comforting thought, no matter how chill about it Benrey had been about it._ _ _

"Well, thats a relief at least," Gordon shook his head, "But I still don't get why he would choose to come _here_." 

___Tommy shrugged, "I'm not really sure either Mr. Freeman, but he isn't here anymore."_ _ _

___"Yeah, I uh, told him to leave."_ _ _

Tommy frowned at him, "He just got here Mr. Freeman, I think you maybe could have been nicer to him." 

"He tried to _kill_ all of us Tommy." 

____

____

___"But he didn't want to! He said so when we were in that red pit in Xen! He didn't want to hurt anybody! I- I think he would- he feels bad about what he did."_ _ _

___"Nobody told him to try and kill us, but he still did! Plus he helped cut my arm off!"_ _ _

___"But so did Bubby, and you forgave him!"_ _ _

___"Bubby didn't harass me throughout our entire journey through Black Mesa either."_ _ _

___The look on Tommy's face said he thought differently, and thinking back, yeah, okay, Bubby had been kind of an ass the whole time, but he hadn't purposely followed Gordon around for the sole purpose of antagonizing him, that was just how he was. Shaking his head, Tommy looked to Gordons computer, "Mr. Freeman I'm positive Benrey isn't- he didn't come back to cause any more trouble for you. So, I- I think you should try to be nicer to him. We all... We did kill him once, and it probably hurt his feelings. But I still think he doesn't want to be bad."_ _ _

___Tommy was the only one out of The Science Team who'd never lied to him. Gordon trusted him above everybody else, so there had to be at least _some_ truth to what he was saying. Benrey had told him that he didn't want to be bad, but Gordon had made him bad, but he'd passed it off as in the moment bullshit. Maybe... Gordon had been in the wrong? ___

___Guilt squirmed through his gut as he considered that. He'd sent Benrey flying on more than one occasion for the stupidest of reasons, he'd shot him before. Multitudes of times, just for being annoyed with him. Suddenly Gordon was very glad he no longer had the gun arm to shoot things with. If he was going to misuse it just for shooting people when he was _annoyed_ he definitely didn't need it. Gordon probably should try to be nicer, sure Benrey had been antagonistic the whole time, but he'd never _shot_ Gordon. The most he'd done was help chop his arm off, and as Bubby had explained earlier, neither of them knew the U.S. Army was going to do that. ___

____

____

___"Okay," Gordon breathed out, "I'll try Tommy. No promises, but... I'll try to be nicer I guess."_ _ _

Tommys features visibly brightened, relief washing over his previous anxious expression, "Thats- Thats good. I'm glad Mr. Freeman." 

"Yeah well... I think I've been a little unfair to the guy. Thanks for your help Tommy." 

The other man nodded, "Your welcome Mr. Freeman, I'm happy to have helped. But, I've got- Sunkist needs to be taken on a walk before it gets too hot outside for her, so I've got to get going." 

"Alright, well, I hope you guys have fun with that." 

"We will Mr. Freeman." 

Gordon walked Tommy to the door and waved as he left, only closing the door when he was out of sight. 

Well. He guessed he had some apologies he needed to get started on then. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahah maybe two of my irls are reading this now so, uhhrhhgrrrmm. Hi :)  
> PLEASE don't reference this for future blackmail. I know its cringe guys.. I promise im just joking here.... hahahah, see guys, there's a laugh. totally joking. This totally isnt because I really wanted to write this so bad you have no idea. 
> 
> anyways uhh!! Benrey and Tommy time!! Idk when I'll get to introducing Coomer, Bubby and the other guys but. Im thinkin abt it.


	3. soup time baybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me describing my own minecraft gameplay experience: yesss, yessssss, yesssssssss!!!!!

Anxiously, Gordon started back down the hallway toward his bedroom, again pausing just outside the threshold, as if entering the room would make a difference in wether he'd be able to back out or not. He'd told Tommy he was going to make nice, so thats what he was going to do. 

Cautiously, he padded into the room, half expecting Benrey to materialize out of thin air again, just to make fun of him for being nervous. Sitting down in his chair without incident, Gordon shook the mouse, lighting the screen of his computer back up. No tabs were opened, but Minecraft was still sitting in the center of his desktop. 

Opening it up, Gordon re-entered Benrey's world; the guy didn't seem to be around anymore, so Gordon set to exploring the island he was on instead. He wasn't just going to _not_ play, he still did enjoy Minecraft to an extent. He didnt remember being very good at it, but it was still a fun game. 

The island was pretty basic materials wise, really only sporting the trees as its main resource. There was a big tunnel leading below-ground on the other side of the island that Gordon hadn't ventured into yet, but he'd get there eventually. First he had to get some wood. 

__He mined each of the trees on the island, making sure to plant the saplings they dropped, Gordon got down to crafting the basic items he'd need. Right in the middle of crafting a wooden pickaxe, Gordon caught sight of something shifting in the darkened part of his screen. Abandoning his tool making, Gordon exited out of the crafting table's menu. Only just managing to hold himself together, Gordon let out a sharp breath. Benrey, who still hadn't learned what personal space was apparently, was inches away from his characters face, staring intently._ _

__"Didn't mean to uh... Interrupt your crafting bro, carry on. Craft away."_ _

__"Actually, I- we need to talk."_ _

__Leaning back slightly, Benrey turned away to where his helmet was obscuring his eyes, "Uh, yeah? I mean, no. We're talking right now aren't we? Whats the big deal."_ _

__"I mean, in like, real life. Can you... Do the thing you did last time? Like, pop back in here?"_ _

"Well you didn't like it when I did that last time. Cringeman started uh... Yelling at me to go away. Pretty rude bro. Just trying to be nice." 

"Yeah, I know that _now_ and I want to tell you I'm sorry. It- I'm not going to tell you over Minecraft though, so like, could you just come out here?" 

Benrey whipped around to face him, flinching away from the screen, Gordon waited for him to advance, but he remained a respectable distance away, "Whats wrong with Minecraft huh? Not good enough for Feetman? Doesn't meet your standards?" 

"Dude, _please_ I don't want to be cheap about this. I'm really trying to be genuine with you right now." 

Benrey affixed him with a strange stare that seemed to bore right through him. Finally, he let out a disgruntled sigh, "Alright, fine." 

As the tab closed itself again, Gordon bounced his knee nervously, trying to prep what he was going to say in his head. He didnt get too long to formulate anything though, because after another second, Benrey settled back into into Gordons plane of existence, lying sprawled out on his bed. Rolling over onto his stomach, he cradled his head in his hands, watching Gordon semi-curiously, "Whats up man." 

Turning in his chair, Gordon tugged idly at the hem of his shirt, really not wanting to look, but forcing his eyes to meet Benrey's. 

"I just wanted to say that, I've been like, _really_ shitty to you. I mean, yeah you annoyed me and and pissed me off a lot, but none of that really warranted all the backlash I gave you for it. Chopping off my arm was still really not okay, and I'm probably not going to be over that for a long time, but you didn't know that was going to happen. And neither did Bubby, but I put all of that blame on you and it really wasn't fair of me at all. And back on Xen I _ignored_ everything you'd been saying instead of listening, and we all probably could have worked things out, but I didn't-" another sob hiccuped its way out of Gordons throat. 

Laughing feebly, Gordon half turned away so he couldn't see Benrey who was probably sneering as he tried to stifle his tears, "But yeah, I killed you and it wasn't what I should have done. And sorry for yelling at you earlier too." 

_Damn_ , Gordon was really going for all those crybaby points today wasn't he. Wiping his face off, he risked a cautious glance in Benrey's direction. 

Instead of the smirk he'd expected, the guy looked horrified. He'd moved from lying on his belly to sitting on the edge of the bed closest to Gordon, but still leaning away, looking like he'd rather be dealing with anything else, "It's uh... It's alright bro, didn't- my feelings aren't hurt or anything. It's all just stuff anyway; past is the past and all that." 

___With a cough, pale white to blue bubbles of sweet voice floated from Benrey's lips, dissipating into light smoke as they touched the ceiling, "Are you uh, good now?" Benrey asked almost hesitantly._ _ _

___"Yeah," Gordon sniffed, wiping his eyes once more, "I'm alright... Do you ah, want anything to eat?"_ _ _

___Nodding vigorously Benrey jerked upright, apparently eager to move past whatever had just happened, "Yeah uh, sounds good bro."_ _ _

___Getting to his feet, Gordon plodded past him out to the kitchen, rooting through his cabinets to see if he had anything good to eat. Nothing was screaming breakfast food to him, so he settled on soup, that was easy enough._ _ _

___Taking two cans out, Gordon hunted through the silverware drawer for a his can opener, realizing too late as he grabbed it that he needed two hands to use it. Frowning, Gordon looked over his shoulder to ask Benrey for help opening the cans, only to see he wasn't there._ _ _

___Backtracking through his apartment, Gordon found him in the hallway, staring blankly at the framed photos on the wall. Most of them were of Joshua at various points over the years, but there were a few of him and Joshua both, and one off to the side of him, his ex and Joshua all together on the day they'd adopted him._ _ _

___Benrey's gaze slowly tore from the photos, "Your son uh... Doesn't look as shit here."_ _ _

Wrinkling his nose at him, Gordon elected to take the high road of not commenting, "Just... Come over here and help me open these cans." 

Following Gordon back to the kitchen, Benrey grabbed ahold of one of the soup cans, and just as Gordon was going to grab the can opener from the drawer again, Benrey carved the metal top of the can clean off. 

Gordon watched in a mixture of awe and confusion as Benrey clawed the top of the second can as well. 

"Uh, thanks." 

Benrey grinned at him, his fanged smile reminding Gordon just how inhuman he actually was, "Yeah, score two for team Benrey." 

___Taking out two soup bowls, Gordon emptied the cans into them, then placed both inside the microwave. While their food heated up, Gordons rinsed the now empty cans out, watching Benrey fiddle with his helmet out of the corner of his eye."_ _ _

___"You aren't being sneaky."_ _ _

___Fumbling the can in his hands, Gordon did his best to pass it off as an attempt to move it to the trash, "Well I wasn't trying to be."_ _ _

___Benrey hummed dismissively, "Nah, not a very good Liarman either. Going to be uh, outta' a job soon if you don't up your game bro. Try harder next time."_ _ _

___Luckily, Gordon was saved from having to puzzle out a response from the chiming of the microwave. Grabbing a paper-towel to hold the bowls with, Gordon took the closest one to Benrey, who'd seated himself at his dinner table, then set his own down across from him._ _ _

___Retreating back to the kitchen for spoons, the question of why Benrey had even been in Gordons computer recurred to him. Gman had said at Tommys party that everyone aside from Benrey was alive, so he'd managed come back on his own sometime after that and had later hopped into his computer._ _ _

___It was probably useless to ask him all of that at once so he'd start off small._ _ _

___Handing a spoon to Benrey, he awkwardly fed himself with his non-dominant hand, earning a laugh out of Benrey when he spilled on himself. Deciding after dropping nearly a spoonful of soup on his lap for the second time, he decided he'd bullshitted enough time away and dropped his spoon in his near empty bowl._ _ _

___"So... What happened to you? After Xen."_ _ _

Keeping his eyes glued on the table, Benrey slurped audibly for a near unbearably long moment before responding, "Uhh, wha?' 

Gordon let out a heavy sigh and slumped back in his chair, "I really don't want to do this with you Benrey. Cant you just give me _one_ straight answer. For once." 

"That'd uhh, break my streak bro. Already racked up so many points there I've ah, gotta keep going. You know how it is," he mumbled, taking another slurp that just about sent Gordon flying across the table, "Besides, I uh. Don't really know." 

That was enough to give him pause, "What do you mean you don't know." 

"Means I don't know Feetman. Just uh, woke up here. Didn't really know what was going on. Sure as hell wasn't in Xen anymore. But I uh, got bored chilling in your house so... Put Minecraft on your computer. Real cringe of you not to have it on there already. What else is a computer even for." 

" _Work_?" 

"Yeah, uh, no, sounds dumb. Don't do that." 

"Well I won't be having to, seeing as Black Mesas gone now." 

___Benrey blinked languidly, "Really?"_ _ _

___"Yeah, apparently the place blew up soon after you uh. Kicked it."_ _ _

Slowly, a large smile creeped over his features. Putting his fangs on full display once more, he let out a drawn out ' _nice_ '. 

Gordon couldn't help the short burst of laughter that bubbled up from his chest at that, "Yeah I guess so. The work conditions really sucked." 

Benrey's smile faded as his expression delved back into its neutral state, "Did they?" 

___"Uh, yeah. I mean, out of anyone you should know, you were a security guard there right? Didn't you just get treated like shit by self-important old guys all day?"_ _ _

___"Well, yeah, duh, but I uh, didn't actually work there bro. I mean like. I did, but uh, not really."_ _ _

___Gordons eyebrows drew together in confusion as he considered the man across the table from him, "You didn't work there?"_ _ _

"I uh... Lived there bro. Im not human remember. Told you that- ages and ages ago." 

"No I got that already, but you _lived_ there? Like the only living quarters down there are for the peeper puppies and other alien shit they managed to get..." And finally the puzzle pieces snapped together for him, "You _lived_ down there?" 

Benrey shrugged, "It uh, wasn't too bad. Being alien shit. Basically got whatever I asked for. Doesn't really matter." 

Fuck, it _did_ matter to Gordon. And he wasn't really sure _why _it did, but he wasn't going to dwell on the why right now. At least it all made a little more sense now. With Benrey's lack of social cues and completely abstract behavior.__

____

____

"Had you ever been outside Black Mesa before?" 

"Few times I guess. When I was like, a little baby. Cringe times; played in the dirt and stuff." 

For some reason the idea of Benrey never been able to experience life to the fullest made his heart sink. Well, at least he'd have the time to make up for it now, since he wasn't being kept prisoner there anymore. 

"Okay that is just- I don't even know where to begin with this. But that, like. Really sucks." 

Benrey shifted uncomfortably in the chair, glancing abruptly away from Gordon, "If it uhh, sucks so bad you could... Uh, make it up to me by letting me play Mario Kart. Don't lie, I saw your Wii out there. Didn'tt uhh, hide it very well under that T.V. bro. My uh, gamer senses sniffed the cringe system out." 

"You know what? Knock yourself out. Just, if you're getting up, you get to do the dishes." 

His eyes glinting in the fluorescent light, Benrey sprung into action, reaching across to take Gordons bowl as well as his own, he darted into the kitchen to wash dishes with a fervor Gordon had never seen. 

It was probably just relief that he didn't have to figure out how to put stuff in the dishwasher with one hand, but as he glanced to Benrey at the sink, he felt a nice warmth growing in his chest. 

There were worse roommates to have, Gordon remembered a brief one from his college days who refused to ever take out the trash, or throw any of his garbage away for that matter. At least Benrey would do the dishes. Maybe... This wouldn't be too bad after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk WHY this chapter was so hard for me to write, but like. Put a mental toll on me to write about making soup. Anyway, im p sure this chapters shorter but, whatever.


	4. REAL gamers do eachothers hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Indulgent little excerpt about pokemon because i love them with all my heart. And am I really going to put some amount of angst into every chapter? Yeah probably >:)

Well, at least Gordon hadn't been wrong. Overall, Benrey was a pretty good roommate. He cleaned up after himself and mostly kept out of Gordons way aside from mealtimes where he'd harass Gordon into letting him help. He'd honestly been relieved at the prospect of not having to make food for them both on his own, but he wouldn't just come out and _tell_ Benrey he appreciated the help. The guy would probably get full of himself and stake claim to more around the apartment than he already had. 

Gordon didn't have any spare bedrooms, so Benrey had settled for sleeping on the couch. He should probably get him an air mattress or something, but he didn't really have anywhere to put it without some major furniture rearranging, so on the couch he'd stay. Benrey'd also commandeered just about every console Gordon owned. Which, albeit, weren't that many, but somehow, he kept finding more Gordon hadn't remembered getting. 

At some point he'd dug Gordons old 3DS along with all the games he owned, from his closet, and was slowly but surely working through them. When he'd gotten around to Gordons Pokemon Soul Silver game, he'd made sure that Benrey didn't erase the save file on there and just continued from where he'd left off. Admittedly, he hadn't gotten far in the game, only to the third gym, but he had good memories of playing that game, and didn't want all of his specially nicknamed Pokemon erased. 

But an 'overall' didn't cover everything, and Benrey still managed to get on his nerves quite easily. Only minutes after setting up Gordons Wii he'd started complaining about the Daisy CPU, claiming that she was throwing off his rhythm by being too ugly. But Daisy was _not_ ugly, and was, in fact, the best out of the three princesses thank you very much and maybe Benrey just wasn't as good as he'd claimed to be at Mario Kart. Which he'd responded to by blue shelling Daisy his first chance and winning all three races, a feat Gordon had never managed to do which only made Benrey all the more smug. It was the first of many spats they'd gotten into over the past few days, but luckily they all blew over relatively quickly. Probably because they all were based in stupid bullshit anyway. 

The two of them weren't currently in an argument, but Gordons nerves were shot as if they were. He'd called into the hospital a day after Benrey appeared in his apartment about prosthetics and had managed to score a same day appointment for inspection. He'd ended up coming back with that he'd be needing surgery to even try and attach one. All his nerves had to be in the right places and since it'd been so long since his arm had been chopped off, they were no longer in the spots where they needed to be. And so today, Gordon would be going in for surgery to get that fixed. 

He'd be unconscious for the whole procedure, unlike when he'd been getting his arm removed in the first place, but he couldn't help re-envisioning that whole scenario. 

The feeling of the soldiers boot grinding against his temple, the quiet laughter and chiding voices in the distance. The sharp sound off the knife being wihdrawn from its sheath and the sharp iron smell of his blood on the air. 

Keening softly, Gordon leaned his head down against the bathroom counter. He was _choosing_ to do this. He'd be gaining use of his right arm again. It would be fine. But the fact of the matter was, Gordon _wasn't_ fine. 

The rest of The Science Team was coming to see him off to his surgery, which Gordon felt was completely unnecessary, but Dr. Coomer had insisted, and he hadn't wanted to argue over something so simple. They'd be here in about a half hour to pick Gordon and Benrey; who'd also decided to come along as a last minute decision, but Gordon couldn't bring himself to move from his spot by the sink. Much less try and attempt once more to put his hair up. 

Forcing himself to take in deep, shaky breaths, he waited with his head down till he was feeling well enough to come back up without feeling like he'd vomit. Unfortunately, the 'feeling well enough' didn't happen as soon as Gordon would have liked, so as Benrey popped into view, he jerked backwards so abruptly he knocked his head on the towel rack behind him. 

___Sliding down the wall instead of staying on his feet, Gordon glared at Benrey accusingly from the floor, "Jesus man... You know announcing your presence is the polite thing to do instead of walking in unannounced."_ _ _

___Benrey shrugged, moving to sit down with Gordon on the floor, "Didn't uh, feel like it. Is... Your, uh, head okay bro? Don’t got a sick helmet like me to protect that noggin. All uh, weak and squishy on that head."_ _ _

___"Yeah its fine, " Gordon said with a sigh, shifting slightly to make room for the bigger man, "I just ah... It's been hard to put my hair up having one hand and I want to look at least semi-decent for when the rest of The Science Team comes. The last time Tommy saw me I was a virtual wreck. Can't... Let everybody think I can't take care of myself or anything."_ _ _

Benrey eyed the brightly colored hairband twined around Gordons fingers, "Little uh, Babyman want some help? Cant tie his hair on his own? Does he uh... Need his good old buddy to help him out?" 

Gordon squinted at him, trying to gauge wether he was going to use this against him later to get his way for helping him. 

" _Fine_ ," He sighed, hesitantly scooting upright and handing the neon band to Benrey, "Just, try not to yank out my hair or anything. I haven't been able to brush it well so its probably pretty tangled." 

Reaching up onto the counter Benrey grabbed ahold of Gordons hairbrush, "Don't worry bro, I've got this. Like a uh, master hairstylist over here. Ive played Barbies Hair-salon on GirlsGoGames plenty of times. I do hair so good, just you watch." 

Gordon was not as confident in Benrey's skills as the other man seemed to be, but he turned his back to him anyway. His need to look presentable to the others outweighing how Benrey would probably just pull at the knots in his hair. The guy had a short haircut anyway, he probably didn't know anything about long curly hair in the first place. 

Tensing as Benrey brought the brush up to his head he prepped to have it yanked through. But was pleasantly surprised at how gentile Benrey was, combing through his hair sections at a time, and running his fingers though each section to make sure he hadn't missed anything. It was actually... Pretty nice. 

Gingerly, Benrey scooted closer so his knees were close to pressing against Gordons lower back. Gordon leaned back slightly, definitely _not_ into Benrey's touch, but to help the other guy out so he didn't have to keep reaching. Finally, gathering all of Gordons, now un-knotted hair, he deftly threw it into a ponytail. 

___Inching away, Gordon glanced back at Benrey, "Thanks, I really-"_ _ _

___Interrupted by a knock at the door, a familiar sense of alarm flashed through Gordon. Struggling to his feet, and using Benrey's shoulder as a lifting point, he hurried to the door. And waiting just outside was The Science Team._ _ _

___"Hello Gordon!"_ _ _

___He managed to squeeze out a "Hello Dr. Coomer." As the older man drew him in for a tight embrace. As Gordon was released and allowed to breathe again, he glanced to Bubby and Tommy warmly, "It's really good to see you guys."_ _ _

___As Tommy opened his mouth, probably to respond in the like, he was drowned out by Bubby's snark, "Yeah, and you look like shit."_ _ _

___There it was._ _ _

___"Well- Mr. Freeman is having a big day today!" Tommy defended him but still didn't deny the statement. Well there went his whole effort of tying his hair up to fool them into thinking he was doing alright._ _ _

___Benrey scooted out from behind Gordon, earning a pleasant smile from Dr. Coomer, "And it's good to see you as well Benrey. Back in tip-top shape?"_ _ _

___"Uh, yeah. Total fighting form."_ _ _

___As Gordon was thrown into a flashback of their fight on Xen, The Science Team's banter drifted on easily without him. Only jerked back into reality as Dr. Coomer clapped a hand on his shoulder, "We'd better get going, wouldn't want to be late, would we Gordon?"_ _ _

___It felt as if there was a hidden query beneath the older mans words, but Gordon didn't have the energy to try and decode what it was, "Uh, yeah, let's get going."_ _ _

___As their group plodded down the stairs, since Bubby apparently didn't trust elevators, Gordon felt his anxiety about the surgery returning. He kept repeating to himself that he wouldn't be awake for it, and likely wouldn't be for the rest of the day. But he still couldn't help envisioning the knife as it drew closer to his arm._ _ _

___Blue popped against the side of his face._ _ _

___Benrey was staring steadily at him, remnants of blue smoke still spilling from his half parted lips, "Uh, calm down? Please?"_ _ _

___Gordons heart was still racing, but he could tell the sweet voice had helped a little. Trying his best to smile, which still came out as more of a grimace despite his effort, Gordon nodded._ _ _

___"Yeah... I'll try."_ _ _

Seemingly satisfied, Benrey blinked, turning away to resume his conversation with Tommy. As they exited into the parking lot Gordon briefly wondered who'd be driving them all, but his unspoken question was quickly answered as an expensive, eyesore yellow colored car flashed its headlights at them. After witnessing Bubby's driving skills in Black Mesa he'd be glad if he never had to get in a car with the guy ever again. Dr. Coomer was more reasonable but we was prone to acting on wild shit for kicks and giggles, so Gordon was glad Tommy was the one driving. He didn't need any more injuries when he was already on his way to the hospital. 

Hopping into the passenger seat unchallenged, Gordon pulled on his seatbelt with minimal difficulty. 

As they got on the road, Tommy cranked up the radio and rolled down all their windows. Gordon was tempted to try and roll his back up with how it was blowing his hair around, but everyone seemed to be having a good time and he wasn't going to be the one to ruin that. Leaning back in his seat, Gordon closed his eyes, trying to revel in the comfort of his friends all around him. 

Of course, nothing can last forever, especially with Gordon living in the middle of the city being pretty close to the hospital already. Parking was a whole different beast to deal with, but they managed not to circle around for too long. 

Walking into the hospital, followed by his boisterous entourage, he made his way up to the tired looking receptionist. 

"I've got an appointment in like, a half an hour?" 

Putting on a surprisingly quick mask of fake cheer they handed him a waiver, "What for?" 

"Ah," Gordon waved his stump into view, " Surgery for this. Don't remember what the procedures called, sorry." 

Luckily the receptionist didn't bat an eye at his complete lack of medical terminology. He had a PHD in physics okay, not _this_. He was just a little out of his depth. 

Clicking at their computer, they nodded to him, "Just fill that out and head on up to floor three." 

Taking a pen out of the cup on the top of the desk, Gordon scooted to the side to try and fill out the paper. Quickly scanning over it, it basically just needed his signature there a few times. Awkwardly scrawling down his signature in such a way that it barely even looked like his name any more, Gordon placed the pen back into the steel mesh cup. 

Sliding the paper away from the table, Benrey lifted it up to his eyes to squint at it, "Whoa... Dude. Your handwriting sucks." 

Snatching the paper back and handing it to the receptionist who quick glance ushered him to start moving to the third floor, Gordon glared at him "It's my non-dominant hand idiot. Cant write as well with my left." 

Benrey's brow furrowed in genuine confusion, "You cant write with both hands?" 

"No?" Gordon drawled, "Can you?" 

"Yeah duh, obviously. Can get things written down uh... Twice as fast bro." 

"Thats not- whatever. We've still got to go." 

Gordon trotted up the stairs, trying to keep his apprehension on the down-low. There were definitely cameras in here and Gordon didn't need Benrey trying to use the sweet voice on him only to get carted away by the government or something while Gordon was still in surgery. Not that The Science Team would let him be taken out without a fight. But the thought of Benrey being forced back into a prison or something like he was in Black Mesa, made his stomach churn uncomfortably. Especially after gaining a sort of sympathy for him now that they were living under the same roof, he especially didn't like the idea of Benrey being hurt. 

Because thats what the government does to alien shit right? Experiment on them? It's what sci-fi movies said they did anyway, and it was realistic enough in that respect that Gordon elected to believe it was probably true. 

He'd just have to trust that Benrey wouldn't be too stupid while he was out. 

"Which film was _your_ favorite Gordon?" 

Gordon glanced over to Dr. Coomer, fiddling with his ponytail slightly, "What? Sorry, I wasn't really listening?" 

___"We were talking about All Dogs Go To Heaven and it's sequel All Dogs Go To Heaven two! Which was your favorite Gordon?"_ _ _

___He didn't really have strong feelings on either film, but he remembered more of the first movie, and his death hadn't been edited into that one either, "The first one probably."_ _ _

___Benrey huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, "Come on bro, the second one is basically a cinematic masterpiece. It's got all the staples of a good film. Dogs; coming back from the dead more than once; and like, biblical references or something. What more could you ask for."_ _ _

"I don't know," Gordon sighed in exasperation, finally reaching the waiting room on the third floor, "Maybe some plot coherency? I mean, when is a sequel ever better than the original." 

"Alien, Mad Max, Friday the Thirteenth, to _name a few_." 

"I haven't even seen those, but it's probably for good reason because they kind of sound like shit." 

"You haven't seen _Alien_? Bro I'm hurt." 

"Yeah I'm finding it hard to believe you haven't seen Alien out of all those," Bubby chimed in, "I mean, you worked for Black Mesa of all places and you've _still_ never seen it?" 

"I didn't exactly have all the time in the world just to sit down and watch things Bubby. I was busy actually _working_. Plus, with Joshua at home I wasn't just going to put a movie like that on!" 

"Sounds like your kid’s weak then. He cant even handle one movie about aliens?" 

"He's _five_!" 

"So? I'm like twelve if we're going to be realistic." 

Oh yeah, Bubby _had_ been made in a tube, "Whatever, you're still like, basically ninety years old and he's five." 

"I am _not_ ninety," Bubby scoffed, "I'm barely even considered old!" 

Dr. Coomer let out a light laugh, patting Bubby's shoulder consolingly, "We still are quite older than everyone else professor." 

"Doctor." 

"Professor." 

As the two of them moved to continue their back and forth argument, the double doors on the other side of the room opened, revealing a doctor and a team of nurses. 

"Mr. Freeman?" The doctor called uncertainly in his groups general direction, her gaze locking on him as he waved slightly, "We're ready for you now." 

What little confidence Gordon had left quickly seeped away as he started forwards, only hesitating as a tug came at his sleeve. 

"We'll be here when you wake up Mr. Freeman," Tommy reassured him. 

Nodding with a completely false bravado Gordon stiffly walked across the room. Prepping to get his arm cut open once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters won't have much minecraft but i swear it'll come back later.  
> Also I made this chapter a little longer to make up for the last one because it was kinda short!


	5. i TOLD you dawg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one took me a bit to come out with I've been struggling with creating stuff lately so uhh, next update time might be a lil shaky

Slowly, Gordon came back to consciousness. The first thing he was aware of was the dull, throbbing pain in his arm. It was nowhere near the intensity of the initial pain of loosing the limb, but it still hurt like a bitch. Cringing inwardly, Gordon squinted up at the ceiling; from the natural light filtering in from the window, he could tell it was night-time. Not that he knew what time of night it was, but he didn't really care either. 

Turning his head towards his wounded arm, Gordon tried not to focus on the sensation of the IV needle in his skin, and instead surveyed the wrap around his stump. Nothing was stained red so he was probably okay, but he could feel his heartbeat there, like when you slammed a finger in a cabinet. Something like the wrap on his arm now would have been nice to have had back when he'd initially lost his hand. 

A shuffling coming from his other side caught his attention, and slowly, Gordon shifted to stare in that direction. 

Benrey was seated in the one available chair in the room, his dull yellow eyes glowing softly in the dark. 

"I don't think you're supposed to be here," Gordon said, smiling slightly at using the other man's line against him. 

"Mmm, probably not," he agreed, "But you've uh, got to be asleep. Go to beddy-bye. Say night-night." 

Gordon watched hazily as Benrey stood, walking closer to Gordon's bed and leaning over so their faces were only inches apart. Had Gordon been more coherent he would have attempted to push Benrey's face away from his own, but in the dark he could just barely make out the dark rings beneath his eyes, and distantly he wondered if he had been sleeping or not. Opening his mouth, Benrey let out a small stream of low pitched orange and red sweet voice. Gordon was alway tempted to try and pop the bubbles, but before he could act on the thought they'd already popped against his face. A vaguely sour-candy type smell washed over him along with a blanket of drowsiness. 

Struggling to stay awake, Gordons vision blurred the glow from Benrey's eyes so they looked half like headlights in the dark when you squinted. The sweet voice finally taking hold, Gordons eyes closed and he drifted off into a light slumber. 

When he opened his eyes again, it was to the sound of a door creaking open. It was just a nurse, but he could hear the way his heartbeat had ratcheted up at the intrusion. 

"Sorry if I woke you," the nurse said, "I was just coming in to check on you. How are you feeling?' 

"My mouths a little dry, but I'm fine." 

"Well there's a cup of water on the nightstand if you need it... Your friends are waiting out in the lobby for you. Would it be alright to send them in?" 

Before answering, Gordon carefully pushed himself upright and leaned over to take the plastic cup. It was room temperature and flat, but it eased the itching in the back of his throat. 

"Yeah that'd be fine, thanks." 

With a nod, the nurse left, presumably to go let The Science Team know he was alright and they could come in and talk, if Benrey hadn't already. 

Oh, that _bastard_. He'd used the sweet voice on him! Quickly glancing around the room, Gordon didn't spy any cameras to have caught Benrey using it, but it didn't make him feel any better. 

The door to his room busted open, letting The Science Team flood on in. Benrey didn't seem to be among them which only made Gordon more nervous. 

__"Mr. Freeman!" Tommy exclaimed, hovering at Gordons bedside, "I'm glad to see that you're okay!"_ _

__"I'm ah, glad to be okay too."_ _

__"Hello Gordon!"_ _

__"Hey Dr. Coomer."_ _

__"While you were asleep I did plenty of research on the upkeep of post surgery wounds! Would you like to hear?"_ _

"No, it's alright. I'll probably be debriefed on all of that soon enough anyway. But ah, where'd Benrey get off to?" 

"Last I saw, he- he was getting something from the vending machines Mr. Freeman. I think it was chex-mix." 

"A waste of money," Bubby pitched in, "He could have got the little muffins instead. _That_ would have been a much better investment." 

"Could one of you guys go grab him or something-" 

Speak of the devil. 

"Wazzup." 

___Gordon hurriedly waved him in, "Dude you cant just go around using the sweet voice!"_ _ _

___Shifting the chex-mix in his grip he sat on the end of the bed, ignoring Tommy's tentative cautioning not to, "Huh? Why not?"_ _ _

___"We're in like, a public place. You could get caught on camera and get carted away or something. Not everybody just spits out blue orbs."_ _ _

___"Aww, Feetman cares? Sounds kinda gay bro."_ _ _

___"I care if it's going to get the rest of us in trouble too, so yeah."_ _ _

Benrey shrugged, "Nobody could beat me anyway. I'm a uh, top-tier level boss." 

" _We_ beat you Benrey." 

"Yeah so? That doesn't count anyway. Since we're all friends now or whatever." 

Groaning, Gordon was tempted to throw the empty plastic cup at his stupid helmet, "Just. Be careful with it okay? Theres like. Probably cameras and shit everywhere." 

Staring back at him through narrowed eyes, Benrey finally nodded, "Uh, okay, sure. I'll be real sneaky with it bro. Nobody will even notice." 

Gordon released an unintelligible steam of consonants that brought a sharp toothed grin onto Benrey's features. 

The Science Team were allowed to talk for a while longer before they had to be shooed out by the doctor so she could check in on Gordons arm. They were allowed back in afterwards but they had to leave pretty soon after. No matter how perfect of a dog Sunkist was she couldn't open the dog food bag and pour herself a bowl of it. 

Gordon wasn't the best at keeping boredom at bay, so he opted for sleeping. It helped his body heal and kept him from having to sit around and think. 

As he dreamt, he was still aware enough to half-realize he was dreaming, but tired enough to let things play out. Mostly, it was just his mind cycling through warped and shortened memories. The majority of which featuring his journey through Black Mesa, but there were bits of his family sprinkled throughout the dream as well. His son playing on the jungle gym at the park and how Gordon had taken him home soon after to bandage up his scraped knee; his sister when she was in High-school, adorned with pink headphones and braces to match; their father with an ever distant gaze and trembling fists. 

Blinking his eyes open, he wasn't really surprised to see Benrey seated at the foot of his bed again. What he _was_ surprised to see was the faint traces of teal colored sweet voice coming from his mouth even after Gordon had _explicitly_ told him not to. 

"Dude, what the fuck." 

"I uh, made sure there were not cameras in here. Don't gotta..." he smacked his lips loudly, "Worry or nothin'. Plus I only used it to heal up your arm for you." 

___Glancing down to his stump, Gordon found the bandages all removed, lying on the floor, and his wound sealed shut, flecks of the telltale teal clinging to his skin._ _ _

___"Huh," straightening up, Gordon swiped off the leftover teal to examine his healed arm, "That was the teal green heal beam or whatever, right?"_ _ _

___Benrey nodded, "Yeah. Now you can uh, get that arm thingie right?"_ _ _

___"I've still got to get fitted for one and get it custom made which could take a while but yeah," Gordon prodded at his healed stump, still slightly amazed, "I don't see why I couldn't. Doesn't seem like there any swelling or anything. The doctors will probably go out of their minds trying to figure out how it healed over so fast though."_ _ _

___Wearing a genuine smile, Gordon looked back to Benrey who was fidgeting on the end of the bed, "For real though, thank you. I was kind of dreading the wait for it to heal enough to get out of here."_ _ _

___"It's uhh, no big deal bro. Just a pal doing a pal a favor. Wouldn't want to keep you from... Uh, Animal Crossing on your Switch."_ _ _

___Gordon kicked the other man playfully, "You just wanted to go back so could have somebody to complain to."_ _ _

___"Nu-uh, I never complain about stuff bro. Life's all... Turnin' up peachy or something."_ _ _

___"Yeah? Then what about when you moped after me for a half hour when you couldn't finish that Katamari level?"_ _ _

___Benrey crossed his arms over his chest, looking away from Gordon with a sniff, "Maybe I just wanted to spend some time with my good bro Feetman. Ever think about that?"_ _ _

___"No, I still think it's because you kept accidentally rolling up cows."_ _ _

Flopping over lengthwise onto Gordons legs, Benrey let out a long sigh, "There were _too_ many cows on that level bro... Kind of sucked." 

Gordon doubted it was comfortable lying on his shins; it sure wasn't for him, but he didn't move to push the him off either, "You could've just skipped the level." 

"Nah bro, gotta... Get that hundred percent completion. Unlock the true ending." 

"Is there even an ending in Katamari Damacy?" 

"Dunno' haven't got there yet." 

They chatted about nonsense till sunlight started streaming back into the room, and soon after, another nurse came back in to check on Gordon. She was confused by Benrey's presence, but continued on as usual, her confusion only escalating into bewilderment as she inspected Gordons arm. Rushing from the room, she returned moments later with his doctor and three other nurses, all as puzzled as the first upon seeing his now un-injured arm. 

___And since Gordon was well enough to leave, he was able to change out of the stupid hospital gown back into his own clothes, his release papers were signed, and he was free to head home. The only problem now being the wait for Dr. Coomer to come pick both Gordon and Benrey up._ _ _

___Tommy hadn't responded after Gordon had called, so they opted for the next safest driver. And of course the guy was up and kicking at six in the morning. Gordon swore he could hear Bubby's grumbling in the background as he'd been on the call with Dr. Coomer, but it also could have been any number of things. Dr. Coomer's house was always amidst some sort of chaos. But he'd been more than willing to drive the two back and was on his way over._ _ _

___Kicking a rock off the curb, Gordon watched Benrey crouched over staring with wrapt fascination at a line of ants moving across the sidewalk._ _ _

___"How do they know where to go?"_ _ _

___"What?"_ _ _

___"Like, do the ants just uh, wander looking for things? Or do they already got a set destination in mind."_ _ _

___"I mean, they're just ants. They probably just walk around. I don't know though, they might smell stuff better. I know they follow each other with chemical trails but other than that," Gordon shrugged, "Dunno'."_ _ _

___Gordon barely noticed the car as it rolled up, but he sure did as it honked at them making him jump. He only relaxed as he realized it was Dr. Coomer in the drivers seat._ _ _

___Immediately popping upright, Benrey hurried over to the vehicle, claiming the passenger seat for himself._ _ _

___Exhaling though his nose, Gordon trotted over and slid into the back, "Thanks for picking us up Dr. Coomer."_ _ _

"Hello Gordon! It was no problem at all. In fact, I was already thinking about heading out to run some errands anyway and this was just a stop on the way." 

Rolling out of the parking lot, Dr. Coomer informed them that he was out to get some picnic supplies and he was excited to go on the date he had planned since he hadn't been on one in a long time. 

Gordon almost asked who he'd be going with before he remembered the distant sound of Bubby's voice on the phone. He hadn't noticed the two were growing close, but he also hadn't been on the lookout for signs of it either. 

After Dr. Coomer had dropped them off and Gordon thanked him again, they headed up to Gordons apartment, taking the elevator this time. As soon as they walked into the door Benrey trudged over to the couch and flopped down face first onto it, "Gonna... Take a quick rest, " he mumbled into the cushions. Only supporting Gordons earlier question of wether he'd been sleeping. 

Well, now that he was in the clear for his arm being healed up, he might as well call in to get an appointment made for his prosthetic. Casting a quick glance to Benrey who hadn't so much as moved, Gordon headed back to his bedroom to make the call so not to disturb him. For all the help the guy had been giving him, he deserved at the very least a peaceful sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am literally only talking about the video games Ive played before so uhh, sorry benrey isnt going to play like, call of duty or anything.  
> Also >:) heheheh


	6. adam sandler movies are alright okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i might not post a chapter soon idk sorry.  
> also me: *posts it after waiting a day* UGWAHHH its SUCH a long time not to post WAHWAH WHA. :|

The call took longer than Gordon would have liked, but he managed to get an appointment scheduled out for next week. Meaning he'd probably be getting his prosthetic in a month. It felt like a painfully long time, but at least he wouldn't be dealing with everything on his own, seeing as Benrey was living in Gordon's apartment now. And after this next call, Joshua would be too. 

Dialing up his sister, Gordon waited through a few rings before Sara's groggy voice filtered through the phone, "Yeah?" 

"Sorry if I woke you up, I just got back from surgery and I figured I'd let you know." 

There was an explosion of shuffling on the other line that made Gordon's mouth twitch upwards. 

"Really? Thats great! How'd it go?" 

"It went really well. I'm all healed up and ready to roll. Just made an appointment to get fitted for a prosthetic next week." 

"Thats really great Gordon. I'm glad it went over smoothly." 

"Yeah, but ah, I was calling about Joshua actually." 

"He's in bed still, but I could go wake him up if you want?" 

"No, no, it's fine. I've just... I'm doing a lot better now. And... I think it's okay to have him back here." 

There was a slight pause as Sara considered his words, "Wont taking care of a toddler be a little rough? I mean, you won't get that prosthetic thing immediately right?" 

"No, but I've got... A friend staying here with me. I think he'd be cool helping out with all of that." 

"When'd he move in?" 

"Ah... About after we finished our first call actually. He showed up kind of out of the blue, but we get along." 

"Must be some guy, putting up with you twenty four seven." 

Gordon snorted, "It's more me putting up with _him_... Anyway," he rubbed the back of his neck, "Joshua's okay to come back." 

__Sara was quiet for a long moment, but hearing the faint telltale tapping of her nails on the screen, she wasn't ignoring him, "I could head out there with him tomorrow on a flight. Would that be alright?"_ _

__"Yeah, absolutely."_ _

__"Alright, see you then."_ _

__"Tell Joshua I love him for me."_ _

__"I will. Bye Gordon."_ _

__"Bye Sara."_ _

Hanging up, gordon reclined back onto his bed, letting out a huff of air as his head hit the pillows. He'd have to lay down some ground rules with Benrey on do's and don't's, but he'd figured the guy had enough sense not to like, snarl at his kid or something. Benrey's appearance was already unsettling enough, he didn't need him going the extra mile to scare Joshua on purpose. 

If anything... Gordon bolted upright in his bed. Jeez the guy had been wearing the same clothes for _days_ on end. It was _well_ past time to add to the guys wardrobe. He hadn't even gotten him a _toothbrush_. Dear _god_ Gordon really was clueless. He'd been here for days already and hadn't brushed his teeth once, it made Gordon grimace just thinking about it. Hopping onto his computer, Gordon scrolled through Amazon, searching for clothes for Benrey. They guy was broader and a bit taller than Gordon so he was probably only a size up from him. 

Ordering a few graphic t-shirts he figured the guy would like, Gordon started on looking for some pants for him. After a few minutes of clueless scrolling, Gordon went with the easy choice of shorts with elastic waistbands. He got the necessities for him as well, socks, underwear, _toothbrush_ , and another hairbrush. 

____

____

As the was scrolling back through the stuff he thought Benrey would like a certain item caught his eye. Gordon rushed to add it to his cart almost immediately, a small grin working its way onto his features. Re-scanning the list he compiled, Gordon made the purchase, paying extra for same day delivery; not that it hurt his bank account any after the money Gman had apparently deposited in there as well, and leaned back in his chair. 

It was strange, now being occupied every moment, and as much as Gordon would have like to revel in the comfort of time to himself, he found himself worrying over the silence. Usually even if Gordon was in his room on his own, he could hear Benrey playing video games or complaining loudly from the other room. He hadn't realized how much he'd come to depend on the constant reaffirming sound of someone else being there. Now it was all too easy to imagine a creature waiting outside his door. Hesitating in the darkened hallway, ready to lunge as soon as he appeared. Benrey's monster senses or whatever would probably pick up on something if it was in the apartment with them, but with how quickly he'd fallen asleep, Gordon found himself doubting that he would. 

A ping from his phone made Gordon flinch. It was just a text from Sara; a screenshot of the flight she'd booked and the fight time estimate. 

Turning his phone face down, he got up to anxiously pace the length of his room. He needed a shower. But it might also wake Benrey, and Gordon didn't want to be any more of a nuisance to the guy than he already had been. He'd already stayed up for two nights to make sure Gordon was alright, he'd more than earned a good sleep. But Gordon still couldn't shake the feeling of being unclean after it'd occurred to him. 

With a stressed groan, he sat down on the end of his bed, his knee bouncing quickly to match his heartbeat. Benrey probably wouldn't even notice. He'd been awake for so long that he probably wouldn't even twitch at the sound of the shower. The quiet ' _what if_ " still nagged at him, but was quickly drowned out by Gordons shitty self-assurances. 

Hopping up, Gordon was a man on a mission. Collecting a clean outfit and a dry towel, Gordon stripped down and got into the shower, almost immediately relaxing as the warm water cascaded over his body. 

Cleaning himself off, he let himself just stand under the spray for a while. Ordinarily that would have made him worry about his water bill, but again, that was just a secondhand thought now. Gordon unwound in the hot water for a while longer before finally stepping out into the steamy bathroom. 

Tossing his new outfit on, Gordon did his best to brush his hair out, then brushed his teeth. _God _it felt so much better to be clean again.__

____

____

Leaving the bathroom, Gordon snuck past Benrey, who was still passed out on the couch, luckily not face down any longer, and crept into the kitchen. 

He'd re-stocked his fridge the day after Benrey arrived, so at least he had some stuff to search through now. The luxury of being a picky eater. It only took a few minutes though before Gordon just settled on eating a banana. The peel was a struggle to get off, but the fruit was reward enough. 

Throwing away the peel after he'd finished, Gordon brought out some little paper cups and the grapes from his fridge. Filling as many of the paper cups as he had the patience to, he popped the fruit filled cups into the freezer. His Grandma had given him frozen grapes as a kid, and Joshua seemed to enjoy them as well, so he figured he'd freeze some in advance for when Joshua got here. Plus, they took up less space in the freezer than actual popsicles so it was a win-win. 

___Finishing that task, Gordon glanced back out into the living room at Benrey. His helmet seemed to have fallen off his head at some point. letting Gordon finally get a good look at his jet black hair. Not that he'd been super curious about it or anything, but there was a sort of strange fascination in seeing something from his friend that he didn't usually see._ _ _

___It was shortly cropped, as Gordon had assumed, but it was a complete mess. It looked like it'd long outgrown its original cut, and was sticking up in every which direction as if he'd been struck by lightning. He could see the oily sheen on it from here which Gordon made a face at. He'd have to get the guy to wash it._ _ _

___As if realizing Gordon had been staring, his yellow eyes slid open, almost immediately fixing onto Gordon, "Yeah I caught you staring, am I hot or what bro."_ _ _

___His face flushing, Gordon instinctively glanced away, "What? No, you're ah. Your helmet fell off... Weird to see your hair. Sorry if I woke you."_ _ _

___Benrey glanced down to his helmet on the floor, but made no move to pick it back up, "Oh. Huh," he blinked lazily back to Gordon, "Bro would you uh, get that for me?"_ _ _

___"It's right there dude."_ _ _

___"Come on," Benrey whined, "I'm just... A little sleepy... Grab helmet please? For your best bro? Pretty please?"_ _ _

___Letting out a put on, long suffering sigh, Gordon trudged over to pick up his helmet. Only holding it out of the other mans reach as he got ahold of it, "If I give you this back you've got to shower man. I don't think you've got in there the whole time you've been here and frankly thats like, really gross."_ _ _

___Benrey squinted at him, "Yeah it's because I'm not human. Don't stink like you. Gross, Stinkman."_ _ _

___"Yeah well, your hair looks like it's covered in bike grease."_ _ _

___"Just its natural state bro. Helmet please?"_ _ _

___"Shower please?"_ _ _

Benrey squeezed his eyes shut with a groan, “ _Fine_. But you've got to watch a movie with me bro." 

___"Thats not how this works."_ _ _

"Please? Movie please? But don't make it a sucks one though." 

Gordon had explicitly shit taste in movies so he could _not _promise that, but it would pass the time, "Okay fine, whatever. Move over."__

____

____

Handing the other man's helmet back, Gordon plopped down onto the cough, grabbing the remote, and hopping onto Netflix. 

Putting his helmet back on, Benrey watched from beneath it's visor as Gordon scrolled though the catalog. Jostling him slightly when he saw a movie that piqued his interest. And luckily for Gordon, they happened to have a similar taste in crappy movies so they were able to agree on a movie pretty quickly. 

Gordon had already seen the movie they'd selected, but it was halfway decent so he wasn't too bothered by it. Plus, Adam Sandler was the lead in the movie. It was one of the things Gordon would _never_ admit to, but he really liked the guy's movies. No matter how bad they were, or how many plot holes they sported, there was something about the guy that kept Gordon watching. 

Partially through the movie, Benrey slumped against Gordons side. He was seconds away from shoving the guy off when he realized he was asleep again. Fidgeting slightly, Gordon shifted so the guy's helmet wasn't digging into his shoulder. 

He tried to focus back in on the movie, but with the immersion broken, Gordon quickly became hyper-aware of the Benrey's soft breaths against his arm. Goosebumps rising on his skin, Gordon glanced down to the other man's sleeping form. His expression was soft, something Gordon had never seen from him before. As he forced his gaze back to the screen, Gordon felt a tightening in his chest. It wasn't necessarily a _bad_ feeling. Just... Something unexpected. 

Something he hadn't felt in a long time. _Shit_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for making this chapter a little shorter but!! >:)  
> Also, yall goin, 'why is showering a big deal bro. why do gordon freeman care, he was in black mesa that whole time without showering' and all i have to say to that. is projection. literally cannot stand Not taking a shower and feelin dirty like that so. Gordon dosnt get to be either.


	7. i don't 'like like' him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OORHURHHHGHHFHH this chapter literally KILLED me to write but!! im still p happy w how it turned out! Also! ima be goin on a camping trip for a few days so there wont be a chapter update fo a bit (like three or four days) but while im gone I'll be writing so!!! Y'all can look forward to a few more updates when I get back!!
> 
> (Also means I wont be able to respond to yalls comments fo a bit but!! i will make sure to do so when I get back!! i really love seeing what you all think about the chapters and they really make me smile reading them!!)

As the movie was nearing it's end, Gordon nearly leapt from the couch from a knock at the door. A grumble from Benrey let Gordon know his jolt had awoken him, so taking his chance to get up, he trotted over to the door and looked through the peephole. 

"Oh, nice." 

Opening the door, Gordon collected the multiple packages from the mailman and shuffled back inside. Benrey was already peering curiously from over the back of the couch, a glimmer of interest in his eyes. 

"Yo... What're those for." 

A smile grew on Gordons fave as he carried the boxes around the couch, setting them down on the coffee table in front of Benrey. 

"Since you're staying here and all, I, ah figured I'd get you some stuff." 

Squinting at the packages, then to Gordon he folded his arms over his chest, "Where'd you get these? We just got back bro, you uhh, got the registration to buy these? Got a receipt?" 

"No, dude, it's online. Ordered all the stuff off Amazon. Ever heard of same day delivery?" 

"Nah, I think you stole these. Little stealy man. Going out and committing crimes while I sleep. Thats bad. You uh, cant do that." 

"Come on Benrey. Just open the stuff up." 

Staring at Gordon suspiciously for a moment longer, Benrey gave into his obvious curiosity, and grabbed the first box ahead of him. Deftly slicing the tape open, he lifted the flaps open to find what was inside. 

Grabbing the shirts from the box, he inspected each one with a critical eye, "Shirts?" 

"And some other stuff, but yeah," he said, watching as Benrey dug into the next box, "You've only had that security guard outfit to wear, so if figured it was high time to get you some new clothes." 

Amidst all the now opened boxes, Benrey looked up to Gordon, "You, uh... Got me all these clothes." 

"Yeah," shifting the package he'd hidden in the back of his shirt, he presented the unopened bag to Benrey, "I also got you this." 

Gently taking the separate bag, Benrey opened it up. 

"I figured since you put Minecraft on my computer it'd be ah, fitting or something. Plus it's probably more comfortable than the helmet," Gordon rambled, his gaze quickly darting from the floor then back to Benrey. 

It was just a creeper beanie with a little pom-pom on the top, he would have liked to have found something comfortable that more resembled Benrey's helmet; but with the way the other mans face lit up at the sight of it, Gordon couldn't help the little flips his heart did in his chest. 

"You really got me these?" 

Gordon nodded, his eyes locking onto the slight trembling in Benrey's hands. It quickly stilled just as he noticed it, but this was affecting him for some reason. 

"I didn't even ask you for nothin bro, you just..." he spat out a stream of pale pink sweet voice, "Went outta your way to do that. Kinda gay bro. Want to kiss about it?" 

Gordons face flushed a darker shade as he looked away, " _No_ , Benrey just- go take a shower like I told you to. Tell me if the clothes fit." 

__In an uncharacteristic show of silence, Benrey scooped up the entirety of the clothes he'd pulled out of the boxes and stalked into the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind himself after he popped back out to ask Gordon where the towels were._ _

__There wasn't much of the movie left to watch so Gordon didn't bother. Instead he began the formidable process of breaking down all the cardboard boxes so he could take them out to the dumpster out back of the apartment complex later. As he continued to struggle with the tape on the boxes, he felt a nervousness rising in his chest. He couldn't really pinpoint _why_ he'd become a ball of anxiety all of the sudden, but he decided to pin it on the fact that he wanted Benrey's clothes to fit. It would be a pain to have wasted the surprise on a bunch of stuff that he'd need to send back to get different sizes of. Yeah. He was sticking with that rather than confronting the strange feeling that'd washed over him not too long ago. __

____

____

____

____

As Gordon was working on the last box he had left, Benrey finally stepped out of the bathroom. Shifting his gaze up Gordon examined hi- how the clothes fit. 

He was wearing the creeper beanie over his still wet hair, which he could see parts of now, sticking out the sides. The shitty meme-cat shirt he got him fit fine, and the same went for the shorts. With a forced nod, Gordon met Benrey's gaze, "Good to see they fit. You ah, like them?" 

Benrey blinked at him strangely, "Wha? Oh, uh, yeah, clothes... Real epic bro. Not like your cringe shirts. Boring sweaters and shit. No gamer lingo at all." 

Shorting in amusement, Gordon went back to taking the box apart, watching from the edge of his vision as Benrey adjusted his beanie so more of his hair was hidden beneath it. 

"But uh, gotta say. Not a fan of wet hair. Zero out of ten, doesn't... Feel too nice." 

"Theres a blowdryer in the bathroom if you want to use it." 

Benrey wrinkled his nose at that, "Too loud bro. Even worse." 

"Then you're just going to have to deal with it I guess, " Gordon shrugged, going back to the task at hand, "Also my sisters coming here with Joshua tomorrow. He's been staying with her for the past while." 

"Oh yeah," Benrey looked back to the photos hung on the wall, "Forgot you were a dilf or whatever." 

Choking on air, Gordon sputtered lamely as Benrey moved closer to the photos. His heart dropping slightly in an aprupt change from his momentary flash of embarrassment as Benrey removed one of them from the wall. An abrupt wave of somberness flooded over him as he recognized the battered frame. It was smaller than the rest with worn edges that he'd probably caused on his own from clutching the frame too tight. 

"Yo who's this?" 

Gingerly, Gordon made his way over to Benrey, his feet heavy like lead but barely making a sound over the hardwood. He took the photo from Benrey's unusually soft grip, seeming to sense a change in his attitude. 

"It's... A photo me me and my ex right after we adopted Joshua," he could feel Benrey's heavy gaze on him as he moved the photo back to it's spot on the wall, "He, ah, died a few years ago." 

Shrugging away the flash of pain in his chest, Gordon purposefully elected not to acknowledge the all too familiar look of pity that'd no doubt be over Benrey's features, "Anyway, they're both going to be here tomorrow so... Be on your best behavior or whatever. And for the love of god do _not_ use the sweet voice while Sara's here. She know's Black Mesa was involved in some messy shit but not about the alien shit so... Refrain from trying to freak her out or something. That goes for Joshua too, don't try and scare him. Or curse around him." 

___Benrey glanced away awkwardly, "Sounds like uh. A lot of rules bro."_ _ _

___"Yeah, well. They're necessary ones. So, please."_ _ _

___Nodding stiffly after a moment, Benrey jerked his head toward the couch, "Wanna... Watch me play Animal Crossing?"_ _ _

___"Sure," Gordon said with a relieved sigh "Did you add yourself to the island already?"_ _ _

___He shook his head, walking over to the couch and pulling the Switch from it's charger, "Needed your uh, input on where to put my house. Didn't wanna... Ruin your building plans or anything."_ _ _

___Seating himself next to Benrey, he leaned over his shoulder and watched as he opened the profile for himself, which he'd apparently already made, "I don't really have any plans in that regard. Theres a little section I want to terraform when I can, but you can basically put your house anywhere."_ _ _

___As Benrey spam clicked through the introduction scene, only pausing to customize his character, he barely caught onto what Benrey was doing before it was too late._ _ _

"Do _not_ put your tent right next to my house." 

____

____

Cackling, Benrey leaned away from Gordon's outstretched hand, holding the Switch aloft so he could continue, "You said anywhere bro! I'm not even on any of your flowers either." 

"I don't _care_ if you're on any flowers! Theres just some things you don't do out of _respect_ -" 

Gordon cut himself off as Benrey leaned back to his original spot, his tent already set in place, as close to Gordons house as he could manage, "Now we're best bros for life." 

Letting loose a drawn out groan Gordon squinted over at Benrey, "You bastard. You just- don't _do _that. Its an unspoken rule! It's like. Personal space man."__

____

____

In retaliation, Benrey shifted his weight onto Gordon, lying partially across his lap, "Best bros. Just chilling next to each other." 

___For the most part, Benrey was respectful of his island, right up until Gordon said Kevin was his favorite islander and he began smacking with him a net._ _ _

___"Don't hit him!" Gordon wailed, tugging on Benrey's hair in retaliation._ _ _

___"Just a lil tap. Hey- stop that."_ _ _

___Grinning, Gordon tugged on his hair once more, "What?"_ _ _

___"Come on bro. Not very, uh, kosher of you. Pretty rude."_ _ _

___"Yeah, well, neither was hitting Kevin with a net. I'm making it even."_ _ _

Dropping the Switch onto his chest, Benrey looked up at Gordon with a glare, "You want me pulling on your hair bro? It's rude... Not polite of you bro. Besides, Kevin deserved it. Lil' idiot just standing there all dumb like..." 

Abruptly, realizing the intimacy of the moment, Gordon jerked to his feet, sending Benrey flopping down onto the couch with a 'whaumph' sound. Flushing with embarrassment at his unnecessary action, Gordon backtracked slightly, "I ah, forgot to text Sara... Gotta' make sure she's got all Joshua's stuff." 

Fleeing to his bedroom, Gordon did indeed check in with Sara, but not before staring blackly at his ceiling for a painfully long time. Flip-flopping between disgust with himself and reveling in that warm feeling in the bottom of his belly. 

God _damn_ it, Benrey had tried to _kill _him before! He'd voiced his adversity to it at the time, but he'd still gone through with trying to take The Science Team out. The guy was outright rude, but so was Gordon so he couldn't fault him _entirely_ for that, except he was _going_ to because he _could_. He hadn't even thanked Gordon for all he'd done for him! Letting him stay in his house after he had nowhere else to go and giving him access to all Gordons games and things. He just took advantage and Gordons kindness and deliberately pressed his buttons. __

____

____

So it begged the question of _why_ he felt his throat tightening at the mental image of Benrey's head in his lap. 

Gordon stayed in his room for the rest of the day. He told himself it was because he was busy organizing files on his computer and looking at leftover emails. _Not_ because he was avoiding Benrey. 

He only left so he could do his minimal part in making dinner for the both of them, but soon after finishing his food off he retreated back to the confines of his bedroom. 

He definitely _did not_ like Benrey. They were friends, sure. After living under the same roof for long enough he'd warmed up to his antics now that they weren't threatened with death around every corner. 

But he didn't _like_ Benrey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahahah!!! you all love denial. I know you do! why else would you be here >:) 
> 
> also!! I thought up what all villagers gordon would have and here's the list i came up w :Kevin, Bam, Cole, Boris, Pashima, Melba, Katt, Punchy, Spike and Teddy!


	8. hahah point and laugh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back now!!! Armed w more chapters too >:) !!

Gordon did his very best not to watch the door. He swept the floors, something he admittedly hadn't done in a while, gross; he did his best attempt at dusting and made his bed for probably the first time in months. But alas, Gordon Freeman was a man of little patience, and he found himself checking the door every few minutes anyways. It wasn't like he could go too far in his two bedroom apartment to where he wouldn't hear a knock on the door, but he worried over it anyway. 

Sara had texted him about an hour ago, saying that she and Joshua had arrived at the airport, and just as he was wondering wether he should call to have her picked up, she informed him that she'd already called a cab in advance. Sara had always been naturally on top of things like that. Actually thinking a step ahead, instead of jumping on in headfirst. Whereas Gordon was more of a 'do it in the moment' kind of guy. Yeah he planned out his work stuff, but that was only because it was necessary. On his own, he'd rather make it up as he went. 

Finally, the knock at the door came, interrupting his introspective monologue. 

Hurrying from the kitchen before Benrey could intercept them, Gordon pulled open the door. 

Upon the threshold opening, Joshua practically launched himself at his fathers leg, making Gordon stumble back slightly, a warm smile coming over his features. 

"Missed you Daddy," he mumbled into the leg of Gordons pants. 

"I missed you too Joshie," stooping low, Gordon swooped Joshua up under his arm, making the toddler giggle in surprise. Only giving pause when he glanced to Gordons other arm. 

"Where'd your hand go?" 

"Well... I had an accident, but I'll be getting another hand soon enough." 

Joshua squinted up at him, "Not a hook right?" 

Gordon let out a breathy laugh as he jostled Joshua in his grip, "No, not a hook." 

Sara grinned at him politely, the flicker of her gaze down to his arm betraying her worry, "It's good to see you Gordon." 

"Likewise, you... Wanna' come in?" 

Gordon stepped to the side, hefting Joshua over his shoulder, getting laugh out of him once more. 

"I had a lot of fun with Auntie!" He said between laughs, "We went to the mall!" 

Sara grinned at him sheepishly as she stepped inside, "We didn't get much, but I did get Joshua a pair of boots." 

As his kid's squirming increased, Gordon gently set him down so he could show off his new shoes. 

"See! They've even got the tassels!" and to demonstrate, Joshua shook his leg vigorously. Looking back to Gordon with a grin, he watched as Joshuas face fell into confusion, staring at the space above his shoulder. 

Well, he had to show his face at some point. 

Gordon glanced behind himself to Benrey, who's was looking down at Joshua with his usual half-lidded stare. 

"Joshie, this is Benrey. He'll be staying with us for a while." 

"How long?" Joshua asked, his look turning to more of a pout. 

"We... Don't really know yet." 

He watched cautiously as Benrey moved past him and squatted down to Joshua's level, "Yo, you wanna... Get some of those frozen grapes? Your, uh, Dadman over here made some." 

Joshua's eyes brightened as he glanced to the kitchen then back to Gordon, "Grapes?" 

"Yeah, you can go ahead." 

Joshua's new boots stomped against the hardwood as he took off towards the freezer, "Reach em' for me!" 

Flashing Gordon a smug grin, Benrey followed after Joshua, no doubt just to take some of the grapes for himself even though he'd explicitly told him not to. That was probably the main reason he'd wanted some in the first place. 

Shaking his head, Gordon looked back to Sera, "Thats the roommate I mentioned yesterday, Benrey. He's kind of an ass so, sorry in advance I guess." 

Sara stared at him incredulously, "You- actually, you know what, it can wait. How's your arm?" 

"It's doing alright, feels a little weird sometimes but I'm managing." 

Sara bit her lip, her brows creasing together, "How...?" 

He knew this question would be coming, but he didn't feel any more prepared for it. Waving Sara over to the living room, Gordon sat himself in the loveseat adjacent to the couch. He patted his thigh nervously as Sara took her seat, silently asking him for an explanation that he didn't know if he was allowed to give. 

Gordon trusted Sara not to go tell a news-station or anything if he told her about the aliens in Black Mesa, but the real question was wether or not she'd believe him. It wasn't like they were vital to his re-telling of their journey through his old workplace. Plus, Gman probably wouldn't want him telling anybody who wasn't involved about all that went on there anyway. Confidentiality and all that. 

Joshua and Benrey padded back into the room, both with cups of frozen grapes in hand. Trotting over to Gordon, Joshua scooted in beside him, popping a grape into his mouth with a soft hum. 

Benrey, instead of taking a seat like everyone else, stood over the back of the couch, watching Gordon with a dead-eyed interest, "Yo... We doing story time?" 

Gordon wrinkled his nose at the other man, "Yeah, uh. Basically, I messed up big time." 

"Got that right," Benrey supplied helpfully, loudly shoving another grape into his fanged maw. 

Ignoring him, Gordon pressed on, "I basically caused this whole... Chain reaction sort of thing inside the facility and ended up killing up most everybody inside... I was safe from a lot of the radiation because of the HEV suit I'd been wearing, but, yeah. As far as I know, the only other survivors were me, three other scientists, Benrey and _maybe_ two other guys, but I'm not sure. We probably only just made it out before stuff blew up." 

"And your arm?" 

Gordon's gaze flicked to Benrey, who'd quickly turned to stare at the opposite wall in apparent fascination. 

"A stray saw. There was all kinds of dangerous equipment in Black Mesa and it all malfunctioned after I messed up the experiment we were doing." 

Sara clearly wanted to ask more, but was holding herself back for reasons unknown to Gordon, "That... Sounds like a lot." 

__"It was," Gordon absently curled his arm around Joshua, who grumbled in response, but didn't jump away immediately._ _

Before Gordon could warn her not to, Sara glanced behind her, up to Benrey, "And you just decided to stay here? If you don't mind my probing, don't you have a house of your own to go back to?" 

"Yeah, uh, not. Feetman's got a cool setup here. Hoggin' all it to himself ain't right. Dude didn't even finish Pokemon Soul Silver, you believe that? Guy ain't even _cool_. I'm the one doin' him a favor." 

Like opposite sides of a coin, as annoyed with Benrey's winding answers as Gordon was, Sara seemed enthralled by it, promising the next few hours to be painfully filled with Sara enabling Benrey's rambling. 

Letting loose a completely startled bout of laughter, Sara looked back to Gordon with a scheming glare, " _Did_ he now." 

Unfortunately, the two got on unfairly well, each having the uncanny knack of pressing Gordons buttons. But he'd managed to stay in good enough spirits about the whole debacle, seeing as Joshua was back now. His kid had long since reached the age of independence, no longer hiding behind Gordon at the sight of something unfamiliar, and instead taking it in stride. But Gordon didn't really miss it either. Seeing this new side of Joshua was an experience he was ready to take on. But mostly, he was glad to be alive to be able to experience his son growing up. 

Being a single father had it's hardships, but he wouldn't trade Joshua for the world. And now he had Benrey here to help out, if only to empower Joshua's more rambunctious tenancies, as he'd already shown he was plenty capable of doing. Already having encouraging Joshua to head-butt Gordon in the stomach multiple times, stomping in tandem down the hall, and making loud squishing sounds to interrupt Gordon as he talked. Seeing the two having fun brought up Joshua's earlier question of how long Benrey would be staying. The guy obviously didn't have a house of his own, but Gordon had enough money to lend him that he could score an apartment of his own. He declined to acknowledge the pang in his heart at the thought of Benrey leaving to go live elsewhere. 

But still, it was nice to see that everyone got along. Distantly, Gordon wondered how Sara and Joshua would fare with the rest of The Science Team, but that was a question to be tested another time. Though, Gordon did have a hunch they'd both get along well with Tommy. Most people probably did; the guy was just too nice and tolerant of all the assholes around him, Gordon included. 

God, he'd have to make it up to him at some point. He'd said some kind of awful things to him. Now that he was thinking about it, he'd probably be having to make it up to everybody. Gordon Freeman redemption arc. Maybe he could take them all out for brunch or something. Bubby probably wouldn't care one way or the other, but Gordon doubted that he'd decline free food. 

Either way, Gordon now had a brunch to plan, a toddler to deal with, Benrey and probably something else he hadn't taken into consideration just yet. 

As the day inevitably drew to a close, Sara still had a flight to catch so she could head back home. Shucking her coat back on, which she'd discarded at some point during the day, realizing the weather here was much too hot for jackets, she started towards the door. 

"It was nice to meet you Benrey; and I'll see you later Joshie!" 

As Joshua half waved from the couch, currently engrossed in watching Benrey play something on the Switch, Sara turned to Gordon, a familiar glint in her eye, "How about you walk me down to the ground floor?" 

Well shit. He was in for _something_. As Gordon wracked his mind for what it could be, he turned back to Benrey, "You got Joshua for a moment?" 

"Uh-huh. Totally bro. Got... Everything under control here." 

Taking that as affirmation, Gordon followed Sara out the door and down the hall. 

"So... What'd I do this time?" 

Sara let out an exasperated sound, "You mean you don't _know_?" 

"Well, I'm not really sure what you're trying to get at here. Really, theres a number of things you could be referring to." 

"Gordon," she said. 

"Sara," he replied. 

"Your _roommate_. Did you just think I'd pass his perma-eyebags off as like, mascara or something? Or the claw hands? Or the glowing eyes? Or-" 

____

____

"Okay, okay, yeah, I've got it now," Gordon adjusted the collar of his shirt as he pressed the button in the elevator to send them down to the first floor, "Just... Go ahead. I've gotta... Make sure we're on the same page here. I _really_ don't want any misunderstandings here." 

"He's like, vaguely gray Gordon, that's basically textbook alien. I know Black Mesa was involved in some fucked up stuff but I didn't think _you_ were." 

"I wasn't. Not on purpose anyway. Benrey just kinda'... Followed me out. I wasn't one of the people who dealt with all that, but the guy had nowhere else to go. I couldn't exactly leave him on the street and tell him to fend for himself. Like, he'd be well and capable of that, but... I don't know." 

"And you trust some alien enough to be alone with Joshua?" 

"When you phrase it like that, not really! But, Benrey's... Just a guy, you know?" 

Sara shook her head, stepping out of the elevator, leaving Gordon no choice but to follow. 

"I didn't actually mean anything by it," she said, "He seems decent. Kind of confusing but, a funny dude." 

Gordon would have disagreed, but Sara wasn't done. 

"I'm not going to tell anyone or anything, honest, he doesn't seem really dangerous and you trust Joshua to be with him so you probably think he's a good guy too. At least to some extent. I just... I don't want to see you get hurt Gordon. You've dealt with a lot these past few years and you don't need to add another tally to that list." 

Clapping a hand onto his shoulder Sara pulled him into a tight hug that Gordon returned in earnest, despite not knowing exactly what she meant. 

Pulling away, she trotted to the double-door exit, flashing a peace sign at him as she walked out backwards, "Call me soon Gordon. And don't wait till you're dying to do it either!" 

"I wont." 

As she moved out of sight, Gordon waited in the lobby for a long moment before finally getting back on the elevator, alone this time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when ur sister who has known ur roommate for less than a day can already sense the slight romantic tension between you two..


	9. you were promised brunch, but I raise you. dinner?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me on my instagram! i crave interaction!!! please!!! also... tghis chapter is softer jus so i can practice writing nice stuff. make me smile real good

Gordon still wasn't positive Benrey was a certified driver, but it was too late to back out now. Joshua was already buckled into his carseat in the back, and he wasn't about to go try and take him out now after promising him pancakes. So he'd just have to trust that Benrey wouldn't purposely drive them into a ditch or something. It might not hurt him, but it would probably leave Gordon and Joshua very dead. Just the thought made him sick to his stomach, and he briefly wondered if he could entice Joshua with takeout or something. But Benrey was already shoving his Gordons key into the ignition and carefully backing out of the parking spot. 

"See?" He said haughtily as he glanced down to the map displayed on Gordons phone, "Just like Mario Kart." 

"Mario Kart!" Joshua repeated with a bounce in his carseat, "Can we play when we get home?" 

" _Maybe_." Gordon interjected before Benrey could give him an affirmative. He'd probably be too tired to play after they got back, but his enthusiasm skyrocketed for the time being. Benrey had been showing Joshua how to play these past few days, but since he was still little, and didn't have a good hang of it, Joshua would typically just pick a CPU to represent him in his stead and see if it would win. 

He was pretty sure Benrey let Joshua win sometimes, but he always faked his disappointment so well Gordon wasn't sure wether it was genuine or not. Either way, the guy who got gamer rage over Wii games was driving them to I-Hop for dinner with The Science Team. Gordon didn't know _why_ everyone had decided on I-Hop when he'd suggested plenty of other actual dinner places, but it wasn't like he got a choice in the matter anyway, having everyone shouting over him on the group call he'd initiated in agreement. It might have been because of the offhanded remark Dr. Coomer gave about being banned from a lot of places, but the older scientist joked often enough that it could have been just a little falsehood. Thought, it was easy to imagine him getting into fistfights over nothing, so maybe it wasn't _too_ far fetched. 

Gordon was still a little nervous to be bringing Joshua along, but everyone was insistent that it would be fine, that they wouldn't get into _too_ much trouble. It was only an I-Hop after all. There wasn't too much that you could throw around without having to rip it out of the floor first. Not that'd pose a threat to either of the older scientists; Bubby with his still baffling pyrokinesis, and Dr. Coomer's strength. But he did hope they'd stay true to their promise. 

Tommy also mentioned bringing along two friends; Gordon was _pretty_ sure he knew who they were going to be, but you never know. Maybe he'd made another perfect, immortal dog and was bringing them and Sunkist along. Maybe the second one was named Fanta or something. 

He'd find out soon enough anyway. 

Luckily, Benrey was a well enough driver to get them all to I-Hop in one piece. He quickly recognized Tommy's yellow car from across the lot, and a tacky flame print one parked next to it that was bound to be Bubby's. Great, they were late. 

Hopping out of the passenger seat, he quickly rounded around to the back of the car to help Joshua unbuckle. He was insistent on doing it himself, so gordon watched and waited as his kid fumbled with the buckle. Finally, climbing to the ground, Gordon ushered the two towards the entrance. 

As they were just about to reach the doors Benrey paused, slowing his pace dramatically, "Whoa... Whats the rush bro?" he asked, a slight twitch of his lips betraying his scheming. 

"We're the last ones here. And being the one who set all this up it's kinda' rude." 

"Ain't _me_ who set it up so uh, I'm not rude... Ever heard of bein' fashionably late?" 

Shaking his head, Gordon hurried inside. The air was pleasantly chilly, a relief from the warmth outside despite the sun already setting. The lady behind the podium looking thing perked up at the sight of them, putting on an immediate mask of false cheer. 

"Table for... Three?" 

"We've ah, got a group here already." 

He watched with slight nervousness as the woman's features twitched downwards for a half second before being quickly covered up by her previous customer service expression. Not a good sign, Gordon hoped they hadn't caused too much trouble already. 

"Right this way then." 

Now re-joined by Benrey, Gordon followed the lady to two jointed tables in the corner of the room. Nothing seemed to be scorched, so The Science Team were probably just being their usual rowdy selves. Hopefully. 

Dr. Coomer's raucous laughter came to a halt as he caught sight of the last three to the table, "Hello Gordon! And friends of course!" 

Joshua waved avidly, talking the first seat available, which, unfortunately, was right next to Bubby. He desperately hoped the older scientist had enough wit about him not to curse around Josh. And Tommy's friends were, in fact, not dogs, but Darnold and Forzen. 

Darnold, he wasn't too worried about, but on the other hand, the last they'd seen of Forzen was him dancing behind some storage crates and threatening Sunkist, though it'd proved to be futile since she was perfect, and therefore immune to bullets. But Tommy had an arm around both of their shoulders, so he could probably trust him to be civil over a dinner. Besides, they were basically all war criminals here, what more was there to do after that. 

Sitting down next to Joshua, Gordon nodded to the older scientist, "Hey Dr. Coomer, sorry for the holdup. Joshua's been dead set on wearing his cowboy boots as of late, and we had to wait for them to finish drying." 

"Well they're a fine choice Joshua. Did you pick them yourself?" 

Joshua, who visibly brightened at the mention of his cowboy boots, went on to tell Dr. Coomer, _yes_ he picked them out, why he did, and probably how cowboy boots were vital to everyday life and whatever else ran through the toddlers head. It was a conversation Gordon had sat through nearly every day now so he was only vaguely familiar. To be honest, Joshuas monologue was probably on par with Dr. Coomer's rececitaion of the Wikipedia article on chairs. Seeing as that side of the table was now thoroughly occupied, Gordon turned to the other half. 

"Mr. Coomer said your arm was doing better but it's- I'm glad to see that you're okay myself Mr. Freeman." 

Gordon didn't know wether Tommy was referring to his overall state of being or just his arm, but he was glad not to hear another, 'you look like shit,' so he took it as a win. 

"Yeah, I've been doing a lot better lately. How... Have you been?" 

Resorting to small talk with the people he survived hell with. Nice. Tommy didn't seem to mind though which was slightly relieving. 

"I- I've been doing quite swell Mr. Freeman. Forzen here has been staying over for a while now, much like, uh, Benrey at yours. And Darnold's been letting me get a taste of the new up-and-coming Powerade flavors! I'm- I think the Evil one's a real hit!" 

Gordon didn't exactly know what Evil would taste like, but he found himself wanting to try it, maybe he'd hit Darnold up later and ask for a little taste. But Forzen staying at Tommy's place was interesting. Especially since he'd phrased it, ' _like Benrey_ ,'. The guy had survived Gordon shooting him multiple times and had come back from the dead. All things Benrey had done. Maybe... 

He snuck a quick glance over to the two. It was painfully clear that they were uncomfortable; avoiding eye contact with each other at all costs. Gordon might have been slightly sympathetic had Benrey not hindered them in the parking lot. But he could draw a few parallels between the two. While Benrey was visibly more inhuman looking, they both had the same glowing eyes, Forzen's being more of an off-green, and similar pale, greying skin. 

Gordon internally jotted down his hypothesis as a _maybe_. It was something he'd half to question Benrey about later. 

Before he was able to formulate a response to Tommy, a waitress came to their table to take everyones orders. Gordon absolutely had not been looking at the menu, so he let everyone order before him so he could gauge what sounded best. He ended up ordering the same kind of crêpe as Bubby, because apparently none of them were actually ordering real dinner food. Aside from Dr. Coomer who'd ordered a _steak_ of all things, which made Gordons stomach roil with distaste. There were just some things you didn't do. Like order a steak at an open twenty four-seven breakfast place. But Dr. Coomer didn't seem to mind, drumming his utensils on the edge of the table contentedly. 

Gordon was satisfied just to watch everyone talk, going by his old workplace rule of 'don't speak unless spoken to,' not that it was necessary to do so, but it made him more comfortable. Until somebody said stupid enough shit that he had to comment. Like in the instance of Bubby complaining about the wait for their food taking too long, even though they'd _just_ ordered. And Benrey agreeing with him just to spite Gordon, which apparently lead to Joshua to join in. Though his kid probably didn't even know what he was agreeing too. 

So one thing lead to another, and Bubby nearly got them all booted from the restaurant from the chanting he'd started. And suddenly, it was very easy to see why Dr. Coomer had decided against the nice restaurants Gordon had proposed. Because, had they actually gone someplace nice, they probably would have been escorted out a long time ago. 

Fortunately, this was still an I-Hop and they tolerated The Science Team's boisterous antics, even bringing out all of their food out in a timely manner. Gordon was pretty sure one of the chef's was bound to have spat in Bubby's meal, but it wasn't really a wonder to him anyway. He could deal with the consequences of his actions on his own. 

What _was_ of a concern to his, was Benrey speaking fruit off his plate as he talked. The guy had only ordered a milkshake for himself, but was obviously still hungry, so he'd resorted to fishing off Gordon's plate. In the middle of his discussion with Darnold about his Evil Powerade flavor, Gordon caught movement out of the corner of his eye, and snagged ahold of Benrey's outstretched wrist 

" _You_ got your own food, so _stop_ stealing mine!" 

Benrey's flat stare roved to his wrist, still in Gordons grip, "If you wanted to hold hands you coulda' just said so..." 

As Benrey moved to intertwine their fingers, Gordon jerked his hand away, his face immediately heating in embarrassment, "I do _not_. Just. Keep your hands off my plate." 

Shrugging nonchalantly, Benrey tugged at the back of his beanie, "Whatever bro... Didn't even want your dumb fruit anyway." 

And indeed, he didn't steal from Gordons plate again. Instead, wheedled a pancake from Tommy. Gordon could feel his smug stare burning into the side of his face, but he elected to ignore him. 

As the evening drew to a close, with Joshua's head falling onto Gordon's arm as he was getting tired, Gordon found himself feeling lighter. Even if he hadn't outright apologized to everyone, he did feel a lot better about his stance with everyone. Gordon snagged the bill before Dr. Coomer could take it and insist on playing, and it wasn't even too bad. Another perk of eating at I-Hop. But they ended the night on a good note, and a promise to all meet up again sometime soon. 

After Benrey drove them home, Gordon was barely awake enough to put Joshua to bed, let alone climb under his covers before he was out like a light. The last sensation he was aware of was the warm glow of friendship. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: casually makes Forzen non human.  
> me: now it fits the lore... ahahah >:)  
> Also this chapter is a lil shorter but *I turn the other way, you cant see it but theres a lil evil smile on my face*


	10. oh the longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh ;) hahaha sorry in advance. but >:) check the tags now.  
> TW for death this chapter!

Blearily, Gordon was aware of two distant thumps resounding from the kitchen. Rubbing his eyes, he felt for his phone on the nightstand next to his bed, squinting at the sudden brightness. Only five thirty? _Nobody_ was awake at this god-awful time, but from the sounds in the other room there very much was. 

Joshua tended to be a light sleeper and he'd acquired the habit of getting up to get water at various times throughout the night, so it might have been him. Slipping out of bed and adjusting his pajamas, Gordon trudged out of his bedroom towards the kitchen. 

Just as he was about to round the corner, Gordon stumbled forwards, his foot stumbling on an unseen object. Barely managing to catch himself on the opposite wall, he turned to see what'd tripped him up. His breath catching in his throat as he realized that it was a _leg_. 

Lying face-down on the plasticky fake tile of the kitchen floor, was Benrey. Automatically, Gordons mind filled on the blank spots around him with blood. Dark red pooling out from beneath his chest, creeping towards his feet. 

Despite knowing better, Gordon stumbled forwards, the blood puddle vanishing as he made his way towards Benrey. 

His beanie was displaced on his head, revealing a large swath of dark, black hair. And now that he was closer, he _could_ see a small trickle of blood coming off his face. He wasn't breathing. 

Ordinarily, Gordon would have moved on. Benrey had died all the time in Black Mesa, and he'd always come back just fine. So, he _knew_ there probably wasn't anything to worry about. But the sight of him on Gordons floor, in a familiar, _safe_ environment, felt wrong in so many ways. Benrey was only supposed to die in the already blood coated halls of Black Mesa. Not on his kitchen floor. 

Numbly, Gordon knelt down and rolled Benrey over, not an easy task considering the guy was already bigger than him. Pushing aside his emotions for a moment, Gordon slipped into observation mode, assessing the damage to Benrey's body. Most of the blood was coming from his mouth, speckled over his chin and shirt like he'd been coughing, but his nose appeared to be broken as well. Probably from falling down face first. 

_Fuck_ he was dead. It shouldn't have bothered Gordon this much. Benrey always bounced back. But even when he'd died before, Gordon hadn't clutched the shoulders of his still body, silently willing him back to life. In the back of his mind he wondered if this could really be it. If Benrey'd finally kicked it. God, _fuck_ , maybe Tommy would know what to do. Forzen was probably an alien or whatever like Benrey, maybe there was something he could do. Maybe Gman had the power to bring him back or something. 

_Shit_. He couldn't be dead. He _couldn't_ be. What would he do about Joshua? Gordon couldn't just leave his body in the kitchen, desperately he'd get back up and go back to playing on the Wii or whatever the fuck else he did. He couldn't just pass it off as a 'he's sleeping,'. _Fuck _, what was he going to do.__

____

____

____

____

Squeezing his eyes shut, Gordon willed back the tears becoming laden in his eyes. Maybe Gman wouldn't fix him, Benrey had been the 'Big Bad' after all. Maybe they'd just- 

Lips pressed up against the underside of jaw, immediately halting Gordons train of thought. It was a soft touch he should have jumped away from, but instead he remained motionless in place. Only glancing down to see Benrey, now alive under his grasp. 

"Calm down." 

There hadn't been any sweet voice, but his relief was near instantaneous. 

"Screw you," Gordon grumbled hoarsely, leaning back so Benrey could sit up, though the other man made no such motions to do so. 

"Whoa' rude. Was just helpin' a bud out." 

"Wha-" Gordon shook his head, "How'd you die...?" 

Benrey scratched his tooth, still lying on the floor, but pointedly not looking at Gordon, "Uh, was a lil' hungry still," he grimaced, pulling a green, almost crystalline piece from out of his mouth, "There was some uh, rat food or whatever under your sink. Didn't... Make me feel good. Got thirsty. Fell down, big ouchies." 

"You _shithead_. Did you eat _rat poison_?" 

Benrey shrugged, "Maybe. I uh, mean, no." 

" _Fuck you_ man," Gordon let out a harsh laugh as he got back to his feet, "I was all _worried_ and shit for you, thinking maybe you were actually dead. But, _fuck you_ you _knowingly_ ate rat poison." 

____

____

"Come on bro... I was just a little hungry. Just wanted a little snack. If you'd uh, let me at your strawberries last night I wouldn'tave' eaten it so uh, it's actually your fault bro." 

Gordons teeth clenched together as he glared at Benrey on the floor, "This is _not_ my fault. You got your own fucking food and- actually. You know what? I don't have to deal with this. Get the fuck out of here. You didn't even think about Joshua. What if he'd come out here for something and had seen you like that. _Fuck_. Just- get out of here Benrey." 

Quickly stumbling to his feet, Benrey stared wide-eyed at Gordon, "Wait- dude I didn't-" 

" _Get out_." 

Genuine hurt flashed over Benrey's features as he took a step back, the genuine expression quickly replaced by indifference. Vanishing a second later to god knows where. 

Gordon might have been pleased with himself, getting Benrey to finally listen to him for once, but the hollow ache in his chest took precedent over that. He didn't often regret what he said in the heat of an argument, but hell if he did now. Now Benrey was out who _knows_ where after he'd basically told the guy to fuck off. All of his clothes and shit were here too. God _damn_ it. 

It wasn't like Benrey had a phone earlier, so he couldn't just call him back. Fuck, he was such an _idiot_. 

____

____

His only consolation was that, above all things, Benrey was persistent. He knew where Gordons apartment was, so it wasn't like he'd get lost somewhere and not be able to find his way back, especially with his teleporting. He'd probably just be waiting him out at somebody else's house. Gordon would probably wake up tomorrow and find Benrey back on his couch, probably hitting Kevin with a net again. 

Or maybe, he'd finally had enough of Gordons melodrama. Finally tired of Gordon hurting him and telling him to leave, only to make some shitty apology after. 

And if that was the case... Gordon didn't know what he'd do. It'd already been hard enough, taking care of Joshua with both of them here. He didn't know how he'd manage now as a full time Dad, now lacking one hand. 

Benrey had been part of the reason- no, _most_ of the reason Gordon had finally been well enough to have Joshua back in his life. It wasn't like he was immediately going to revert back into an anxious spiraling mess without the extra help, but he could feel that tension already building in his head. 

He tried not to acknowledge it, but as he stood stone-still in the kitchen, still facing the place where Benrey had been moments earlier, he was forced to finally confront the feeling he'd been avoiding. Benrey had been _helping_ him. He hadn't complained about having to sleep on the couch night after night, or how Gordon needed him or the trivial tasks he still struggled with in his new-founded one-handedness. It could have just been guilt on Benrey's part that kept him here, but boy if Gordon didn't hope that it was something more. Benrey bothered him into helping make meals for everybody, and, fuck, he healed Gordon's arm after just seeing his discomfort in the hospital. He was awake those two whole nights to make sure he was okay. He'd kept Gordon grounded in some of his more panicky moments and he'd never once made Gordon think he was going to hurt him or Joshua after he'd gotten back. 

Gordon _liked_ him. A lot. Probably too much. Benrey had tried to kill him after all. But he was long past the point of forgiveness now. He really liked Benrey. And he'd told him to leave. 

God if he wasn't the biggest screwup in the whole goddamn world, then he didn't know who was. Gordon wanted to scream; to cry, to do fucking _something_ But in his kitchen he still stood, frozen, but his breathing coming more raggedly than before. 

"Daddy?" 

Forcing himself not to whirl around, Gordon turned to face Joshua, mustering up a smack smile for his kid, "Whats up buddy?" 

Joshua's gaze searched his own, able to tell something was off, but still being too young to know what it was, "Where's Benrey?" 

Gordon's breathing hitched at the other mans name, "He's... Out with Dr. Coomer. You remember Dr. Coomer from last night don't you?" 

His momentary hesitation gone, Joshua grinned at him, "The strong cowboy man!" 

He wouldn't exactly call Dr. Coomer a cowboy by any means, but he was indeed strong, "Yeah. Hey, Joshie, now that you're up, do you want some breakfast?" 

___"Cereal!" He demanded with a giggle, "And grapes!"_ _ _

___Well, at least those he could manage. Gordon made himself and Joshua both a bowl of cereal, pausing afterwards to scrub Benrey’s blood; that Joshua luckily hadn’t noticed, off the floor, before heading into the shower. He didn’t wasn't to stay in the water for too long since Joshua was up now, but fuck if the water felt nice._ _ _

___After drying off, Gordon decided this was _not _a day to wallow in self-pity, no matter bow badly he wanted to. Instead, he offered to take Joshua to the park not far from their apartment complex, an offer he knew his kid couldn't resist.___ _ _

On the walk over, Joshua occupied him with facts about desert animals and cowboys, some he'd heard before, and some new to him. Obviously he'd left the channel on NatGeoWild enough that Joshua had somehow managed to find some entertainment in the wildlife documentaries. But as his son left to climb over the playground equipment, Gordon found himself alone with his thoughts once more. His gaze wandered to the edges of the park, a sorrowful sort of hope in his chest as he scanned the shadows of the strategically planted trees. Hoping to see a familiar set of golden eyes peering back at him. 

But of course, Benrey wouldn't be at the park of all places. He had no reason to be anyway. If anything, he was probably pissed with Gordon by now, with how he'd lashed out at him in his fit of worry. That thought sent a pang though Gordon. A hollow ache digging a home in his chest. 

_The ache of wanting to be wanted._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally don't know how to write anything other than angst so. you all get to live with it. also that last line came to me in a fit of my own longing so. Its wonderful and i cruy..


	11. You'll never win an argument with a dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow. A Benrey pov chapter AND he's at Tommys house?? Daring today aren't we? 
> 
> also. i am. finally drinking monster for the first time. feel SO freaking speedy. epic B)

Tommy had been surprised to see Benrey lounging con his couch in the early hours of the morning, but upon seeing the mess of sweet voice clouded above him, Benrey was pretty sure he got the idea of what was going on. Choosing not to comment on the array of colors, Tommy instead casually moved across the room, "Will- are you staying for breakfast then?" 

Slowly tearing his gaze from the ceiling, Benrey met Tommy's furtive looks, "Wuh? I- uh. Yeah, I guess." 

With a nod, Tommy padded into the kitchen, his gaze flickering back to Benrey for a moment; who was currently doing his very best to keep his face in a neutral state. 

"So," Tommy started after a while, bringing two pieces of toast out into the living room, "What happened with Mr. Freeman?" 

Taking the plate with mumbled thanks, Benrey kept his eyes averted as he ate, only glancing up as Sunkist padded into the room, her tail thumping on the ground as she laid down next to Tommy who'd decided to sit on the floor, "I uh... Was still a little hungry last night... So after Freeman went to bed I got up to uh, get a lil' snack you know? Gamer fuel." 

Tommy's brows pulled together slightly at that, but Benrey wasn't paying close enough attention to interpret the look, "Went... Under his sink. Found some rat food. Poison. Whatever. Can't really hurt me for real anyway so I uh. Ate some. A lot." 

Grimacing at him, Tommy paused, "You... Ate rat poison? Knowingly?" 

Taking a loud bite out of the toast, Benrey shrugged, "Yeah. Uh, no. Sure. Anyway, didn't feel good after. Obviously poisoned but figured I've got enough buffs or something that it wouldn't be too sucks. Just... Coughed up a little blood. You know, a reasonable amount. It was chill. Casual. Got thirsty after a bit and I uh, died I guess." 

Tommy sighed, shaking his head as he removed his hand from Sunkist's fur, "Thats- poison does that. It's- its why its called _poison_ Benrey." 

"Well; didn't matter anyway. I'm alive so it's fine. But uh, took a little time to wake up. Poisons weird, had to... Purge it from my system or whatever. Took a little longer than usual, and Feetman was freaking out a little so, gave him a casual, bro smooch. Calm him down a little. Then he uh... Yelled at me. Got all worked up and shit over me being dead. Even though he's seen ol' Benny boy dead plenty of times before. Told me to get out after that. Pretty cringe of him to be honest." 

__Finally looking back to Tommy, his lips twitched upwards at the other mans strained expression, "Benrey... You know Mr. Freeman was afraid of you, right?"_ _

__That erased his half grin pretty quickly. Shifting the now empty plate in his grasp he licked his lips, "Yeah, on Xen."_ _

"No, he- Mr. Freeman called me. Right after you showed yourself to him in- in his apartment. He was _really_ scared of you." 

___Benrey tugged his beanie down lower over his head, trying to squash the burning of sweet voice bubbling up in his throat. But it could only be held in for so long before he coughed up a steam of purple to a grayish brown._ _ _

___"Iris to silt means I feel guilt," Tommy deftly translated, only to have Forzen walk into the room a second later. Great. Benrey more sensed his presence before he actively heard him, and no doubt Forzen had as well, but had still decided to join him and Tommy out in the living room anyway._ _ _

"Wow," Forzen drawled, his eyes narrowing marginally at the sweet voice still hanging his the air, "Imagine feeling guilt." 

Tommy's bright gaze softened slightly at Forzen's appearance, "Be- be nice," he chided, mock glaring at the other man walked over to press a soft kiss to the top of his head. 

Benrey met Forzen's brief state as he turned away to walk into the kitchen, a silent bitterness still hanging in the air between the two of them. Having both been 'alien shit' of similar species at Black Mesa, they'd been bound to meet at some point or another. And they had, multiple times. Their first few encounters had been in sort of a makeshift steel arena, so some old fucks could watch from behind glass as they used their powers on each-other. They were very durable, as the scientists had quickly discovered after quite a bit of prodding, and so they decided to pit them against each other. To see how far they could go. 

Obviously, neither him or Forzen had been keen off the fighting or testing, but they'd grown to become friends over the years. Forming a sort of truce amidst it all, to not go too far. Till Benrey said some some shit about Irate Gamer and Forzen had been pissed with him ever since. Benrey had found his irritation funny at first, until the other man had gone as far as to threaten Sunkist over it which was _not_ cool. No matter how immortal Sunkist was, it still wasn’t nice to put a dog in possible harms way. Benrey didn’t know how Tommy had forgiven him for that already, but then again, Tommy’d always liked mean people. 

"But I'm uh, not saying it to be mean," Tommy continued, drawing Benrey's attention back to him, "Because I don't- it doesn't seem like Mr. Freemans scared of you anymore. If anything I think he'd probably been scared _for_ you." 

___Benrey's mouth tightened as he considered that, "Like I said. Bro's seen me dead plenty of times."_ _ _

___"Yeah, but he, um... Didn't really... Mr. Freeman didn't exactly like you then."_ _ _

___Benrey scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest, "He doesn't like me now either dude. Guy... Kicked his homie out."_ _ _

___Tommy's expression turned more to a tired sort of pity as he took the plate from his lap, "It's okay if- if you stay here for today Benrey but... I do think you should try to apologize to Mr. Freeman."_ _ _

___Benrey sunk further into Tommy's couch, settling to glare at his friends retreating form as he made his way back into the kitchen._ _ _

_He_ shouldn't be the one to apologize. _Feetman_ was the one who kicked him out. Didn't even thank him for the nice little kiss he gave him to keep him from crying or whatever cringe thing he'd been about to do. But he never thanked Benrey for all the smooches he gave him at Black Mesa in the first place. At first he'd just done it to be obnoxious, but after Tommy had pulled him aside and informed him it was how humans showed their shitty affections or whatever, it'd transferred to more of a way to try and get his attention. Not that Gordon even noticed or really commented on it at all. 

____

____

___Trying to be noticed was hard. He'd even been attempting to be nicer, focusing less on annoying Gordon to the point of where he yelled at him, but the fine middle, just to make him laugh. He liked Gordons laugh._ _ _

___Parting his lips, he let a few bubbles of a sad, dull blue flood above him, popping and dissipating into smoke mid-air._ _ _

___"Navy blue means I miss you."_ _ _

___Benrey cast a flat stare in Tommy's direction as Forzen scoffed, "Bro... You could totally just, not translate my cringe feelings."_ _ _

___"Then he wouldn't be translating anything," Forzen barked with a sneer, "Besides, everybody already knows you've got it bad for the dumb fucking scientist."_ _ _

___Pushing past Forzen, Tommy re-entered the living-room, keys in hand, "Just... Think about saying sorry. Forzen and I are heading over to Darnold's for the day so..."_ _ _

___Benrey waved him off, clipping into the couch slightly as he lowered himself even further, "Go drink your Powerade bro. Sunkist and I will have a good hangout sesh'. Gonna'... Have the time of our lives."_ _ _

___Nodding stiffly, Tommy padded out the front door, Forzen following close behind, making sure to affix Benrey with a heated stare before closing it._ _ _

___Patting Sunkist's head as she set it gently on the couch next to him, Benrey closed his eyes, "Whys everybody gotta be so mean to me..." he whined halfheartedly, "Tellin me to up and apologize n' shit..."_ _ _

___Sunkist blinked at him in apparent disagreement._ _ _

"It _is_ mean... I came back to life just fine and his kid didn't even see me. Don't get what he was so worked up over." 

___Sunkist let out a soft 'boof' and a volley of sweet voice that Benrey took a moment to decipher. He wasn't as good at reading it as Tommy was. Mostly, it was an indigo to charred gray._ _ _

"No, I didn't say sorry before." 

___Sunkist barked loudly at him making his ears ring slightly. Moving lower into the couch so only his head was showing he wrinkled his nose at her. Gordon... He'd immediately told him that he was sorry after he teleported back into his room for the second time. And he hadn't really done anything bad in the first place. Sure he'd killed shot him a few times and had killed him, but no permanent harm, no foul. It took a lot more than destroying a few passports to kill Benrey._ _ _

But he hadn't said sorry. He was the bad guy who did the bad things and he hadn't said sorry for that. He hadn't _wanted_ to make Gordon scared for him by dying again, but he still had. What he did wasn't was to not have Gordon be scared of, or for him. He'd decided to be done being the bad guy a while ago, but apparently he hadn't stopped altogether yet. He'd have to fix that. 

___So... Maybe an apology was a good first step in the right direction. Not that he even knew where to start since words weren't exactly his strong suit. If it was Tommy, he could just rely on his sweet voice to do the work for him, but Freeman didn't even know the colors meanings._ _ _

___The guy really wasn't making it easy for Benrey._ _ _

___Since Tommy was already out he couldn't depend on him for asking how to apologize, and Benrey doubted Bubby had apologized for anything his entire life; which left Dr. Coomer for questioning._ _ _

He wasn't necessarily _nervous_ around the guy, but he also wasn't completely comfortable with him either. He seemed to have forgiven Benrey, but there was still something about the old scientist that set him on edge. It was probably because he could, and had, punted him across rooms without any effort. 

___Maybe going to Dr. Coomer for help would ease his whole uncertainty about him. Or just strengthen it. Whatever. Resolve hardening, Benrey popped back out of the couch, patting Sunkist on the head once more, "Tell Tommy I uh... Headed to talk to Coomer."_ _ _

___After a moment, she licked his hand, blinking in an affirmative._ _ _

___He didn't exactly know where the old guy's house was so he just settled for teleporting right to him. In a flash, he was seated on a marble kitchen counter across from Dr. Coomer who was eating his own breakfast, idly reading the news._ _ _

___"Who even reads the newspaper man."_ _ _

___Glancing up, Dr. Coomer didn't seem particularly surprised to see Benrey intruding in his home; probably because he could easily deck him if need be, "Ah! Hello security chief Boper!"_ _ _

___"Sup."_ _ _

Taking a sip off whatever was in his beaker shaped mug, Dr. Coomer folded the newspaper and set it off to the side of his plate, "What brings you to my home? Looking for a go at Super Punch Out on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System? If so, I'll let you know that it’ll be hard to beat my high-score!" 

___Benrey rolled the fabric of his shorts between his fingers as he glanced around, "Uh, cool as that sounds I've... Got a question for you. Tommy's all busy and whatever and Bubby isn't really ideal for this kinda thing," he mumbled._ _ _

___"Well do go ahead. I'm all ears!"_ _ _

___"How do you... Apologize about shit?"_ _ _

___Stroking his mustache Dr. Coomer stared at Benrey for a moment, "Well, I'm assuming you're talking about Gordon and Xen here; but I think it's very important that you're sincere when attempting to apologize."_ _ _

"Yeah, sure, but how do you _do_ that." 

___"If you want to show that you mean it, you've got to face what you did head on! Not an easy task, but forgiveness is very rewarding. Maybe to ensure your meaning is conveyed properly, it'd be best to drop your pretenses of rambling and get right to the point."_ _ _

___"So..." he tapped the counter with his claw; definitely not in a nervous way, and glanced out the kitchen window, "Would it be uh, most effective to do it soon? Get the best outcome. Reap the most Exp?"_ _ _

___"I do believe so yes. The longer you prolong the issue, the less sincere you'll seem."_ _ _

___Hopping down off the counter, Benrey finally flicked his gaze back in the older mans direction, "Well, thanks for the walkthrough I guess. Five stars on IGN. But I've gotta... Take on the boss for real."_ _ _

___"Well, I do hope your apology goes well! It'd be such a shame to see the both of you split ways."_ _ _

___Shifting onto his other foot, and flashing a peace sign, Benrey teleported back to Gordon's apartment to begin his waiting game._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think this chapters a lil longer than tha last, but idc. I just REALLY wanted to write an annoyed tommy so bad.. i hope i did him justice but! idk. we'll see!


	12. feelings jam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lil CW fo a lil bit o body horror this chapter. I don't think im too descriptive abt it i don't think, but still.  
> It's jus benrey goin a lil loco but. jus in case
> 
> but, yoooo... this was kinda hard fo me to write. except fo tha angst bit. because that is where im excelling >:)

Gordon saw hide nor hair of Benrey for the rest of the morning. Not that he was really expecting to, with how venomous he'd been, but a guy could hope. But his nervous energy only escalated as the day wore on. He was jumping at the slightest sounds, usually it was only Joshua or whatever he was watching on TV, but he couldn't shake the pitiful feeling that choked him at the abrupt noises. 

After what felt like an anxiety filled eternity, he put Joshua down for his afternoon nap. With his kids new sense of independence came feeling old enough not to have to take naps. But Gordon had learned from first-hand experience that letting him stay up was worse. So, it was worth the little bit of whining and grumbling that it took to get him to bed, so he could avoid the tantrum that would come if he didn't get him to bed. 

As Gordon wandered to the bathroom, to at least try and brush his hair out again, he caught sight of the light glowing from beneath his bedroom door. Abandoning his mission to the bathroom, he crept forwards, slowly twisting the knob open, his eyes darting furiously around the darkened space despite knowing it was safe. 

And there; his computer was turned on again. Heart-rate immediately jacking up on instinct, Gordon padded forwards. He'd still yet to move Minecraft from the center of his screen, but even if he did try and re-organize his files to find a place to put it, it'd probably just be moved back the next time he looked. 

Sitting down, he opened the game up and went to select a world, this time finding two if them. 'Apology' was the name of the second world; Gordon didn't know if it was meant to be a guilt trip for him or not, but he felt the all too familiar bubbles of anger rising in his belly. Whatever. He'd see this thing through, he was already here. And he was quietly hoping Benrey would be there. Not just some sign boards he left saying how Gordon was so mean to him or something. 

Clicking on the world and waiting through the loading screen, he was mildly surprised to see Benrey center screen. Each time he'd gotten on here before, Benrey hadn't immediately shown himself, but yet here he was now. His clawed fingers tapping absently on the three iron blocks he was sitting on. 

"Whats up man?" He asked, glancing down to Gordon's character from his vantage point, "You uh... Took a while to get here." 

"Well you could've made your presence known so you didn't have to wait," he said flatly. 

Benrey shrugged, "Yeah but... Minecraft's cool. Wanted to chill. Definitely better than just waiting on your couch or whatever." 

"All you've done in the past week is chilled on my couch," he said, internally cringing at how harsh he sounded. It was probably just to offset his newfound attraction, because he couldn't actually let Benrey think he _liked_ him in that way. Especially if he wanted him to stay. But being rude hadn't exactly got him places either. Maybe he wasn't going about this the best of ways. 

__"Come on dude, gotta' spice things up with a little variety. Toss in some Minecraft action here and there..."_ _

__He shuffled uncomfortably on the iron blocks, making Gordon wonder if they were cold. Was Minecraft programmed to have heat or cold? If he stepped into a snow biome would he feel the chill of the snow? Could he even feel the textures in there? He'd have to ask at some point._ _

__"But I've uh, got somethin' kinda' important to say. So... It okay if I uh, go ahead?"_ _

__Nodding, Gordon watched as Benrey took in a sharp breath, suddenly noticing the slight shudder that ran through him. It was an uncharacteristic show of emotion that left him feeling slightly apprehensive. The last time he'd physically emoted this level of discomfort he’d been in his monologue before his boss-fight, and even then he'd kept ahold of his monotone and neutral expression. So, seeing him in what Gordon realized was genuine nervousness, was uncharted territory._ _

__"Don't... Wanna dance around nothin' here, this ain't DDR so it isn't the time or place for it but uh. Wanted... To say sorry."_ _

__Gordon blinked, "What?"_ _

"Come on man, this is hard," Benrey mumbled, his voice pitching oddly though the speakers, "I... Xen was shitty. Hadn't been there in years you know. Reminded me of everything before Black Mesa. Used to live all up in that biz' before getting captured. Kinda... Made me real mad. Because you guys worked there. Shouldn't've taken it out on you all. But I was uh, real scared bro. You say mean things sometimes, and I don't know what you're trying to _say_ -" 

___His words were interrupted as the space around him started to glitch. Gordon didn't know if it was Minecraft finally sensing the anomaly in the game, or Benrey's own doing, but he was only able to watch as the pixels danced over his screen, trying to keep his eyes on Benrey's shifting form. Extra limbs sprouting from his back clutched at his torso, as if trying to keep his self whole. His neck extended painfully to gaze at Gordon above the glitching mass that'd soon become his body._ _ _

"I can't- not... Good with my words. I-" 

___He winced as the glitching slowly began to climb up his neck, slitted eyes suddenly popping up over his neck, the pupils roving about lazily out of tandem with his main pair, still fixed on Gordon._ _ _

___"Just. I'm real sorry bro. Would never hurt you. Never wanted to hurt you guys. Just- fuck. M' not pulling that shit ever again. Don't wanna' hurt anybody bro, never wanted to hurt you. Never you."_ _ _

___Gordon watched with mounting horror as the flashing pixelation took over the rest of Benrey's form._ _ _

___"Are... You okay? Can you hear me still?"_ _ _

___The most he got was a garbled, unintelligible response that had to grate its way out of his speakers. But, like before, the program closed itself, signaling Benrey was teleporting out. But instead of materializing onto Gordons bed like before, he caught sight of him in the space between his wall and the opened door. Concealed by the shadows there, it highlighted the soft glow from his eyes. Multiple sets of eyes. No longer on his neck, but scattered over the most shaded portion of his face, their pupils fixed on the carpet beneath his feet._ _ _

___When Benrey finally spoke, his voice was soft, "Never wanted to hurt you bro."_ _ _

___Slowly getting to his feet, Gordon tip-toed across the room, trying to make as little sound as possible, it wasn't like he was trying to avoid detection by Benrey's inhuman senses, but not to stress him out further. He paused in front of the larger man, who was still avoiding his gaze._ _ _

___"Benrey."_ _ _

"Especially the shit about your hand. Didn't think they'd actually go that far. Just rough you up a little, but _fuck_. My fault." 

___"Benrey, please."_ _ _

___More, smaller eyes opened up over his face as his rambling progressed, edging more into a stream of unconscious thought rather than things he was meaning to say._ _ _

___"Fucking- just look at me dude."_ _ _

___At once, all of Benrey's eyes trained on him, wide and searching in a way that disoriented him. Shit, no, he had something to say too, no hypnotization by his too-many eyes._ _ _

___"It's okay."_ _ _

___"Fuck you. No it's not," He repied almost instantly, his pupils dilating as a rich green spurt of sweet voice punctuated by a soft hum escaped from past his lips, leaving Gordon wishing he was as deft as Tommy was at translating it._ _ _

"It is. I'll be getting a prosthetic for the shitty whatever here, and yeah, I'm not over loosing an arm, and I may never be, but I'm not mad about it. Not even about Xen. That stuff all sucked ass and wont ever not be a shitty thing that happened, but Black Mesa has never been kind. Not to me, not to Coomer, Tommy, Bubby and with you being _alien shit_ , especially not to you. I don't know what they did, but it was obviously fucked and I'm forever going to be sorry for that. Because I _did_ contribute to that company, so in a way, you were kind of right. But you... Ever since you got back you been really helpful to me wether you've noticed it or not, and I've been taking it for granted. Even with all that you did before and what happened to you you're... You're good. I'm still a little pissed about you eating the rat poison but I'm not actually upset about the other stuff anymore. Not at you. You're a good guy." 

"But I'm _not_. You _should_ be real fuckin' pissed at me for. I was the bad guy; did bad things. You don't- don't keep the bad people around. I was major sucks." 

___"Maybe so, but I'm still not mad at you for it."_ _ _

___In hopes of not perpetuating the 'but you should be' that was bound to be exiting Benrey's mouth, Gordon stepped forward, wrapping his arms around the larger man. Benrey immediately stiffened under his grasp, has arms trembling slightly as he lifted them from Gordons grip to hover over his back._ _ _

___"I forgive you dude."_ _ _

___Benrey finally leaned into him, a heavy crushing weight against Gordon's smaller form, but a welcome one. Stooping over slightly, he rested his chin on Gordon's shoulder, drawing him closer to his body, shaky, warm breaths billowing against his neck. Gordon was immobile for a long moment, save for his hand rubbing in small circles in the other man's back before he pulled away, this time sporting a regular amount of eyes._ _ _

___"Sorry for the uh... Cringe feelings."_ _ _

___Patting his shoulder akwardly, Gordon gestured behind himself, "It's fine. You... Wanna go play Katamari Damacy?"_ _ _

___Nodding vigorously, he grabbed ahold of his wrist, practically dragging Gordon out to the living room so he could set up the Switch._ _ _

___Settling onto the couch, Gordon felt his restlessness ease, watching as Benrey rifled though the Switch games, his brows drawn together intently._ _ _

___He'd been so worried that Benrey would plain out not come back because of his outburst, and now that he _was_ back, he felt the familiar achy warmth filling his chest. ___

___Flopping down on the couch next to him, Benrey jostled his shoulder as he clicked through the intro, "I was uh... Wondering. When you can get that sick metal arm, you'll be able to do Mario Kart and shit, right?"_ _ _

___"I mean, yeah probably. It'll take me a while to get used to moving the arm around so I probably wont be any good, but yeah."_ _ _

___"S' fine, I can teach you or whatev'. Jus' need some competition bro. Somebody I can make fun of for sucks driving."_ _ _

___"What," he said teasingly, "Is purposely loosing to Donkey Kong for Joshua three races in a row not your absolute favorite?"_ _ _

___Benrey scowled as his Katamari was kicked by some big animal, "Nah, nah, I'd never throw a race bro. DK Joshua got me fair and square. But for real, Mario Kart?"_ _ _

___"As long as you don't complain about me playing Daisy."_ _ _

Groaning, Benrey leaned further onto him, practically crushing Gordon against the side of the couch, "Urgh, _fine_. I'm still going to complain about your shit driving though." 

___And Gordon didn't doubt it, a smile forming over his lips as he shoved Benrey off, "You've still got a time limit. Can't have the king of all cosmos yelling at you."_ _ _

___Jerking upright, Benrey focused back in on the screen, "Oh shit. Hate the king."_ _ _

___It didnt take Joshua long to wake back up, Gordon's sudden bouts of laughter at Benrey's antics probably not helping. But Joshua didn't seem to mind, immediately clambering onto the couch to watch Benrey play, loudly proclaiming "Yowwie!" as Benrey smacked into the side of a fence, nearly jolting Gordon off the couch._ _ _

___Benrey ended up only doing two levels after Joshua began pestering them both about what was going to be for lunch, and yeah, it was getting to be that time huh. But really, it was nice. Domestic, without feeling artificial. No streaming sunlight though the window to light the room as they, mostly Benrey, worked on preparing sandwiches. Gordon did turn the radio on as they made lunch though, which was his main contribution to the meal; even if it was just atmosphere. The music was still punctuated by adds and pre-recorded 'now back to the music' type messages, but it was nice._ _ _

___It was an easy sort of feeling he could get used to._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!!! minecraft makes its reappearance!! Gordons gettin his prosthetic soon so he'll finally be able to play it properly and i can get into the actual funnie bits o this fic i wanted to write from tha beginning!!  
> Also I'm gonna try to write some softer chapters from here on out, which is Not my strong suit, so apologies in advance but!!! Im rlly tryin guys, jus gotta figure out how to put those feelings into words so the right meanings conveyed.


	13. arm time!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me doing another benrey pov chapter so I don't have to describe all the actual details about gordons prosthetic and to shove in as much extra benrey lore as I can.

Benrey's eyes flicked off the road to look at Gordon, growing an extra few just below the rim of his beanie to keep an eye on the road as he watched his friend. Tracking Gordons uncomfortable movements as he cupped the stump of his arm in his hand. 

He'd be getting the prosthetic thingie today after the short wait from his appointment a week ago. When they'd gone into get his arm checked out, it'd mostly just been a team of three people measuring his arms and asking some questions that he hadn't paid attention to. But today he was actually going to get the hand, gaining use of his right arm for the first time in nearly a month now. 

A familiar pang of guilt flashed through him as he tore his arms away from Gordon's scarred arm, focusing back on the road and letting the extra few eyes sink back into his skin, "Cringeman nervous?" 

Glancing over to him, Gordon let out a sharp sigh, his shoulders drooping slightly as he shifted more to face him, "About having left Joshua with Bubby and Coomer definitely, but... Yeah, a little bit." 

Mumbling something intelligible even to himself in response, Benrey cautiously snuck another glance over to him, noticing his hand resting on the little divider thing between the both of them. _Nice_ , good, have to keep him going though. 

__"Least theres no..." Smacking his lips loudly Benrey winced at his internal discomfort, "Surgery or anything. S' nothin' to be really worried over."_ _

__"I know... I just don't think I'm a big fan of sterile places anymore, you know?"_ _

__And boy, he definitely did. He could vividly conjure the smell of bleach and iron from memory. The freezing chill of metal beneath him and wrapped around his wrists and ankles. The first incision from his collarbone to-_ _

__He blinked. Oh shit, he was still driving. Gently guiding the vehicle back to the center of the lane he waited for Gordon to comment, but when the question never came he let out an internal sigh of relief. He _had_ asked, more than once how he'd learned to drive though. And Benrey wasn't about to tell him it was from his failed escape attempt from Black Mesa, so he stuck with his Mario Kart story. It was partially right anyway, the game having been the thing to spark the idea of escaping in a car. Not they he'd gotten far the time he'd tried. Having crashed straight into a wall. But as long as he went pulled over and asked for a license here, he was good. He was on his best driving behavior. Not crashing allowed; no matter how fun it'd been looking back on it. __

____

____

___It didn't take too long to get to their destination though; hopping out of the car, Benrey waited by the glass door, watching Gordon stalling and checking his phone._ _ _

___"Yo, come on. Robot arm is a priority man. You're minutes from becoming part mecha again, get a move on."_ _ _

"It's not _fusing_ into me," Gordon corrected, pushing past him and walking inside, "It's just attaching. Like... The Wii-mote nunchuck." 

___"So theres gonna' be nunchuck attachments on the arm too? Nice."_ _ _

___Shaking his head, Gordon stepped ahead to talk to the receptionist leaving Benrey to do whatever. Turning around, he meandered over to the table back near the entrance of the building. On top was a broken looking coffee machine, but it wasn't what'd drawn him over, instead it was the shitty looking flower print bowl of suckers. Plunging his clawed hand inside, he fished out a fistful and grinned, shoving them down into his pocket. Gordon hadn't seemed to notice his wandering off so he padded back over, waiting close behind him, but positioned just at the edge of the other mans vision. Gordon flicked him a questioning glance before looking back to the receptionist, typing away at her keyboard. His hand reached for his other arm again._ _ _

___"Hey," Gordon jolted slightly as his clawed hand fell onto his shoulder._ _ _

___"What?" He asked with a forced gruffness to cover how high his voice had immediately started to pitch higher._ _ _

___"You uh... Wanna smooch? Little kissy from your best bro? Calm you down?"_ _ _

Grimacing at him Gordon quickly looked away, " _Dude_ I- no. Not here." 

___Before he could realize what he'd said Benrey interjected with a growing grin, "So if I went outside? Get a little smooch then?"_ _ _

Gordon shrugged him off with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, " _No_. Just- I'm not- no. I'm not going to just kiss you Benrey." 

___Tapping his fingers against the front of his legs he stepped closer to Gordons side, "Then could I uh, hold your hand?"_ _ _

___"Will you drop the kiss thing while we're here?"_ _ _

___"So not in other places-"_ _ _

" _Benrey_." 

"Okay, fine, _jeez_. But uh... Hand? Hand please?" 

___Not looking directly at him, Gordon offered up his hand which he took in earnest, interlocking their fingers with a hum. Reveling slightly at how much larger his own hand was._ _ _

___Finishing up with the receptionist, Gordon tugged him to the other side of the room sitting down in one of the uncomfortable looking chairs, pulling on his hand slightly when he didn't immediately follow in suit._ _ _

___Shifting in place Benrey tried to keep his gaze on other things like Gordon was doing, but his eyes kept flicking back to their intertwined hands. It wasn't the first time he'd held hands with anybody; he'd held hands with Tommy before, usually swinging their arms between them both, but this was different in some way. He was just trying to keep Gordon from freaking out by holding hands, it was just a thing bro's did. Casual. But he was focusing on the sensation on how Gordon's hand felt in his own. Focusing on how much warmer he was and how he could distantly feel his pulse with the way his wrist was pressed up against his own._ _ _

___"Bro your hands sweaty."_ _ _

___As Gordon instinctively moved to pull away, Benrey clutched tighter, he stare flickering to the floor as Gordon affixed him with a strange look._ _ _

___"It doesn't uh..." he tapped the claws on his free hand against his thigh, "Bother me or anything. Jus'... Noticing. Makin' an observation."_ _ _

___Squeezing his hand softly, Gordon sighed, leaning his head back so it knocked against the wall, "I... Keep thinking about how I lost my arm in the first place. Re-living it sort of."_ _ _

___Benrey stilled at that, his grip immediately going slack over Gordons hand as the sharp scent of blood bathed his tongue. Just as he was about to take his hand away with a mumbled 'sorry', he felt Gordon's hand tighten around his own, blunt fingernails putting small crescent moons in to the pack of his hand, not that it hurt, it was just strange to see the intensity._ _ _

___"Didn't wanna' bring it up because I knew it'd just make you feel bad again. But I'm not mad at you. Don't know how many times I'm going to have to say that, but I'm not. I'm just real nervous," Gordon's grip relaxed finally as he returned his intense stare, "You've been helping man."_ _ _

___He couldn't quite bring himself to believe that just yet, but if Gordon thought so he wasn't just going to up and quit. Had a job to do and such. He resumed his natural grip around the other man's hand, his gaze darting away once more._ _ _

___A few minutes later a doctor or whatever you called them, emerged from the hallway on the other side of the room. Glancing down at his clipboard once before calling out for a " _Mr. Freeman_ ". Gingerly slipping his hand from his grip, Gordon rose, walking across the lobby to leave Benrey trotting after him. The doctor offered him a strange glance before turning and proceeding back down the hall he'd come from, explaining stuff he didn't really care to listen to. Instead, Benrey focused on the bland paintings lining the beige walls and how Gordon visibly relaxed as they entered a small room, his metal arm lying on the counter. ___

___There was a bit more explaining before the doctor showed Gordon how to fit the arm on, but he could practically feel the excited energy radiating off the other man. As the arm finally slipped into place, Gordon's new fingers twitched experimentally. Finally, moving back in forth in a slow wave that entranced them both. The doctor walked Gordon through a few simple movements that he quickly got the hang of before leaving the room to get more paperwork._ _ _

___Gordon turned to him, a genuinely gleeful smile wrapping over his features as he lurched forward, taking Benrey's hands in his own. The newer limbs grip was still unpracticed, shaking slightly as he tried to squeeze tighter, but he knew Gordon would figure it out soon enough._ _ _

"Yo thats sweet," Benrey couldn't help but return his enthusiasm as Gordon enveloped him in his arms once more. This time, both hands wrapping around his torso, squeezing him close. Pulling back after a moment, Gordon palmed at his eyes, chuckling lightly as he half-turned away, "Sorry, m' just getting a little emotional. Theres just so many things I can actually _do_ again." 

___"Like... Make sandwiches."_ _ _

___"I can pick Joshua up."_ _ _

___"Do laundry without spilling the white grainy stuff."_ _ _

___"Oxy-clean."_ _ _

___"Yeah, that."_ _ _

___"I can read books again."_ _ _

___"Play Animal Crossing."_ _ _

" _Brush my hair_." 

___"I uh..." his eyes locked onto the other mans fluffy hair he'd put into a ponytail earlier this morning, "Could still do that. Help you multitask or whatever."_ _ _

Gordon stiffened slightly as he'd managed to say the wrong thing _again_. 

___"Or not. It's chill. Gotta let a dude do his thing," he quickly said, verbally backpedaling as hard as he could. He was practically a pro at it by now._ _ _

___"No, you could still... Do that. It's fine. Was... Kind of nice."_ _ _

___Benrey risked a cautious glare to Gordons face, making sure he wasn't fucking with him, "You for real? No... Jokes or anything? Not that you'd be uh, any good at em'. But I could uh. Do your hair?"_ _ _

Gordon nodded, his face flushing a darker color as he looked away, jolting slightly as the doctor walked back into the room. While the two talked about money and insurance bullshit or whatever, Benrey imagined running his hands though Gordons hair. He'd done it plenty of times before while brushing it out, but explicit permission was different. Like with the hand holding thing. It was as if he was getting let in on something secret. Like he was bearing witness to something only _he_ was allowed to see. The thought sent a sudden burst of warmth through his chest. Sweet voice swirled though the nice sensation, begging to slip out his mouth, but he knew Gordon hadn't exactly been pleased with him when he'd done it in the hospital before, and with the doctor being _right there_ it would probably only worry him more. The guy would probably only take it as a sweet vape trick, but he heeded Gordon's earlier warning. 

___He tugged his sleeve lightly as they padded back out into the lobby, but Gordon seemed to take it as wanting to hold hands again. And he wasn't about to drop that opportunity so he fitted his hand in Gordons again, but it only made the burning of sweet voice in his throat grow stronger, bordering on unbearable. He was barely listening to Gordons conversation with the receptionist, but as he felt a sharp cough building he half dragged the other man back to the car, earning a yelp of surprise from Gordon._ _ _

___Lurching inside as soon as he got the car door unlocked, he hacked out a high pitched song of pink to blue intermixed with a sappy looking yellow. Almost immediately he was glad Gordon wasn't able to read the sweet voice, but he found himself feeling embarrassed for the colors there anyway._ _ _

___"-even got you feeling so much back in there?"_ _ _

___Oh, Gordon was talking. Shuffling back out of the car he straightened up to face him, "Uhh, nothing," he said all to quickly, "Just... Thinking' bout how you're uh, gonna' loose at Mario Kart. Not even gonna win one race bro. Im'a pro gamer. Can't be beat."_ _ _

___Gordon grinned, "We'll see about that, I haven't seen you touch the snowy courses once and those are my favorite so we're definitely doing them. Are you perhaps... Bad at those ones?" He asked with all too much fake innocence._ _ _

___"Course not. Snow jus... Sucks. Thats all."_ _ _

___"You'll have to prove that statement bro. Words are empty. You really think you got the snow courses?"_ _ _

Flashing Gordon a sharper toothed smile than usual, he fixed him with a competitive glare, "You're on Looserman." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay fr this chapters p rough cuz im tryna learn how to write softer stuff And school jus started fo me so its been a lil stressful. I'll prolly update w a new chapter every three or four days depending on how this goes so? Idk we'll see.  
> Also! Benrey... discovering more of his feelings??!!


	14. The big letter L

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the delay on this chapter! School is sucks as always and I've been workin on an essay my english teacher already assigned to us. Lil tangent but it's a descriptive essay and she said we could do it on whatever we wanted so >:) i have finally reached peak insanity and im writing a Benrey backstory essay for school. Let's GOOOOOOO! ! !
> 
> Also im p sure this chapter is kinda short compared to the others, but it was originally Really long, so I jus, chopped it in half.

Luckily the damage to Gordons apartment was minimal compared to what he was expecting from Bubby and Dr. Coomer. It was just some singe-marks on the ceiling in his kitchen from 'trying to make macaroni'. Key word being trying; by the smell in the room it macaroni was probably charcoal in his fridge. But the black fire-marks could be easily covered with a layer of white paint so he wasn't too worried about it. 

As Gordon pulled his wallet from his pocket to pay the two for watching Joshua, Bubby batted his hand away saying, "You've already got enough on your plate," before stalking out of his apartment. Coomer was quick to follow, but paused to examine Gordon's new arm. Closing the door upon Dr. Coomer's exit, Gordon turned back to see Joshua peering up at him from over the back of the couch. 

"You got the new arm!" 

Grinning, he tromped over enthusiastically, lifting Joshua up into his arms with ease, "I sure do!" 

Placing his kid over his shoulders, Joshua patted the top of Gordons head thoughtfully, "So, you can read me the horse book again?" 

"Of course! Unless you're tired of it and we can go pick out a new one." 

"Can we?" Joshua asked, drumming his hands on his head again as Gordon made his way into the kitchen in search of Benrey. 

"We'll have to see," he said, tugging the other man's attention away from the dark singe-marks. 

"Wuh?" 

"We're thinking about maybe going to the bookstore sometime later this week. Let Joshie' pick out a new story." 

Benrey scoffed, "You got those cringe books for reasies? Not just something in Skyrim? Aren't... Lulled to sleep by the uh, Wii music?" 

Gordons brows knitted together as he took a moment to process what Benrey was even saying, "Have you... Not ever read a book?" 

Benrey immediately faced away from him, a dull hum coming from his mouth, along with a few bubbles of a brilliant red. Joshua stilled atop Gordon's shoulders, his small fists balling atop his head. 

"Benrey's embarrassed Daddy," he said softly, "Don't think he's read a book before." 

For a moment, Gordon was astounded that Joshua even knew what the sweet voice meant because _he_ sure has hell didn't, but upon remembering the conversation at hand, it was suddenly the last thing on his mind. His first instinct was to poke fun at Benrey for it, already opening his mouth to do so before quickly reconsidering. He hadn't exactly seemed like the type to sit down and read in the first place, but coupled with the fact that he'd probably spent all his life in Black Mesa, it shouldn't have been surprising. It was a wonder then he even knew about video games, but that was something to press him about later. He knew that Benrey knew how to read at the very least, he couldn't have played Animal Crossing without knowing how after all. 

__Shifting Joshua on his shoulders, he padded closer to Benrey who was currently glaring in apparent fixation at the tiles on the floor._ _

__"Hey, dude, it's all good. We could... Pick out a book for you too. If you want."_ _

__Benrey's mouth twitched as he glanced back up, idly tugging the beanie lower on his head, "Don't know nothin' about books."_ _

__"It's fine, I'm sure I can help you find one you'd like."_ _

__"One with cowboys!" Joshua supplied helpfully, waving one hand through the leftover sweet voice in the air._ _

__"Yeah, okay. Long as it's not super sucks. But we uh... Still doin' Mario Kart?"_ _

__"Totally! Unless you're having second thoughts about being beat?"_ _

__A familiar glint returned to Benrey's eye as he grinned, "Funny Freeman, thinkin' you can beat the master gamer."_ _

__"We'll just have to see how much of a 'master gamer' you are now wont we."_ _

__The third race in, Gordon was definitely loosing, but he was still doing a lot better than he expected. He wasn't in last! It'd still been a long while since Gordon had actually played Mario Kart so he was obviously struggling in that department, mostly though, it was hard to get used to his new arm. He could move his fingers together pretty easily, but trying to control them individually was a whole nother' challenge. As the game progressed it became less of him actively thinking about trying to press a button with his index finger, and more second nature, but it was still tough to get used to. His struggles didn't stop Benrey any though, and he was still using every opportunity presented to him to mock Gordon for ever thinking he could beat him in the first place, not that he minded too much. With Benrey's gleeful cackle as Gordon slipped on yet _another _banana peel Benrey had strategically dropped, it was hard not to smile too. His laughter was infectious it seemed.___ _

___As Benrey crossed the finish line, still in first, he tossed a triumphant look back at Gordon, his fangs glinting in the light from the T.V. where his Peach was still cheering, "How about that Feetman? Dumb snow courses can't stop me. Got anything else up your sleeve? A prize for the winner perhaps? Prize for your best bud?"_ _ _

___Gordon laughed, relaxing his grip on the controller in his hands, "I don't just have a prize box on hand Benrey. I don't know what I could even give you."_ _ _

___Benrey contemplated that for a second, before his grin turned devious, his eyebrows drawing together as he flopped into Gordons lap, "A kissy for the winner? Winners always get a lil smooch from the uh... Pretty guy. So, kiss please? For me?"_ _ _

Gordon stilled slightly, it wasn't like he _hadn't_ envisioned the scenario before, withers often as Benrey asked him for a kiss it was hard not to. But with his newly realized feelings of fondness, coupled with the already nice atmosphere he actually _considered_ it. His eyes traced over Benrey's pursed lips, roving to his pronounced cheekbones, distantly wondering if he'd find rough stubble there if he held his face in his hands. Fuck, he was in _love_. 

Wait. Oh wait, oh _shi_. He couldn't _really_ be in love with him... Right? He couldn't be in love with the guy who got his arm chopped off. Before he was able to endure the fallout of his newest realization, he caught sight of Joshua wobbling precariously on the kitchen table. 

Parental instincts overriding an oncoming emotional disaster, Gordon shoved Benrey off his lap, lurching forward just as the table started to fall. He manage to grab Joshua before he hit the ground, but the table was not so lucky, falling to the ground with a definite crack that made him wince. _Cheap piece of shit_. 

Scooting out of the kitchen, he carefully set Joshua down on the carpet, "What were you even _doing_ on the table." 

Joshua pointedly looked away, pulling at the hem of his shirt as he bit his lip, "Was just playing... I'm sorry. Didn't _mean_ to break the table." 

___"You know you're not supposed to climb on the furniture like that," Gordon grumbled, letting his disappointed Dad tone slip into his voice._ _ _

___Tears welled in Joshuas eyes as he nodded, "I know. I was just-" he hiccuped, a sob overtaking whatever he'd been going to say, breaking Gordons heart a little._ _ _

___Crouching down, he beckoned Joshua forward, "It's okay, you want a hug?"_ _ _

___Practically throwing himself into his fathers arms, Joshua's small hands took a tight hold on the side of Gordon's shirt as he cried. Rubbing rhythmic circles over Joshuas back, Gordon closed his eyes, trying his best to comfort his kid._ _ _

___The table was shit anyway and it wasn't like money was an issue anymore, he could just buy another one. His main concern was how much of a mess he was going to have to clean up. He hoped the table hadn't fallen hard enough to throw wood chips across the floor. Otherwise he'd have to spend an hour after throwing all of it away just picking splinters from his knees._ _ _

___Joshua pulled away after a long minute, still sniffling but a little better than before, "Am I not gonna' get a new book now?" He asked in a small, warbling voice._ _ _

"You'll need to be on your best behavior, then _maybe_ we will. But for now can you stay out here? I've gotta clean up this mess." 

___Nodding sullenly, Joshua plodded back to Benrey who was watching them both with a strange expression. Not having moved from the spot on the floor where Gordon had pushed him off to. Deciding to ignore the warm flips his heart did staring at the other man, he turned back to the kitchen._ _ _

___And again, in another stroke of luck, the break wasn't actually too bad, but it definitely wasn't usable anymore. There was a large clark running up the side now and the main leg was broken off, showing frayed, unpainted wood. And there weren't even any visible splinters for him to step on._ _ _

Carefully lifting the table, Gordon carried it out of his apartment and down the stairs, earning a strange look from a woman exiting her car as he pushed through the front doors. Trotting to the dumpster behind his apartment complex, he heaved the broken table inside. Wiping his hands off on the front of his shirt, Gordon padded back inside, pulling his phone out as he rode the elevator back up to his floor, ordering a new, _durable_ table for the kitchen. 

Making his way back to his apartment, Gordon ground to a stop just outside his door. He couldn't _really_ be in love with Benrey. The guy constantly fucked with him; the kiss shit was probably just some joke to irritate him, only it was earning different sorts of feelings from him now. Because, fuck, maybe he _did_ want to kiss him. But Benrey being obnoxious hadn't stopped Gordon from crushing on him before. Because a crush was fine; it was something that'd probably go away with time. But _love_... Was something entirely different. It was a sort of commitment. A commitment that would probably leave him with hurt feelings. 

So he'd keep this to himself and try to carry on like normal. They were actually _friends_ now, and he wasn't about to let his stupid feelings ruin all the progress they'd made. Even if it killed him a little to do so. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the endgame now guys! I'm expecting maybe five or six more chapters after this and then the epilogue! Ty fo all the kudos and comments i've been getting along the way too! I really appreciate them all and I love reading what u guys think abt tha fic!!!


	15. Nightmares of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: has a semblance of a posting schedule.  
> also me: *gets a bunch of nice comments and is then inspired to push the next chapter out early* YAHOOOO >:)
> 
> also. yet another chapter w out minecraft. The game that the fic is Actually named after. 
> 
> !! Also, also. TW for a nightmare w description of death near the beginning of this chapter !!

And so, Gordon did his best in the following days; trying, and succeeding, for the most part, to squash down his feelings. But there were still instances where Benrey would look at him in a certain way, and it'd make his heart do little flips in his chest. It was especially hard while sitting next to him on the couch, pressed together in a tight huddle as they read the book they'd picked up together earlier in the week. Really, it was just Gordon reading aloud while Benrey squinted down at the page, occasionally interrupting to pepper him with questions, but it was nice. Even if his voice was always a little sore afterwards. 

But shit just _had_ to come crashing down on him eventually. 

Gordon was back in Black Mesa, running through the halls, his breath coming in sharp pants as he darted through another freezer. From across the room a bull-squid growled, alerting him to it's presence just in time so he could fire at it. The creature skidded across the slick floor and knocked into the wall, its legs twitching slightly as Gordon sidestepped its body to leave the room. But as he rounded another sharp corner, he was confronted by and unfamiliar plush, velvet room. The numerous animal heads mounted on the wall turned to watch him as he took a hesitant step forward. Each of the animals lips peeled back, revealing rows of jagged, snarling teeth. 

Clipping up from the floor, Benrey was back in his usual security guard outfit, his helmet casting a darker shadow over his face as he tilted his head forward slightly. His mouth curled into a sneer as he took a step forwards, acidic blue to green sweet voice trailing out the corners of his mouth. As he drew closer the animals on the walls began thrashing furiously, teeth clacking together in a grating cacophony. 

Lifting his gun, he fired a round of warning shots into Benrey's chest. 

Except, instead of regenerating as he always did, his lidded eyes blew wide in a mixture of pain and confusion. Stumbling back as steady blooms of crimson pooled out from his chest. The numerous bullet wounds actually seeming to have done some damage this time. 

He let out a wet sounding gurgle before he sunk to his knees. Before he was able to hit the ground, Gordon was already lurching forward to catch him, his compassion overriding his earlier fear. 

The animals grows grew to a crescendo as Benrey's wide yellow eyes locked on his own. Desperately, he pawed at the front of Gordon's HEV suit as he clung to life. His breath coming in shallow, gurgling gasps as the scenery around them slowly transformed to something more familiar. He cradled the larger man in his arms, vaguely aware that he was holding him on the floor of his bedroom. And finally, Benrey stilled, his arm flopping lifelessly over his bullet ridden chest. His glossy yellow eyes matching the rest of the animals in the room. 

Gordon awoke with a start, his stiff body still frozen in fear, heartbeat thundering in his ears like drums. He waited for his limbs to unlock before slowly sitting upright, numbly reaching for his phone on the nightstand. It took his a painfully long moment to read the numbers on the screen over the shaking in his hands. 

__Two sixteen in the morning. Shakily setting his phone back down, Gordon lifted the sheets from his too warm body. Shifting to the other side of the bed, he lifted himself to his feet, wobbling once, but managing to catch himself on the wall._ _

__Cracking his door open, Gordon stared wide eyed down the pitch black hallway of his apartment. Upon hearing no shifting of creatures, he silently made his way to the couch, letting out a breathy sigh of relief as his hand brushed against the back of it._ _

__Feeling his way around, he hesitantly waved his hand in the space where he assumed Benrey would be, managing to smack the other man in the shoulder.__

____

____

Benrey grumbled in irritation before cracking his eyes open, their light illuminating most of his face. The sight of him so _alive_ almost made him cry in relief. 

“What the fuck man." 

___Gordon didn't trust himself to speak just yet, so he just pushed against Benrey's shoulder once more, this time with a little less force._ _ _

___"Jeez' Feetman, being so rude to me. Just a second."_ _ _

___Benrey huffed as he sat up, squinting slightly as Gordon uncertainly sat down next to him, his hand still trembling slightly._ _ _

___After a prolonged moment of silence, Benrey shifted so he was sitting with his legs folded beneath him as he faced Gordon, "You doing alright friend? Not... You're doing a little shake there. Got all those uh, un-good vibes about you."_ _ _

Raking in a shaky breath, Gordon curled his fingers into his pajama pants, "Had a shit dream. Don't- I'm not doing alright." 

“Wanna'... Talk about it or something?" He asked, scooting closer. 

Gordon shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as a tremor wracked his body, " _Can't_. Fucking- sorry for waking you up for this bullshit I've just-" 

Benrey's clawed hand wrapped around his wrist, his grip almost tender, "Hey. I'ma use the voice on you. That okay?" 

___Nodding hastily, Gordon stiffened as Benrey's other hand gently pulled his face in his direction, his thumb brushing over his cheek as he began to sing._ _ _

___Parting his lips slightly, he cracked his eyes open as Benrey leaned closer, humming that familiar shade of dark blue into his mouth. The blue raspberry flavor exploded on his tongue as the bubbles popped. Slowly, he felt his grip on his pants easing as the sweet voice worked though his system._ _ _

___Finally pulling away, Benrey eased back, "You... Better?"_ _ _

___Gordon nodded slowly. There was still that residual bit of anxiety, but most of his fear about the whole situation had evaporated._ _ _

___"Yeah, I'm good."_ _ _

___"Sweet. You uh, what was the dream about? Don't actually gotta tell me or nothin', but. Obviously wasn't good."_ _ _

Gordon shrugged uncomfortably as he turned to face Benrey like he was at him, "I was ah... Back in Black Mesa. Fighting aliens and whatever. Appeared in this word room with animal heads on the wall. You popped out of the floor and I- I killed you again. Watched... As you died. I just- I woke up and I had to make sure I hadn't actually. Like, I _knew_ you weren't going to be dead, but. I was still kind of worried." 

___"Worried about me? Kinda gay of you bro," Benrey said flatly, a hint of a smile in his voice._ _ _

___Still, it sent an almost painful rush of butterflies to Gordons stomach, "I hate you," he groaned with no real malice, leaning back against the couch with a smile._ _ _

___"Rude. You don't."_ _ _

___"No, I don't."_ _ _

___Benrey hummed at that, inching closer so their shoulders were touching._ _ _

___"I'm never going to hurt you either."_ _ _

___"Huh?"_ _ _

___Gordon picked his head back up, "You were all... Apologizing and stuff a while back. Said you were never gonna' hurt me. Just want you to know I'd never hurt you either."_ _ _

___A surprised burst of teal escaped Benrey's mouth, "Don't gotta... Say all that. Didn't think you were gonna' anyway. You secretly plotting over there Gordon?"_ _ _

_He used his name_. 

"I just _said_ -" Gordon leaned further into Benrey with a sigh, not having the energy to pursue the pointless conversation, "I'm just feeling bad for all the Black Mesa stuff." 

___"S' alright dude. We over it. Minecraft heals all wounds.'_ _ _

___Snorting in amusement, Gordon craned his neck back, watching Benrey for a beat, "Thanks for... Helping with that garbage though."_ _ _

___"No problem. Just a dude helping a dude out," it almost sounded as if he was going to say something more, but as his gaze flicked away, it was clear he'd decided against whatever it was._ _ _

___"Would it be alright if I stayed out here? Like, all this talking has helped and everything but... I don't think I'll be able to fall back asleep in there."_ _ _

___Benrey swallowed, keeping his head turned in the other direction as he stiffly nodded, "Totally bro. It's... Your couch or whatever."_ _ _

___"Still don't wanna' intrude or anything."_ _ _

___"Nah, you're cool. Epic moment. Super sweet. Very pog."_ _ _

Gordon groaned, squeezing his eyes closed again, “ _Please_ , don't say that after we just had like, a touching moment." 

___"Freeman can't handle a little poggers moment?"_ _ _

___"Shut the hell up. I'm going to sleep."_ _ _

___Benrey didn't repeat himself, but Gordon could practically hear the guy thinking it as hard as he could in Gordons direction. But eventually, his exhaustion caught back up with him. As his eyelids drooped, he unconsciously leaned heavier into Benrey, a warm blanket of comfort settling over him. Finally, just on the cusp of drifting back to sleep, the last thing Gordon was aware of before passing out again, was a gentile song coming from Benrey, pink and blue floating into the air._ _ _

___When Gordon woke again, early morning light was already streaming into the living-room, illuminating the dust-motes drifting lazily though the air. As he shifted to stretch, he was abruptly aware of the arms wound around his back. And secondly, that he was practically lying lengthwise across Benrey's chest, his head fitted just beneath the other mans's shoulder. Immediately, his mind began racing, his face steadily heating as he tried to think of ways to get up without waking him._ _ _

___Wriggling his arms from beneath Benrey's neck, he tried to slide out of his grip, only to to be pressed back down as the other mans arms tightened around him._ _ _

___"Dude, you've... I've gotta get up. It's already morning."_ _ _

___"Waking me up again... So mean. Can't believe you," Benrey grumbled over a yawn, unwinding his arms from around Gordon, "Gonna' have to report you to the uh... Sleep... Force."_ _ _

___Carefully picking his way off the couch, Gordon arched an eyebrow, "Sleep force?"_ _ _

___"Come on man, jus' woke up. Gimme' a break... Sleep Paw Patrol."_ _ _

___Gordon shook his head, putting his hands on his hips as he arched back, earning a few satisfying pops in response, "While you figure out who to report me to, I'm going to go shower."_ _ _

___Mumbling something he couldn't quite make out in response, Gordon padded back to his bedroom, grabbing an outfit then stepping into the bathroom to get ready for the day._ _ _

He really tried his best not to think about how he'd woken up sprawled over his roommate, but it was hard not to, when he could barely go two feet without seeing the guy. Even harder when he draped his chin over Gordon's shoulder while he was trying to make eggs. Cursing, Gordon fumbled with the spatula, making a quick recovery with his prosthetic before it hit the ground. _Nice_ , score one for reaction time _and_ new hand points. 

___"Clumsy boy aren't'chya. Tryna' ruin the eggs?"_ _ _

" _No_ ," Gordon huffed, "You just caught me off guard." 

___Benrey was content to watch him stir the still liquid-ey eggs around the pan, his chin still hanging heavy on his shoulder._ _ _

___"Will you uh... Let me do your hair again? Pretty please? It'd be uh, pretty gamerly of you."_ _ _

___"After breakfast. Don't want hair in the eggs or anything."_ _ _

___"Oh, ew. Gross," Benrey pulled back, "Yeah uh, that's actually. Real gross bro. Why'd you say that. Gonna' fine you for real for saying that one."_ _ _

___Gordon grinned, glancing over to Benrey as he stared back with narrowed eyes, "Oh really? What if I...?" Gordon leaned over the counter slightly so his head was above the pan._ _ _

"Bro, for realsies right now. I _will_ puke if you get your hair in that. Not even joking. That- it's a no." 

___"Dude, chill, I'm not actually gonna' put hair in the eggs."_ _ _

___Benrey relaxed slightly, but still glared in suspicion, "M' not lying. Will throw up. And I'll make sure it's on your bed. Like I'm some shitty cat or something."_ _ _

___"If you're actually worried about the eggs, do you wanna' come over here and do them? I've still gotta set some towels out or something since the table's gone."_ _ _

___"Yes please and thank you."_ _ _

___"Great," handing the spatula off, Gordon walked out into the living room where Joshua was watching a cartoon on the T.V._ _ _

___"Breakfast's gonna be ready in a bit bud. Want to help me put some towels out?"_ _ _

___Joshua blinked over to him, "Can I eat out here?"_ _ _

___"Not on the couch, but if you wanna' put your towel on the floor out there you can."_ _ _

___Jumping up, Joshua helped Gordon put the three towels out, insisting they all used one of his various animal print ones._ _ _

___It was almost comical to watch Benrey try and fit his whole body on the towel as he attempted to lay down on it._ _ _

___Gordon chuckled as Benrey narrowly avoided flipping his plate over, earning a bland glare in response, "Gotta lend me the end of your towel bro. You cant just leave my legs hanging off like this."_ _ _

___"You could just sit up straight."_ _ _

___"Come on man, lying on your belly's the obvious way to go. So, towel please."_ _ _

___"You've got your own. Figure it out."_ _ _

___Clicking his tongue, Benrey rolled over onto his back, moving his plate onto his chest, a surefire way to spill all over himself, "Really can't believe you'd leave your homie hanging like this. You uh... Home of phobic? Scared to share a towel?"_ _ _

___"I'm not _scared_ -" ___

___"Yeah, uh, sounds pretty sus to me. Homophobe. So rude."_ _ _

___"Dude. I'm not giving you my towel."_ _ _

___Benrey scowled, letting his head thump back against the floor, "It's okay. I know you're just afraid of falling in love with me."_ _ _

___"Yeah, so?"_ _ _

Immediately Gordon blanched, his fork falling from his grip as he suddenly realized what words had just come from his mouth. Fuck. Benrey didn't _know_ , did he? He didn't think he'd done anything specific for Benrey to have noticed, but he'd also slept in the guys arms. Gordon never wanted the ground to swallow him whole more than he did now. 

___"Huh?"_ _ _

___Gordon got to his feet, meal abandoned as he speed-walked to his bedroom. He could practically feel Benrey's eyes burning holes in him his whole retreat. Clicking his door shut behind him, Gordon numbly sat down on his bed._ _ _

___God he couldn't have- he'd just-_ _ _

___Taking in a shuddery breath, Gordon held the air in his lungs for as long as he could before finally exhaling. Tears building in his eyes as he folded in on himself. Gordon raked his fingers through his hair, not caring as he tore some strands out with his too-tense grip._ _ _

Gordon just wished he could vanish on the spot. Re-wind time to retract his words. _Anything_ to keep what he'd just said from leaving his mouth. Just leave it to him to go and fuck everything up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MONSTER CHAPTER ALERT >:)
> 
> also, evil and fucked up momence for me! ! ! giving y'all a sprinkle of a confession chapter but not allowin ya guys to see the end of it till I update later. Idk when it will be because I haven't really planned out the next scene much but!! :)


	16. pink to blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay on this chapter ! was gonna update yesterday but got caught up in some stupid family stuff so it had me all held up. But! here it is :) (also. Gosh. gosh. not a fan of this chapter but. prolly jus because brain be suck rn. idk. we’ll see lol)

Gordon'd never be able to look him in the eye again. Not without apologizing at least. Even then when he did reign himself in enough to do that Benrey would probably still curl his lip at him. Or worse, he wouldn't be there at all. Gordon wouldn't really blame him if he did leave. How could he stand being in the same house after he pulled that shit. 

Because how fucked was it; the guy who'd killed him saying he'd fallen in love with him. He didn't even start with saying he had a crush. No, he jumped right to _love_. Something he didn't even know if he was capable anymore. Especially for Benrey. For someone he'd hurt so much. 

A dry sob heaved its way out of Gordon's chest making him clap a hand over his mouth. With shaking shoulders he leaned over, clenching his hands into fists over his knees. God he was so fucking _stupid_ \- 

"Hey." 

Gordon felt his blood freeze in his veins at the sound of Benrey's voice. He hadn't heard the door open, but it wasn't like that posed a threat to the other man anyway. He could already envision Benrey's face twisted into an uncomfortable sort of pity, his mouth curling downwards as he prepared to tell Gordon he was leaving. 

Lifting his head, he was confronted by his empty room. 

He looked back to his computer. 

And of course, there was Minecraft, all booted up and ready to select a world. He couldn't do this. 

Stiffly walking over, Gordon seated himself in the chair, his bleary eyes scanning over the list of worlds. And continuing the trend, a third had been added. Titled 'gotta talk'. He couldn't do this. 

Clicking on the world, he went through the loading screen and spawned on the top of a large dark-wood tree. Benrey was sitting a few trees away, faced in the opposite direction shifting uncomfortably, his legs dangling off the side of the leaves. He really couldn’t do this. 

Steeling himself for the inevitable, Gordon hopped his character over to Benrey, pausing a few spaces behind him. 

"Hey," Gordon croaked back. 

Getting to his feet, arcing in a small circle to face Gordon's character, "We're... So, you uh-" 

"Please don't," Gordon said, removing his trembling hands from the keyboard, "I'm- I'm _so_ sorry. I just- I didn't think- I didn't want to bring it up. Because, you're like, living in my house at this point. And I _knew_ if i said anything you'd leave. I just. I've really come to depend on you, like a lot. So I didn't want you to go, but I'm a fucking _idiot_ -" 

"M' not gonna go away bro." 

Gordon paused, "What?" 

"Told ya'. I'm not gonna go." 

"I just- I'm fucking everything up. We were doing so good. We're actually _friends_ now and I just- I nuked it." 

"You... Didn't though. Couldn't just leave you here either. You know how sucks that would be of me?" 

Gordon let out a shaky laugh, "I... You aren't going to leave?" 

Benrey idly tugged at the back of his beanie, "Nah. Wouldn't do that to you. Because I uh... Fucking- okay. I ask to kiss you. Like, all the time." 

Clamming back up, Gordon nodded, a new wave of anxiety overtaking him. 

"N' I ask to hold you hand. Gay shit. Did- You really think thas' jus'... Somethin' like. Me being me or whatever?" 

"I mean, yeah I guess. But you did that even in Black Mesa. Is... It not?" 

"Bro you- Okay, fuck this. Dude, I had the most massive un-gamerly crush on you it wasn't even funny. Def' in my cringe comp. And I'm- I'm still not human, so all this fuckin'- emotion bullshit is still weird. Like. I'm tellin' you all these things and you don't get what I'm sayin' to you. I mean- hold on. I'm gonna-" 

As the game closed without his prompting, Gordon turned to see Benrey sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at him far too seriously. 

And then he was singing. It was a high, drawn out melodious tune that felt familiar, but he only recognized parts of it. Pink to blue spilled from Benrey's mouth as he continued his song, and yeah, that was a color he recognized, but he still didn't fully know what it meant. He wasn't great at rhyming, but he was slowly connecting the dots. Finishing his song with a resonating purr, Benrey shifted forward slightly, licking his lips in some nervous emotion. 

"What... What's pink to blue?" He asked in a hushed whisper, the already building the answer in his head before Benrey even responded. 

"Pink to blue... Means I uh. I love you." 

"Oh." 

So in the car; and last night; and however many other instances where he hadn't been paying close attention to what colors Benrey'd been singing. Oh was right. They were still stepping over all the pretenses here and it just felt so _wrong_. But as Benrey's glowing eyes searched his own, he felt the painful tugging in his chest that'd become all too familiar in the past few days lessen slightly. Because, oh fuck. Benrey _liked_ him. And he liked him back. So he didn't have to look away in fear of having been staring for too long. He didn't have to hide the way his gaze trailed over his lips and too sharp features. 

Rolling forward on the chair, Gordon's knees bumped against Benrey's own. In a sudden hardening of his resolve, before the other man could say something that'd make him loose his burst of courage, Gordon closed the space between them both. 

Pressing his lips against the other man's he raised a hand to cup the side of Benrey's jaw. Only falling short as Benrey tensed beneath him. And then, an almost overwhelming wave of relief flooded over him as Benrey leaned back into him. His clawed hands curling tentatively into his hair as Gordon put his hand on the side of Benrey's face. As a flowery taste entered Gordons mouth, it distantly occurred to him that Benrey was basically spitting into his mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Holding on tighter as as Benrey hummed against his mouth. 

Eventually leaning back for air, Gordon let out a breathless laugh, his heart beating erratically in his chest, "That was... I love you too. I really do. I was a huge asshole to you before but. _Fuck_ , I love you." 

Benrey grinned, untangling his fingers from Gordons hair as he pulled them both back onto the bed, pressing a firm kiss against his forehead, "I'm uh, whoah. That was the biggest poggers moment," Benrey breathed out a sigh as he pulled him closer, "Love you... Feels so weird sayin' that actually," he let out a strained laugh, pale yellow sweet voice leaving his lips. 

"Hey, hey, it's alright. You need some space?" 

Benrey shook his head, drawing in a sharp breath, "No, m' good. Just... Never done this before. Worried." 

"It's been a while for me too," Gordon reassured him, "But we're gonna' figure it out together okay?" 

Benrey nodded, swallowing audibly as he glanced back to Gordon, "Can we uh... Can I kiss you? Please?" 

Gordon nodded, a heated flush crawling over his face as Benrey took it in both his hands. Stroking he pad of his thumb just beneath his eye, his expression softening as he leaned in. 

The kiss was more gentle than their first, an easy warmth radiating off the other man that Gordon so desperately wanted to sink into. But he also still had a toddler in the other room who did just break a table a few days ago. 

Breaking the kiss, Gordon leaned back, "Did you leave the plates on the floor?" 

Benrey blinked at him, "Huh?" 

"Plates? On the ground? It's a recipe for disaster." 

"Oh, uh, yeah. But you were uh, more important though. Can buy new plates. Gotta... Fix my homie up befo' doing the small stuff." 

And as stupidly nice as being called important to Benrey made him feel, they also still had dishes on the ground. 

Rolling upright, Gordon padded over to his door, casting a look back to Benrey, still sprawled out over his bed. An unfamiliar, but nice smile curled over his mouth, fangs peeking though his grin. 

"You gonna' help me?" 

"Oh uh... Might hafta' stay here for a minute. Make sure you didn't... Steal anything." 

Chuffing in amusement, Gordon padded back out to the kitchen. Lucky for him, the weren't any plates to deal with, just an army of Joshuas toys scattered over the floor of the living room. The toddler in question though, he found climbing the door of the fridge to reach the freezer. 

" _Whoa_ , buddy," Gordon said, bounding forward and scooping Joshua into his arms, "Don't want to break the the fridge handle there. Trying to get some grapes?" 

Joshua nodded, "Usually Benrey gets em' for me but he went- he left to talk to you." 

"Yeah, he did," Gordon said, grabbing a cup of grapes and passing them to his kid after he took one for himself and set Joshua back on the ground, "Hey kiddo?" 

Looking up from his treat Joshua stared at him, "What Daddy?" 

"How would you feel if Benrey actually moved in with us?" 

Joshua tilted his head slightly, "Is he not moved in already?" 

"Well, he is, but I mean officially. He wouldn't have to sleep on the couch anymore." 

Joshua squinted at that, "He can't have _my_ bed." 

Cracking a grin, Gordon shook his head, "No, he wouldn't get your bed. He'd probably be staying in with me now." 

"Oh. That's okay I guess. Can... I go play now?" 

Gordon nodded, "Yeah, just don't get too rowdy." 

As Joshua ran off with a boisterous 'I wont!' he let out a sigh of relief. Well, at least that was a weight off his mind. Now onto the dishes. 

Benrey conspicuously rejoined Gordon after he'd just cleaned off the last plate. Wrapping his arms around Gordons waist, he buried his face in his neck. 

"Mrgh... You've gotta... Be the one to hold me now." 

"Can't really do that with your arms around me." 

Grumbling something indecipherable, Benrey scooted back slightly, watching him expectantly, "Hug for Benery?" 

"Course'" 

Turning around, Gordon wrapped his arms under Benrey's own, pressing a soft kiss against his collarbone as he nestled his head over the other man's heart. Gordon couldn't see his face from here, but he did hear his pleased exhale as he melted down into him. Gordon smiled to himself as he tapped the steady rhythm of Benrey's heartbeat into his back, an easy sort of feeling radiating out from between them both. 

Yeah. He could definitely get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOD. i almost held the confession out another chapter but. Didnt want to do that.
> 
> Anyway ahah sorry if they're a lil ooc here. my mind do be other places these days. But!!! :)) ALSO i FINALLY figured out the italics thing so! ima be goin back some chapters to fix those lil bits


	17. oops haha didnt know about your injuries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOSH. meant to put this out yesterday but i was stressing over an assignment so :) didn't get it out then. anyway ahaha. here it is!

The first thing Benrey noticed was how touchy Gordon was now that they were... Together? Were they boyfriends? That was a people thing. Maybe there was another silly term for what they were now. Whatever. Gordon had always been pretty physical even before, but this was a whole nother' level, and Benrey was absolutely in _pieces_ over it. 

From casual taps on the top of his hand, or shoulder as Gordon would walk by, or the the too-tender kisses that still sent him reeling. Quietly he hoped that the lightheaded feeling from their lips meeting would never fade. But, even with as needy for attention as Benrey was, it still surprised him every time that Gordon indulged in it. Because, _fuck_ , he'd never done this before. He was hopelessly lost on how to act, or if he was even supposed to be acting differently at all. 

Gordon was human and so _practiced_ at it all, it made Benrey's stomach churn with nerves. They were still learning together, but by god he wished he could skip this part of the tutorial so he didn't have to keep floundering over the do's and don't's. 

The second thing he noticed was that Gordon had nightmares; like, a lot. He tossed and turned in his sleep which Benrey was _pretty_ sure was usual, but there'd be nights where he'd wake to him lying painfully still. Gordons' body rigid beneath the covers, hands gripping the blankets with a white-knuckled grip. 

And fuck, did it hurt to see. Usually, he didn't remember the dreams after Benrey gently woke him. But sometimes, he'd curl into his arms, tucked against his chest as he shook with residual fear. He said he didn't dream of Benrey much anymore, at least not in the nightmare sense. But whenever he did, he'd usually be singing a shade of calm down blue out at him. Lately though, the nightmares seemed to be lessening; shifting more to anxiety dreams rather than warped memories, which Benrey was definitely thankful for. He wasn't _happy_ Gordon was still plagued by negatives in his sleep, but he'd seen how distressed he'd become after particularly nasty dreams. So seeing his dreams shifting to something more regular was definitely better. 

The last thing Benrey noticed, was that Gordon was the absolute worst at video games. It was no wonder all his titles were half completed; he'd probably just given up on them. But it still didn't stop them from having nightly gaming sessions. If only for him to make fun of his partners shit playing. 

Today, it was Gordon's choice, and, of course he'd gone with Minecraft. He'd said it was because he still wanted to improve his motor skills with his prosthetic, but he'd quite easily caught the pillow Benrey had thrown at him after that; so he was pretty sure he'd just picked it because it was hard to fail at Minecraft. 

It still didn't stop Benrey from poking fun at him though. 

"You know theres a village like. Right over there." 

"So?" Gordon asked, squinting at him though the computer's camera. 

"Could uh. Take the look from there. Instead of mining these dumb birch trees. Ugly color." 

"I'm not going to destroy some villagers houses for wood. Then zombies or some shit would get em' at night. Plus, haven't you seen the like... Five thousand chunks video." 

"They're just some dumb villagers bro. All they do is make the ' _hrmm_ ' sound." 

"And trade." 

"Have you _ever_ traded with a villager." 

Silence on Gordon's end. He watched Gordon's lips purse in building frustration, "I still don't have to destroy their village for wood. I've already got everything I need here. Plus birch is _not_ an ugly wood color. Acacia is." 

"You don't have a saddle. So uh. Not everything you need." 

"Yeah, well. Those are hard to find." 

"Unless it's in a village." 

Gordon glared before quickly turning his character and running towards the village, leaving Benrey to follow after him, "I'll have you know that _raiding_ villages isn't above me. But I'm not just going to destroy it for no reason." 

"Yeah, uh, why not. Already being an evil lil' thief. Gonna... Have to give you a fine when I get outta here. Just. Amp up your crime tally bro. It'll... Cancel out." 

"Crime plus crime does not equal no crime." 

"Not with witnesses." 

Gordon let out a surprised burst of laughter, "Dude. Villagers don't even have _drops_. There'd be no point in killing them. Plus, I'm pretty sure I saw an iron golem here." 

Benrey impulsively smacked one of the villagers, which let out a resounding ' _huah_ ' sound, "Wuh?" 

Gordon froze, then whipped his character around to face him, "You did not just hit a villager after I told you about the iron golem." 

Benrey opened his mouth to deny that, but was promptly throwing into the sky. And crashing to the ground, okay, yeah, he could definitely feel pain here. 

Groaning, he quickly reformed his injured parts, stumbling to his feet to round on the golem. And yeah, maybe hitting the villager had been a bad decision. His bad. But Gordon's face had been pretty funny. But now there was an approaching iron golem to deal with. 

He wasn't even able to get a hit in though before the golem sent him flying back again. Landing with a crack, he could feel that one of his bones had broken, and was definitely poking into a place it shouldn't have been. Alright, that was enough, time to dip. 

Distantly aware of Gordon's panicked tone, Benrey squeezed his eyes shut and closed Minecraft, teleporting out onto their bed, gritting his teeth at the twinge pain it brought. 

"Oh fuck. You don't look alright." 

Huh? Oh, Gordon. Right. 

"Yeah, uh... Gimme' a second." 

Squinting up at the ceiling, Benrey tried to make out patterns in the bumps there as his insides reformed. It took more concentration to fix the bone, but luckily it hadn't dug that far into whatever it'd been poking. After a few moments, there was still a bit of lingering discomfort, but nothing was going to kill him. Nothing was going to kill him either way, but he wasn't in pain anymore. 

Rolling upright, Benrey gauged Gordon's nervous expression. Not enough for him to be _really_ mad it seemed, but it did look like he was going to get a talking to. 

"Are you... Okay now?" 

Benrey shrugged, "Uhh, yeah. Guess so. Why'd you care? Gay or something?" 

Gordon sighed in exasperation, moving off his chair to sit down next to him, "We're literally dating Benrey. How much ' _gayer_ ' can it get." 

"You could uh, kiss it better. Amp up that gay thermometer or whatever. Bet you wont." 

Gordon grimaced at him, "You're right, I'm not gonna'. Because, as relieved as I am that you got some self-healing factor that keeps you alive from all the stupid shit you do, I was still really worried. You've never been hurt, let alone _killed_ in there before, so who knows! What if you couldn't heal in there! Or what if the iron golem had killed you and you couldn't get out!" 

Dropping his gaze to the comforter, Benrey tapped at his ankle, trying to radiate as much nonchalance as he could muster, "Yeah well. I didn't so. It's all good." 

"It's _not_ all good! What if you'd died in there!" 

"Woulda... Become a Minecraft skeleton. Bow and all. Obviously. Jeez, it's like you don't know anything about games bro." 

As Gordon's tense silence persisted, Benrey let out a long sigh, finally looking back up at him, "Okay, I don't know what woulda' happened. But I probably would have been fine bro. No need to get worked up over it." 

"A _probably_ isn't reassuring. You can't just... Throw yourself in harms way Benrey. Especially without knowing the consequences." 

Huffing, he reclined back on their bed, "Ugh, _fine_. So mean to me bro. Wont let me have fun in Minecraft." 

Gordon's eyes glinted with a sudden curiosity, "Actually, I had a few questions about how you do in there." 

"What up." 

"Can you like. Feel heat in there? Or cold?" 

"Nah, games too lame for that. Cant even... Feel the different wood textures. But birch would definitely be the worst. Just got a feeling." 

"But since you were hurt by the iron golem, do you think you'd take like... Fire and lava damage?" Gordon's brows furrowed as he stared at his computer. After a long pause, he looked back to him, "Do you think if I put it on creative that the setting would affect you too?" 

"I mean, maybe? Worth a shot." 

Gordon gnawed on his lower lip for a second longer, "I've been wondering about that stuff for a while now... Would... You be okay if we experimented with some things in Minecraft?" 

Experimenting. On him. Immediate revulsion filled his chest at the word, the image of glaring slate colored eyes flashing across his mind. Clear blue sweet voice spurted from his mouth more on instinct than anything. 

He could sense the cogs turning in Gordons head, trying to figure out the rhyme, before a look of horror flashed over his face. 

"Oh- no- Benrey I'd never-" Gordon laid down on his stomach beside him, one tentative hand cupping around his cheek, "I would _never_ hurt you like that, okay? Never." 

Blankly, he nodded, swallowing down another round of salty tasting sweet voice. 

"I was going to like, put you in creative and see if you could get wet by the water. I'd _never_ hurt you man. I love you." 

A watery pink and blue spilled from his lips in response to that. Squeezing his eyes shut, he placed his hand atop Gordon's mechanical one still resting on his face, "I'm... I'm good. You're good. M' good now." 

Slowly, unsurely, the other man retracted his hand, and Benrey let his own fall back to his side. With a few focused breaths, he was good again. 

"- _so sorry_ for even bringing it up. I should have been thinking-" 

"Hey. Bro. I'm good. We're good." 

Gordon obviously didn't believe so, but he didn't push it, which Benrey was silently thankful for; no need to start something dumb over this. 

"Wanna..." he hesitated, watching Gordon's nervous features flick back to him, "Go watch a movie or sum'? Make popcorn?" 

Gordon blinked at him distantly before his mouth twitched upward slightly, "And wake up Joshua?" 

"Little bro can have some popcorn too if he wakes up." 

Gordon forced a fake scowl over his features, " _Fine_ , but if he wakes up you're getting him to brush his teeth again." 

"Dealio'." 

Gordon snorted pressing a quick kiss to Benrey's forehead before leaning back up, "I can get the popcorn stuff ready. You wanna pick the movie?" 

Nodding, Benrey rolled off their bed, and trotted out into the living room, watching from the edge of his vision as Gordon walked into the kitchen. _God_ he loved him, even if he was still a little dumb sometimes. It... Was still kind of weird to him though. Being able to think about saying that without a flash of guilt. But fuck if he cared about that now; he _loved_ him, and Gordon loved him back. 

Another stream of telltale pink to blue floated from his mouth as Gordon flicked back into view. Neither of them were inherently _good_ ; Black Mesa had been a testament to that, but they just worked. Fitting into each others lives in all the right places. 

Putting an abrupt halt on his ultra gay train of thoughts, Benrey focused back in on the Netflix movies. Right, uh... Gordon liked garbage movies, and lucky for him, so did Benrey. Just... The opposite sort of garbage. 

"Sharkboy and Lavagirl?" 

"Huh?" 

"It's an okay movie I guess. Haven't seen it in a while though, so I'll hold back my judgement." 

"Sharkboy and Lavagirl isn't just _okay_. It's a top tier movie bro. Right along with Shark Tales and All Dogs go to Heaven 2." 

"None of those are even in the same genre." 

"Doesn't mean they're any less epic." 

Gordon sighed, settling down into the couch next to him but leaving space for the blow of popcorn which thankfully hadn't woken Joshua, "Alright. Let's get this thing going then." 

Halfway into the movie, Gordon very clearly made up his opinion about the film. 

"This is kind of shit." 

"Whoa, so rude. I'm hurt bro." 

"What! I'm tired of seeing young Jacob... Werewolf whatever, make jokes that just fall flat!" 

"Uh, they _don't_ fall flat. Pretty... Humorous actually. But uh. Werewolf? The dude's like, obviously a shark." 

Gordon turned to look at him, "No, I know dude, the actor, like, later in life he's... Have you seen Twilight?" 

Benrey frowned, "Totally have... Just... Need you to tell me what it is. Make sure you know what you're talking about." 

Brimming with a sudden excitement Gordon laughed, "Oh lord, you're going to get a kick out of these. The Twilight movies are _so_ bad, and we're totally gonna' watch em'." 

"But... Bro, Sharkboy and Lavagirl." 

"Fine; we finish this, and watch Twilight after. God, it's gonna be great." 

A happy trill accompanied by yellow and blue bubbles exited his mouth at that, making Gordon's smile grow. Maybe... It wouldn't matter how bad the movie was. Because if Gordon was _this_ excited about it, it _had_ to be complete shit. But if Gordon was going to be that excited, wide grin and all, he could endure however bad it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry if you learned sharkboy was jacob from twilight from me. biggest downgrade in history.. i cry for so long... anyway! ! ! Thinking.. maybe three more chapters after this! cuz then it'll round to an even number and i also hav a vague outline for that much so! ! ! love y'all!!


	18. go to bed sleepyhead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooo this chapter put me though pain to write despite nothing being really hard abt it so uh! Sorry if its a little choppy or sum! But I am satisfied w how it came out so! Idk!  
> Also *grins so big* i listened to the pocket music album by tatsuro yamashita and the pmd explorers of sky soundtrack while typing this one out so!! feeling p good !!!

Benrey looked like he'd never regretted anything more in this entire life. Only making Gordon's smile grow all the more. 

"Dude... This, is literally the worst." 

"I know right! Isn't it great?" 

Obviously dubious, Benrey blinked at him, "No? This... This ain't even ironic humor bro. Sucks ass. Somebody genuinely... Went out and _made_ this. And thought it was good." 

"Thats the whole joy in it! The story is already _really_ bad and riddled with teen angst nonsense despite Edward being like... Fuckall years old. And they _still_ made a movie about it! And the worst part is! That people _liked_ it! It was a cultural phenomenon dude." 

"Wow uh... People are dumb. Like. _Really_ dumb then," Benrey paused, glancing back to the screen in apparent pain, "Literally don't think I can watch the rest of this though because uh... Sucks too bad. Cringe stank is too strong." 

Gordon's grin didn't drop as he learned over, "Aww, _please_? You haven't even seen the worst part-" 

The buzzing of his phone in his back pocket gave him pause. 

"You'd uh, better get that bro." 

Digging the device out, he squinted at the contact info for a moment before answering, "Hey Tommy." 

"Mr. Freeman! Hello!" 

"It's uh... Pretty late; how'd you know I'd be awake?" 

"Well... Intuition I suppose! But, I did actually have a question for you!" 

"Shoot then." 

"It's been quite a wh- It's been a bit since we've all seen each-other as like... The whole Science Team; so I was wondering if you and Benrey would want to come over to my place to hang out tomorrow! Dr. Coomer and Dr. Bubby will be there as well! Plus Darnold and Forzen. So not exactly _just_ The Science Team but you um, get what I mean!" 

Gordon turned the phone away from his ear as the looked back to Benrey, "Tommy invited us over tomorrow. You wanna go?" 

Benrey nodded, "Uh, yeah obviously. Get to see my best bud Tommy again." 

Feigning hurt, Gordon mouthed 'best bud' as he pulled the phone back to his ear, "Yeah, that sounds good. We'll have to call a sitter for Joshua but ah... We need to bring anything?" 

"Nope! Just good spirits I su- suppose! I'll send you my address... But um! I'll see you guys then!" 

As Tommy hung up, Gordon slipped the phone back into his pocket, "The day's set now I guess. Twilight will have to wait for another time." 

Letting out a sharp groan of relief, Benrey was quick to turn the T.V. off, "No other time bro. Worst move I've seen. Zero out of five Rotten Tomatoes." 

"I had to sit though _your_ dumb-" 

Gordon suppressed a yelp as Benrey swooped him up into his arms. Forcing to loop his arms around the back of the other man's neck on instinct, which only seemed to strengthen his smug expression. 

"Nu-uh. My movie wasn't dumb. You didn't even like that one. Woulda... Rather watched another with that silly guy in it. Your uh, top ten celeb' crush." 

"I definitely do _not_ have a crush on _Adam Sandler_." 

"Yeah well. Your Netflix recommended says differently." 

Before Gordon was able to think of a retort, Benrey abruptly dropped him onto the bed. 

"You uh... Im'a clean up the popcorn stuff. Jammie's time for Feetman." 

It took a painfully long moment for him to process what Benrey was trying to say before it clicked. By the time he puzzled it out, Benrey was already gone to hopefully clean up like he'd said. But, yeah, duh, pajamas. 

Hopping off the bed, Gordon slipped into an old Linkin Park t-shirt and a pair of soft, plaid pajama shorts. Look, it wasn't like he really had anyone to impress here. _Apparently_ Benrey had somehow still been attracted to him, running on little to no actual sleep, covered in alien gore, and with horribly greasy hair; so he doubted he'd care about mismatched pajamas. 

Besides, it wasn't like Benrey's sleep-wear was much better. He never actually saw the guy changing, but he did rotate though a few horrible outfits. 

Removing his prosthetic and plugging it in on his nightstand to charge, Gordon flicked off the light and crawled into the bed. 

Padding back into the room, Benrey pulled his beanie off, setting it down onto Gordon's desk, and flopped down on the covers next to him. He was already wearing the blue M&M sleep shirt that Gordon was still pretty positive he hadn't actually gotten him. Shifting his weight slightly, Benrey pulled himself under the covers. 

"Yo." 

Gordon shifted closer to the other man, "Thanks for ah, doing cleanup out there." 

"S' no problem. Just... Helping out my bestest' friend," scooting closer, Benrey placed a hesitant hand on the side of Gordon's bicep, "Was actually jus gon' tell you I uh... Like you bro. Like you lots." 

Gordon snorted, curling into the other man slightly as his face heated, "I like you too man." 

Benrey hummed, tapping out an irregular pattern over his arm, "Wow uh... Can't even look a bro in the eye? No... Goodnight kiss for the homies?" 

A familiar sense of exasperation flashed though Gordon as he glanced back up, "Dude." 

Smacking his lips loudly, Benrey shrugged, "Yeah uh. Kinda sus. Don’t wanna... Tell your epic gamer friend you've gotta little gay crush?" 

"Shut the hell up and go to bed," Gordon said fondly, tucking his head back down to press his forehead on the space just below Benrey's throat. Bringing his arm up, Gordon carded his hand though Benrey's hair, "Dude... You've gotta like... Shower, for real tomorrow. Grease head." 

Singing a soft, soothing melody, Gordon drug his gaze back up for a moment. A warm, sunset trail of red and orange filled his vision, making his eyelids grow heavy. 

"Orange to red...?" Gordon mumbled questioningly over a sudden yawn. 

"If you're _really_ tired I've gotta help a homie out. Means go to bed," He said almost hurriedly; a sure deflection from the state of his hair. But Gordon wasn't about to call him out on it with how legitimately tired he was getting as the sweet voice set in. 

Humming in response, Gordon dropped his head to the pillow with a sneaking, sleepy smile, "Okay... Goodnight then... Do like you though." 

He fell asleep before he was able to hear the other man's response, but he knew it was something of the same, soft caliber. 

When Gordon woke sometime in the morning, it was to Benrey shifting over in the bed, his features drawn into a tired scowl as he re-settled himself. 

He allowed himself to watch for a moment, just observing his partners, mostly shadowed face return to a natural, calm, sleepy look. If Benrey was awake, he didn't show any movements of calling Gordon out on his staring, he just stayed there, resting peacefully. He couldn't make out most of his defining attributes in the darkness, but he could just pick out his dark lashes against his features; face squished against the side of the pillow in a way that was bound to leave imprints. Deciding he'd been staring for long enough, Gordon rolled over to check his phone. And, yep, it was as good of a time as any to get up and ready for the day. 

Trudging to the closet, he swiped out a comfortable outfit, and headed into the bathroom. The hot water only made him want to crawl back into bed, but he had to set a good example for the morning. He did _not_ want them both pulling up to Tommy's house looking like a mess. Because, yeah, he'd definitely been taking better care of himself now. Maybe not to the same extent that he had been, before Black Mesa, but this wan an improvement from the 'just after' period. He was getting there. 

Making sure both of his arms and hand were well dried, Gordon toweled off his hair so it wouldn't be dripping all over the place and walked back into their bedroom. 

Benrey was still facing the door upon his entry, but scrunched up his face and flipped to the other side as the hall light spilled over him. With a half irritated groan, Benrey hiked the covers up over his head, "Too _early_." 

"It's nearly eight," Gordon replied, carefully removing his prosthetic from it's charger and fitting it onto his arm. 

"Yeah, early as fuck bro." 

Gordon's mouth twitched into a half-smile as he glanced over to Benrey, unconsciously flexing his fingers in a test while he padded to the other side of the room. Kneeling onto the ground, he gently tugged the covers away from Benrey's face, earning a glare in response. 

"You've gotta get up dude. We're going over to Tommy's later, remember? Still have to call a sitter for Joshie, plus make breakfast and everything else." 

"Yeah, sounds like you could do that on your own bro. And we aren't even going over to Tommy's till later... Big uh... Big strong Freeman... Dad of the year can take care of his son just fine." 

" _Other_ Dad of the year still has to get out of bed to help with breakfast regardless. Unless you don't want that ah, achievement?" 

Benrey, very suddenly awake, blinked at him, startled and wide-eyed, "Huh?" 

Recounting his words, Gordon flushed, a sudden bout of nervous laughter bubbling up in his throat, "Oh uh, I- I shouldn't have jumped right to... That. Sorry." 

A high song, punctuated by a rich yellow left Benrey as he shifted onto one elbow, "Bro, you mean it? Co-op parent rights? Player two at the parent teacher conference?" 

Gordons gaze flicked away, almost sheepishly, "I mean... Only if you want to. But I mean... That'd require like... Sticking around I guess." 

Benrey arched an eyebrow at him, "Ain't planning on ditching bro. Commitment at a hundred percent here. Parenting speedrun play-through, world high-score too." 

Gordon groaned, leaning back slightly to accentuate his eye-roll, "You can't _speedrun_ raising a kid." 

"Uh, that's totally a lie. Do it in Minecraft all the time; real-life's basically the same. Just... Feed him some apples till he's an adult. Boom, solved. Gold star for me. Already stole your title of number one Dad with my genius planning. Better get to work if you want it back." 

"Not yet you haven't, but you'd ah... Better get to showering though so you can uh... Try. I'm already so many levels ahead of you already dude." 

Benrey grinned, a sharp-toothed smile that hinted at something more tender, "Oh just you watch dude. Im'a be the best parent you've ever seen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AQWUDUGHAAHH IM EMOTIONAL. Theres only one solid chapter after this then the epilogue. Next chapters gonna be longer than an average one fo me i think. same w the epilogue but!!! thats because!! i want to cover quite a bit of stuff! anyway! Benrey gets to be Joshuas second parent. As a treat.  
> :)


	19. masterful ploy gone wrong (?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so!!! yall will notice that this fic is in a series now because!! yeah! it is lol! This is basically the middle fic for the series but whatever. I'ma be doin a benrey pov sort of prologue beacuse im a kinnie lol, and a little mini story that will take place after this one's epilogue. lol. can u tell im attached *stares at u with huge eyes*  
> Also!! Important CW!! There's recreational alcohol use this chapter!! nothin actually happens w it, gordon basically gets a few sips off a drink. and thats it. but. Figured i'd put that down just in case

The day couldn't go by fast enough; Gordon could barely remember the last time he'd been genuinely excited for a meetup with friends, but he sure was now. Knee bouncing in anticipation, Gordon glanced out the window of the car as his phone read off directions to Tommy's house. Benrey was driving again because he still didn't fully trust himself behind the wheel of a three thousand pound vehicle, but he wasn't nearly as worried about the other mans driving as he had been in the past. In fact, it was one of the last things on his mind as his gaze flicked back to the digital roadmap. 

They were only a few minutes out from their destination, and Gordon couldn't help the small smile that crawled onto his features as he looked away for the umpteenth time. He didn't really know what the evening would entail; it could very well be The Science Team finally deciding to rob a bank because of Gordons off-handed query about it; which, to be fair, they could probably very easily pull off. 

Benrey was already an un-killable nightmare monster with an array of mind fuck powers; Dr. Coomer was partially mechanical and had insane amounts of strength, plus his Super Player Feature, which Gordon still couldn't quite wrap his head around; Bubby was a nefarious pyromaniac with a penchant for arson and above average intelligence; and Tommy was the best shot out of their whole group, having singlehandedly taken out all of Dr. Coomer's clones in that mini Boss Fight. 

Tommy'd also said that Darnold and Forzen would be there, which would probably just be two other valuable additions to their team. After all, Forzen seemed to have similar powers to Benrey, and Darnold was a skilled mixologist, enough so to have made a potion that had him grow a gun arm. 

Gordon was really the only holdup in the equation, but he was decent enough with a gun to help out. At the very least he'd be a good lookout. 

But yeah, they'd have _no_ problem robbing a bank. Not that it's what they were even doing, but it was a fun thought to entertain. 

As Benrey slowed to a stop in front of a large set of iron gates, Gordon almost chided him to keep driving, but before he could, his phone pleasantly announced they'd reached their destination. 

"This can't be right." 

Beyond the gilded iron gates, was a sprawling mansion lit up by yellow lights. A charming fountain circled by a cement driveway sat in front of the place and, yeah, looking closer, that was definitely a dog statue on top of the fountain. They had to be in the right place. 

The driveway up to the main doors bisected the flowing greenery on either side of the mansion. Gardens, nearly mirror images of each-other were in full bloom on both sides of the yard despite it still being summer in the middle of goddamn New Mexico. 

As the gates opened without any prompting, Benrey drove up the driveway. As they neared the doors, Gordon recognized Dr. Coomer's and Tommy's cars along, three others were parked outside as well, soon to be joined by their fourth, and Gordon could guess at the owners of each. 

Pulling up next to the grayish vehicle Gordon assumed to be Forzen's, he hopped out of the passenger seat, waiting by the back of the car for Benrey. 

"Can you believe this?" he laughed incredulously, padding up in the direction of the door. 

"I mean... I've been to Tommy's place before bro. So, uh, yeah. Guess so." 

Before Gordon could throw himself into a fit of hysterics over how it _apparently_ hadn't occurred to Benrey to tell him that Tommy owned a whole ass _mansion_ , the doors to the front of said mansion open. The scientist in question waved at them from the propped open doors, propellor cap situated atop his head. 

Quelling his thoughts, Gordon trotted up to the door, his smile growing as he neared Tommy, "I wasn't expecting you yo have a full blown _mansion_." 

Grinning, Tommy waved them inside, "It's uhm, it's not actually _my_ house. It's my Dad's, but he's- he's okay with everybody coming over!" 

As gordon suddenly had the idea to factor Gman into his hypothetical bank-robbery equation, Tommy lead them into the living room. Darnold and Forzen were seated on the couch, a Tommy spaced shape between them both which the older scientist promptly filled upon his re-entry into the room. As Benrey moved toward the couch opposite of Tommy, Gordon tapped the back of his forearm, moving toward Bubby and Dr. Coomer, both at the bar on the other side of the room. 

"Took you both long enough," Bubby snarked from across the room where he hadn't noticed him, his glasses glinting in the light as he tilted his head back slightly. 

Sitting down next to Dr. Coomer on one fo the barstools, Gordon patted the counter absentmindedly, "This place isn't exactly on a main road, it was a little tough to get out to." 

Sniffing, Bubby slide him an orange drink with a little pink umbrella floating in it, "It's only hard to get out to if you abide by the rules of the road." 

"Rules of the road _are_ for pussies Gordon," Dr. Coomer agreed _oh_ so helpfully. 

As soon as Gordon plucked the decorative thing from the drink, Bubby promptly set it aflame. Scowling at the older scientist, Gordon dropped the scorched plastic onto the countertop. Making sure none of the burned paper had gotten into his drink, he took a drink off of it. Only remembering after a moment that Bubby was nothing _but_ a shithead, and he should have been considering the fact he could have put fucking... Gasoline or something in there. He was reassured by the strong citrusy taste and the fact that they were still in Tommy's house. And he was fairly sure Tommy wouldn't let Bubby poison him. At least not in the first hour of them all reconvening. 

Either way, the deed was done and if there had been any foul play in the drink's making neither of the older men looked like they were going to tell him 

"Those rules keep people _alive_ , which is something I prefer," Gordon huffed, taking a sip off the drink Bubby had given him, "I do have a son to take care of you know." 

"Yes, we do remember your lovely boy Gordon! Much potential for violence in the tyke!" 

Gordon's brows drew together in confusion, "What?" 

"Oh! Those burns of your ceiling weren't from Bubby I'm afraid!" 

While Gordon desperately wanted to know how _Joshua_ had somehow managed to reach the ceiling of his kitchen, Tommy clapped his hands together, grabbing everyones attention. 

"I've uh, we can all go have a game of hide and seek. If you all uhm, want to play." 

Dr. Coomer, visibly brightening at the mention of a game, hopped off his stool, "I do love a good game of hiding and seeking!" 

At everyones cheers of agreement, Gordon took a longer sip off his drink, he guessed tonight wouldn't just be chit-chat and catching up. 

Following everybody outside, Gordon surveyed the wide backyard. The garden didn't seem to extend this far back, but Gordon noticed the hazy figures of topiary animals in the little light that there was. There did seem to be plenty of hiding places though, coming in the forms of various shrubs, benches, large rocks, and overhanging trees. 

Tommy, the one leading them all out into the yard, paused, turning back to the rest of the group, "Alright so uh, the first seeker has- has gotta be human, so we don't start out with any un- unfair advantages. So um, Benrey, Forzen and I are out." 

"Wait- wait," Gordon brushed past Darnold to look at Tommy more clearly, "You're not human?" 

Tommy smiled, fiddling with the edge of his shirt as he shook his head, "No Mr. Freeman, I'm uh, not really human. I'm not from Xen, but I’m still an alien of sorts. I just, ah, keep up more human appearances I guess. I've been doing it for quite a while so it's easier for me." 

Gordon blinked, "You... Alright. Whatever, this is fine," In retrospect, he probably should have picked up on it. Tommy was more cautious than the other members of The Science Team but when he had fallen into huge pits he'd still somehow managed to get back up in a matter of moments. 

Gordon looked back to the rest of the group, "So uh... _Last to hit the deck is it_." 

Immediately crouching to the ground, Gordon watched with a grin as Darnold and Dr. Coomer followed in quick pursuit, leaving Bubby still standing, glaring in obvious confusion. 

"Dr. Bubby it seems you're the last to hit the deck!" Dr. Coomer said with a smile, "So per the rules of the game you're the seeker!" 

Bubby flashed a heated glare to Gordon, "You didn't give a fair warning!" 

"Thats the point," Darnold chimed in, a twin smile curling over his features, "Its all about trickery! And you've been duped well!" 

With a huff, Bubby folded his arms over his chest, " _Fine_. But when I find you all, you don't get to complain about _fair warnings_ ," turning on his heel, Bubby stalked away, his head still held high as he faced the glass doors and began to count down. 

Scrambling to his feet, Gordon tossed a grin to the rest of the group before taking off toward the right side of the yard. His night vision wasn't exactly _bad_ per say, but he found himself tripping over more tree roots than he'd like to admit, costing him some time. Distantly, he heard Bubby call out a 'zero' making Gordon dive behind a relatively small bush. 

The mulchy ground was uncomfortable and some chips were definitely digging into his jeans, bit it was better than just standing out in the open. 

He hadn't really done something stupid like this in years. Just fucking- crouching in the dirt, staring his hearing for footsteps with some giddy sort of feeling that made him tremble. He knew the whole thing was kind of stupid. They were seven grown ass men who just... Fucking, decided to play hide and seek. Like they were twelve. But he also couldn't deny the dumb sort of grin that crawled over his mouth as he glanced up from behind the bush, spotting Bubby across the yard. The older man's back was to him, kicking at something Gordon couldn't see from this angle. So, yeah. This was stupid as shit. But he was also having fun. 

Or at least he was till Bubby whirled around with a maniacal grin and launched a whole ass fucking _fireball_ at him. 

"God- _Fuck_!" Gordon shouted, sprawling out of the way, just in the nick of time to have a bush combust behind him. 

"Gotcha' bitch!" 

Flinching at the splinters imbedding themselves into his palm, Gordon scrambled to his feet, spinning to face the old man, "What the _fuck_ man! That was Tommy's bush!" 

Bubby cackled, rotating another fireball in his hand as he stalked closer, "Make your own rules! And I _did_ tell you there'd be no warnings!" 

"That doesn't mean a _goddamn_ -" Gordon yelped, dodging to the side as Bubby threw the second fireball at a tree, engulfing the poor plant in moments. The flames weren't aimed _at_ him, but it was still near enough to send him reeling. 

Popping out from behind a rock on the other side of the yard, Tommy raced over, "That's- no more fire please! We don't want anyone getting hurt!" 

Pausing, Bubby glanced from Tommy to Gordon then back. With a sigh, he let the leftover flames fizzle out with the motion of dropping his hand to his side, " _Fine_. Your plants are ruined though." 

And looking around, yep, he was definitely amidst a rapidly moving inferno. Gordon could practically see it on the news now, 'Mansion goes up in flames from rouge arsonist.' 

But just as Gordon realized, yeah, he should probably be trying to escape, the sprinklers around the yard sputtered to life, one lucky stream hitting him square in the face. A new sort of panic filled Gordon as he flailed his prosthetic around for a moment, because _fuck_ he couldn't ruin his arm. Finally opting to tuck it under his shirt after regaining enough of his senses, he blindly charged though the streams of water. And in another lucky stroke, managed to collide directly into somebody else. 

Falling flat onto his ass, Gordon immediately, curled into himself in an attempt to shield his arm. Squinting upwards he glared at the figure standing above him, "Benrey? What the fuck; help me up." 

Extending a hand, Benrey pulled him to his feet. Gordon gritted his teeth as he was reminded of the billions of splinters in his palm. As another sprinkler sprayed him in the back, he flinched forward closer to Benrey in a mostly futile attempt to shield his arm, "Okay, literally, what the fuck's going on." 

Benrey shrugged, closing one eye as a sprinkler caught him in the cheek, "Darnold turned on the sprinklers then uh...Everybody... Ditched us out here. Very not cool." 

Hurrying over to the glass doors they'd come out of, Gordon pulled on the handles and _of fucking course_. They were locked. Glaring inside he would have though maybe everyone else _had_ gone someplace else, if he couldn't see Sunkist's tail whisking over the floor from behind a corner as she stared intently at something- someone. 

As another jet of water sprayed across Gordon's back, he pounded his fist against the glass, "Fuck you guys!" 

Getting no reaction aside from a look from Sunkist, Gordon held his other arm from the outside of his shirt and followed the edge of Tommy's house to go back out front. Benrey trailed closely behind him, humming to himself which only managed to irritate Gordon more. 

"Can you fucking quit that?" He hissed though clenched teeth. 

"Just... Humming a tune bro. No need to be mean." 

Whirling on the larger man, Gordon jabbed a finger into his soaked gamer t-shirt, "No reason to be _mean_? Bubby just tried to light me up and nobody did a thing! Apparently the only one with an inch of common sense here is _Tommy_ , and even then, he only jumped in when Bubby was going to actually smoke me!" 

"Bro, the old dude was just joshin' with you. Little pranks; you know how it is." 

"It _wasn't_ just some fucking prank _bro_. I've got splinter for fucking days, and I only _just_ by some miracle, managed not to get my fucking prosthetic wet!" 

Benrey blinked dumbly at him, his silence stretching for an uncomfortably long moment before he nodded once, "Oh... So... You were scared." 

Gordon recoiled slightly, " _Fuck_ you man. If you're gonna sit here and make fun-" 

"Not making fun bro," Benrey hastily corrected, "It's... Really not epic for you to get scared like that. Shoulda... Jumped Bubby or something. Want me to do it? I can." 

Relaxing slightly, Gordon sighed, slipping his arm out from beneath his shirt, "No it's... Fine. I'm going to go in and yell at everybody myself but at like, a reasonable amount. I'm still really pissed but... I don't know man." 

"Hug?" 

Gordon glanced back up, meeting Benrey's almost soft stare, "Yeah, sure, whatever." 

Leaning down, Benrey enveloped him in his arms, rubbing at the back of Gordon's shirt gently, giving him a moment to calm down. 

Pulling back after a second, but still keeping a hesitant hand on Gordon's shoulder, Benrey looked at him, "Ya' good now?" 

Gordon licked his lips, glancing back to the house, a familiar anger bubbling up in his chest again, "Yeah, I'm good." 

"Aight'," tromping on ahead, Benrey threw the front doors open with a crash that made Gordon both flinch and grin at the same time. 

"Yo can we get a _doctor_ up in here," Benrey said in his usual monotone, his voice echoing through the halls. 

Almost immediately, Tommy appeared in the threshold to the living room, his face twisted in such a form of anxiety that Gordon felt his anger settle a considerable amount. 

"It's just some splinters," Gordon quickly corrected, holding his hand out, "You wouldn't have some like... Tweezers or something?" 

Tommy quickly nodded, "I- I'll go get that." 

Darting past Gordon, not meeting his eyes, he got the distinct feeling that something was up. 

The sensation was only strengthened as Tommy came back with the little utensil and Gordon passed it to Benrey so he could reprimand everybody properly at everyone without having to think about doing two things at once. And for the most part, everybody was apologetic, having forgotten about his prosthetic and how easily damaged by water it could be. Darnold, for his part, seemed to be feeling the worst out of everybody, having been the one to turn the sprinklers on in the first place. But Gordon was quick to forgive him his anger at the whole situation already ebbing away. 

As Benrey handed the tweezers back to Gordon, he gave him a quick peck on the cheek before moving to hand them back to Tommy, falling short when he caught the stricken look on his face. Gordon immediately flushed, hurriedly dropping the tool into Tommy's hands, "Oh, I ah, yeah. Sorry for not like... Telling you guys sooner or something I guess." 

Tommy and Darnold let out sighs at the same time while Forzen flicked a half-grin to Benrey. 

"Well gentlemen! It does seem like we've been had!" 

Gordon turned his gaze to Dr. Coomer, "What?" he asked him for the second time this evening. 

"Well Gordon," he chuckled sheepishly, patting the sides of his legs as he continued, "It was all a ploy I'm afraid! Everyone has been... A little antsy to see you two quit your dancing around each-other! It was making group settings quite awkward between you two I'm afraid. So we set this whole event up to see if you both would ever own up to your feelings. But it seems you managed to pull through on your own!" 

Gordon frowned, "So this... Was all to try and _get me and Benrey together_?" 

"Well Mr. Freeman," Tommy interjected, "We... We did all figure you both would need a little uhm, nudge I guess." 

"So what was the whole fucking deal with the fireballs?" Gordon groaned, his anger returning in record time. 

Bubby scoffed as he turned his head away, "Oh I already knew of course. I was just having some fun." 

"You didn't know till just a moment ago my dear professor," Dr. Coomer chided. 

While the two older men got into another doctor v.s. professor match, Gordon retreated to his seat on the couch with an irritated sigh, "You guys could have just _asked_ you know." 

Tommy nodded, his mouth twisting to a less strained sort of smile, seeing that he wasn't _really_ angry anymore, "Yeah... But the, the drama _was_ kind of fun to set up." 

The rest of the evening continued without flames, much to Gordon's relief. He got to finish his drink over one of the longest and most downright painful Monopoly games Gordon had ever played. Mostly, it was Darnold and Dr. Coomer fighting for properties, but _somehow_ Benrey had managed to snag the most expensive place on the board, and people just kept _landing_ on it. Eventually though, they had to give in, the game was taking a lot longer than it should have and Gordon did still have a babysitter at his house with Joshua. 

Waving goodbye to everybody in the doorway of Tommy's house, Gordon hopped back into the passenger seat. As he fidgeted with the seatbelt, he bit back a hiss at the twinge in his hand, "Fuckin... Forgot a splinter dude." 

Benrey glanced over to him, pulling his hand away from Gordon's face from where he'd been examining it. 

Squinting at his palm for a long second, he carefully plucked the splinter from his skin, brushing his lips over the middle of Gordon's hand before letting go, "There now you're all good. But we've uh... Gotta hurry back. My turn to choose the game tonight bro." 

Gordon nodded, ignoring the sudden flush that flooded over his face at the tender action. Turning his attention to the passenger side mirror instead, Gordon watched as the mansion slowly faded out of view as they got back on the road to go home. 

His life... Definitely wasn't perfect, if tonight was a testament to anything, and it likely never would be; to assume that everything would eventually fix itself in time was just a blatant case of denial. So of course Gordon's life wasn't perfect. But it had been made so much better by all the people in it. Each and every one of them had their flaws that he'd learned to accommodate, but he wouldn't trade any of them for the world either. 

_Especially_ for the person next to him. 

Looking over to where Benrey's hand was idly tapping on the rest piece between them, he laced his fingers with the other mans. And as he was turning to look back out the window, he caught the glow of pink to blue out the corner of his eye. 

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AUHGHGHHUHSHHSAKJSDHJHD LONG ASS FINAL CHAPTER. I CRY WRITING IT AMND AM SO TIRED NOW BUT *holds fic in hands* for all ov u... *heart eyes*  
> Anyway! this chapters longer cuz it's the last official one but!!! we're not done yet!! theres still an epilogue after this!! And i am SO SO SO psyched to write it!!! brain goes a hundred miles a minute!! but for now!!!! i sleepzz..


	20. Epilouge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO IF YOURE READINMG TIS RIGHT NOW I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!! *i give you ALL a kiss because you're all so epic and i love y'all so much for sticking w me and reading this thing* 
> 
> I just... Thank y'all so much,, i got so much support on this fic and it was just SO nice to read your guys's comments on this i just.,, love y'all

Gordon awoke to the gentile chiming of his alarm, immediately triggering his pavlovian response of annoyance. Rolling over to grab his phone, he felt around on his nightstand, over the Minecraft handbooks Benrey had been reading and apparently learned how to use redstone from, and flicked off the alarm. As he rolled back into place to stare at the ceiling for a moment, the bed shifted next to him, Benrey's soft grumblings meeting his ears as he rolled over to face the other way. 

"No sleeping in this morning," Gordon mumbled over a yawn, sliding out form beneath the covers of their bed and trudging to their closet, "Places to be and speeches to say." 

"Gonna' fuck it up?" Benrey asked drowsily, shifting the covers up over his head. Gordon almost responded by throwing the other man's suit back at him, but only just refrained in fear of putting wrinkles in it. No doubt Benrey would do that as soon as he got the thing on, be he wasn't going to be the one to prompt it. 

Pulling his own tux out of their closet, he glanced back over his shoulder, " _No_ , because, _I_ have my speech memorized." 

Benrey looked back at him to send a flat glare in his direction, "Lameass little... Nerd trying to memorize..." he trailed off as his eyes closed again, no doubt falling back asleep. 

Padding back over to the bed, Gordon shook him back awake, "I _know_ Bubby will set you on fire if you fuck your bit up, so you'd better start thinking of things to say; I'm heading off to shower." 

Groaning loudly, Benrey tossed the covers off, " _Fine_ , you're so fuckin' _mean_ to me though." 

Satisfied that he wasn't immediately going to fall back asleep, Gordon made his way into their bathroom off to the side of their bedroom. It was a lot nicer than their old apartments one, and was definitely cleaner. They'd been in this house for a little over half a year now and it was infinitely better in just about every aspect than his apartment. The only real downfall was that there was _too_ much space sometimes. But even then, that was a minor issue he could live with. 

He kept his shower brief so he could spend more of his time figuring out how to work his way into his tux. It fit just fine, but it was still such a needlessly complex piece of clothing to figure out. Finally reckoning done as much as he could on his own, he padded back out of the bathroom, tie in hand. Hearing a ruckus form down the hall he paused, creeping out of their bedroom he made his way to Joshua's half-opened door down the hall and peeked inside. 

Benrey was holding a laughing Joshua aloft by one ankle, their faces split into similar smiles as Joshua twisted in his grip. 

Cracking his eyes open, Joshua must have noticed him in the hallway because as he barked out a breathless laugh he managed to wheeze out a "Dad! You've gotta help m-" Before his sentence turned to a squeal al Benrey caught hold of his other leg, swinging him from side to side as he looked to Gordon. 

"Whatcha' gonna do Feetman?" Benrey taunted, hefting Joshua's ankles up above his head, "Gotta shield and full health. Better hit me in one shot. Only one move; better make it count." 

Looking to Joshua, Gordon grinned, "He's too strong for me buddy, and if you can't beat em..." he trailed off, hopping forward to grab Joshuas forearms so her was half cradled between the two of them, " _Join em'_ ," he cried, tossing Joshua onto his bed as their kid let out a burst of giggles. 

Gordon clapped a hand onto Benrey's shoulder to steady himself amidst his laughter as Joshua righted himself, "Alright, alright," he said finally, "We've still got to get ready for the day. Darnold's been saying Coomer and Bubby have only been getting more anxious by the day, so I want to get there before one of them inevitably starts breaking things." 

Benrey sighed dramatically, clipping into the floor as he slow-walked out of the room, "The old dudes will be _fine_ , you're just trying to get us out early so you can _steal_ things. Lil... Lil Thiefman, so rude, stealking at a wedding." 

Joshua gasped in mock horror as Benrey disappeared around the corner, "You're going to _steal_?" 

" _No_ \- I'm-" he cut himself off with a sharp exhale, "You go get ready too, I'm making breakfast then we'll be heading out." 

Saluting in response, Joshua hopped off his bed and started in the direction of his closet. 

Making his way back to his bedroom Gordon retrieved his prosthetic from his nightstand, fitting it on and trotted downstairs board the kitchen. Only stopping short to pet their cat Cheeto who was perched on the back of the couch. She'd happened upon them by accident, somehow trapping herself in their recycling bin and yowling her head off till Benrey had finally gone out to find her. He'd immediately taken her back inside and announced that they had a new pet. Gordon was still more of a dog person, but Cheeto was a really good cat. She was so sweet and hadn't once clawed anybody. Plus, she and Sunkist had gotten along great when Tommy had brought her over. 

Starting on breakfast, he went through the motions of his morning-time routine, ignoring the nagging feeling that things would go wrong. He knew it would be fine, Dr. Coomer and Bubby were two grown adults; they could handle their own wedding. 

Humming softly to himself as he worked, Gordon enjoyed the soft early morning sounds. He didn't often get breaks like this anymore; moments to just pause and take everything in, so it was nice. Especially since he'd started his teaching job at the local university, he had some papers to grade after they got back- 

His fuzzy string of thoughts was cut off upon Benrey's entrance into the kitchen. He was still wearing that god-forsaken creeper beanie Gordon had got him years ago, but _damn_ if that suit didn't look nice on him. It seemed to be stretching a little tightly across his shoulders, but it did nicely emphasize his chest. 

"You checkin' your homie out?" Benrey asked with a sharp grin. 

Gordon scoffed, turning away to his hands off on the nearby towel as he moved the prepared food onto three plates, "You wish." 

"S' all good," Benrey continued, leaning back casually, "You uh... Look good." 

Flushing, Gordon moved the plates to the table, "You look good too, but ah, would you mind putting my hair into a braid after I dry it? It's harder to do on my own." 

Benrey waved him off dismissively as he sat down at the table, "Yeah totally. Can't uh, can't let my best friend head out without his epic hairstyle." 

Joshua joined them halfway through breakfast, speeding though eating so he could play on his DS before they left. 

While Benrey cleaned everybody dishes Gordon headed back upstairs to grab his shoes brush his teeth and dry his hair. It didn't take long for Benrey to join him in the bathroom, perched on the lip of the bathtub, lazily tracking his movements through half lidded eyes. 

Finally satisfied, Gordon ran his fingers once though his hair before handing off the bright orange scrunchie, "Alright, go wild." 

His expression didn't shift much, but his eyes did brighten slightly as he slipped the scrunchie onto his wrist. Getting up to stand behind Gordon, he ran clawed fingers though his long hair, basically massaging his scalp. Leaning into his touch, Gordon reflexively closed his eyes, letting his thoughts meld away to focus on the soft pulling sensation. 

It didn't take long for Benrey to actually braid his hair, but Gordon found himself wishing he'd taken a little longer. But alas, they did actually have a wedding to attend. 

Turning back around, he examined Benrey's handiwork in the mirror, "Thanks man," he said, pressing a brief kiss to the side of his jaw before he ducked down to pull on his shoes, "Now let's go." 

"Ima..." Benrey coughed up a flurry of blazing red that made Gordon grin, "Go get Joshua," he said in a hurry, quickly slipping from the room. 

Adjusting his socks, he walked back downstairs to wait by the front door. They weren't actually going to drive there so there was no reason to stand there, but it proved some sort of point to wait by it. Benrey and Joshua appeared in the stairwell moments later, Benrey's larger hand carefully clasped around Joshuas smaller one. 

"Alright Gordon', need your hand too. And no peeking'," Offering his hand to Gordon as he drew closer, Benrey dropped his flat gaze to Joshua, "N' I mean that sheriff; gotta... Close your eyes. No opening till I say." 

Joshua nodded firmly, already squeezing his eyes shut in preparation. 

Placing his hand into Benrey's, Gordon closed his eyes as well, "Alright, everybody got their shoes and things? All good to go?" 

He was met with two resounding noises of affirmation before the floor dropped out from beneath him. 

Quelling the sick feeling that came with teleportation, he made sure to keep his eyes firmly closed. Only when he felt Benrey's hand briefly squeeze around his own, did he open his eyes. 

And _wow_ did Bubby and Coomer really go all out for their wedding. Not that he really expected anything less from the both of them. Gordon had only visited the remote location once before, and it'd only been to help unload the moving vehicle they'd brought up, but he hadn't stuck around to see everything set up. Somehow, the two had managed to find the abandoned, outdoor artium a year prior and had cleaned it up enough to where it probably looked better now than when it was first built. There were only a few chairs set out in a semi-circle around the elevated platform near the back of the structure, but it was only enough for who was coming so it didn't really matter too much. Saving space and all. 

Flowers of all shades adorned the area around the atrium, and Gordon might have been concerned about Bubby lighting them up, had he not seen the careful way the older scientist unpacked them from the truck. His wrinkled face, usually pinched in scowl turned to concentration as he'd set them up. 

Pulling their train of three forward, Gordon took a hesitant seat next to Forzen who was pulling at his tie with a tight frown. 

"Anybody combust yet?" he asked quietly, glancing around the space. 

Forzen shot him a strange, pained sort of look before giving up on his tie entirely, "Not so far," he grumbled, "Don't think Coomer's too far off from it but uh... Hopefully they'll start this thing up soon. Put all this nervous energy outta the way." 

Darold placed a hand on Forzens shoulder, turning the larger man in his direction so he could fix his ruined tie, "They're going to be fine," he said, leaning off to the side slightly so he could better see Gordon, "Tommy's talking to him now so I don't think they'll be long-" Darnold laughed lightly, his gaze trained ahead and, yeah, looking over, that was Tommy, Sunkist and Dr. Coomer headed their way, "Speak of the devil," Darnold finished. 

Hopping onto the elevated surface, Dr. Coomer beamed at Gordon, Benrey and Joshua in turn, twirling his ruffled dress as he let out a boisterous laugh, "Hello Gordon and family! I'm glad to see you all made it." 

"We wouldn'tave missed it for the world Dr. Coomer." 

"Yeah uh, sick setup," Benrey helpfully added. 

"We did work on it for quite some time," Dr. Coomer said, appraising his handiwork with a glance around, "But it's high time we put it to it's intended use!" 

And with that, Bubby appeared in a plume of smoke next to Coomer, whisking his flame patterned tailcoat like some magician. It felt much too theatrical for a wedding, but was very on brand. For those two at least. 

Gman was standing stiffly behind the two, and Gordon was _positive_ he hadn't been there moments before, but he sure was now. He'd only actually seen him one other instance aside from at Tommy's birthday party two years ago, and it'd been when they were all hanging out at Tommy's house. He'd only seen him in a fleeting glance, standing beside a stone pillar and vanishing near instantaneously. But he wasn't nearly as menacing now as he had been before. And surprisingly, he wasn't in his business suit either, rather fitted into a simple tuxedo. Albeit with the same color scheme, but at least he was outfitted for the occasion. Though he did catch sight of the briefcase still at his side. 

As Dr. Coomer and Bubby settled, Gman took a step forward, "Seeing as... The good majority of us, do not have any legal documents pertaining to our existence... I will be officiating this ceremony and will... Make sure it's properly recorded," glancing to the two older men he was referencing, he tilted his head minutely, "You two wish to be wedded still?" 

Receiving two nods of agreement, he straightened his tie, "Then I will now draw this out any longer. I pronounce you... Husband and husband. Do what you must," he said, a hint of a smile curling onto his straight features. 

And for as completely anticlimactic as the announcement was, with as enthusiastically as Dr. Coomer swept Bubby into a kiss, it was enough to bring the everyones excitement right back up. 

Amidst everyones cheering, Gordon caught sight of Benrey snapping some photos with a camera he hadn't noticed he'd brought along. The device brought back some unsavory memories, but with the small smile that he could see from the corner of his eye, it erased the negative burst of feelings in his chest and replaced them with something warmer. 

"Fuck yeah!" Bubby cheered as Dr. Coomer pulled him back upright, pumping one flaming fist into the air, "Now we eat that goddamn cake!" 

Linking arms, the two newlyweds bounded though the space between their chairs. 

Turning to Gordon, Benrey dropped the camera from his face, "Yo, let's get this party _started_." 

And indeed they did. 

The Science Team had held multiple parties together over the years, it was a good way to reconnect with everybody, especially if someone had been gone doing this or that for a while. But none of them topped the wedding. 

The joyous atmosphere coupled with the nice day and good food just blended together in a perfect mesh of a vaguely familiar warmth. Dr. Coomer even brought his saxophone back out again and got to play the instrumentals to Dr. Feelgood, which Bubby could apparently rock it to. 

Letting out a laugh, Dr. Coomer locked eyes with Gordon, "I'd almost forgotten!" he said, waiving Gordon toward the platform in the atrium, "Speeches, speeches!" 

As Gordon made his way up to the platform with a nod, he felt the words he'd spent so much time practicing escaping him. As if they'd specifically chosen this moment to be the one that he'd forget. Go figure. 

Turning back around to see everyone's expectant gazes on his, he felt his mouth go dry. Alright. This was fine, it was totally whatever. He'd basically winged his way though college, he could make up a speech on the spot. it was fine. 

"I ah..." Gordon took in a steadying breath; he could do this, it would be fine. Or at least not worse than whatever Benrey had planned, "I just want to start off by saying its I'm really happy to be here with you all. We don't all get the chance to gather together like this much anymore, so it's really nice. But, I'm really glad to have you both in my life," he made sure to glance to Bubby and Coomer when he said that, just like a school presentation, it was fine, "We probably wouldn't have gotten through Black Mesa without you guys so, a thousand times thank you. The happiest I've seen you both though is when you're together and I'm really- I hope you guys have many good years ahead of you together." 

As Gordon stepped off the platform, he was swept up into Dr. Coomers embrace. And _ouch_ yeah, extendo' arms were not designed for hugging, but the sentiment wasn't lost on Gordon. As he was set back down onto the ground, he watched as Dr. Coomer brushed the tears from his eyes, "Gordon, that was wonderful." 

Bubby, who he hadn't noticed approaching nodded stiffly, "It was... Decent. You could have not said it like we were dying though." And despite his chiding tone, Gordon was pretty sure he could see Bubby's eyes getting misty from behind his thick glasses. 

"Anyway!" the older man said sharply, having noticed Gordon's staring, he waved to Benrey, "You have a bit too; get on with it." 

Like a deer in the headlights, Benrey froze, "Uhh... Ditto to what my main man said. Hope you guys are... Happy and cool and stuff." 

Gordon groaned, dropping his head into his hands, "Dude you cant just _ditto_ my speech-" 

Smacking his lips loudly, Benrey shoveled a forkful of cake into his maw, "Well, urmph- Jus' _didf_. Goonbye." 

And with that, he was hustling away off in Tommys direction. 

The rest of the wedding went well, mostly it was just idle chitchat and trading stories and different memories, but as the sun started sinking lower toward the horizon, they all cleared some space to make sort of a dance-floor. It was more of a barren patch of grass where everyone had hastily moved all the decorations from, but it severed its purpose. 

As Gordon watched from the his seat on the side of the dance-floor, moved aside for convenience, he looked on with a slight grin as Tommy dragged his boyfriends off of the sidelines to dance as a peppy sounding song came on. 

He was about to get up to join them when a heavy hand fell onto his shoulder. Glancing up behind himself, he saw Benrey standing there, shuffling in place almost nervously. 

"Can we uh... Talk?" 

Nothing good ever came with that question. 

Glancing around, he spotted Joshua sitting on the ground, petting Sunkist, and no doubt getting dirt all over the rented outfit. Well, whatever, what's done was done and it was a problem for later Gordon. 

Patting the top of Benrey's hand, he nodded, getting to his feet and following his partner a distance away from the others. The music was more muffled now there there was a significant gap between them and the speakers, but the sound hadn't disappeared completely. 

Offering one last glance to the dance-floor, Gordon spotted Bubby and Coomer joining in as well. 

His attention was re-captured by Benrey as he slipped his hands around Gordons own, his thumb tapping lightly against his wrist. 

"Know you don't remember but uh, we did meet once, like, a really long time ago. We musta' been kinda' around the same age I guess. You n' your family were on a camping trip or sum' and I'd just figured out how to teleport so we uh, met by accident. You were um, the first person I'd ever met. Outside of Black Mesa. And I uh, it stuck with me. We just... Hung out and whatever but you were like, nice to me. And nobody aside from Tommy and maybe Forzen I guess had ever really been nice to me." 

Gordon thought back as hard as he could. His memories of childhood were hazy but... 

"I _do_ remember going camping and... Yeah I remember somebody else being there with me. Was..." Gordon trailed off, trying to recall the scene properly, "So that was you? And didn't you scare off a mountain lion or something?" 

Benrey brightened, vigorously nodding his head as his tapping continued, "Yeah that was me bro! Big ol' cat... You were all scared and shit so I uh, gave it the what for or something. But um, yeah, you were the first person to be nice to me without like... Forced circumstances. So I think I uh, started liking you way back then. Which is like, cringe but, whatever. You're just so good n' nice like, was else was I _supposed_ to do. But um..." 

He trailed off, his have darting away and searching the air behind Gordon for a long moment, "But I uh, love you bro. Love you like a uh... Like an albatross." 

Gordon blinked, "What?" 

"They're basically big-ass seagulls," Benrey rambled, his tapping increasing as he bulldozed on, "Like, taller than me if they spread their wings out. Watched a documentary on em' with Joshua. But uh... They're these big lonely birds for most of their life, flinging around and shit, doing albatross things but uh. Eventually they find another cool and equally epic bird and they're like 'whoa, Ive gotta do a sick dance to impress this guy' and so they do their little bird dance and uh. If the other bird digs it they go, 'hey homie lets chill and like... Build a nest together and raise some sick ass albatross chicks', which are really ugly, but that doesn't matter. But they're like. For life bro. Bonded forever with some Barbie magic shit. And I'm... I'm, doing my little bird dance right now. Do or die. Flapping... Epic albatross wings at you in a 'you wanna hang forever' kinda way." 

If Gordon hadn't spent the last two years learning to decipher Benrey's inane bullshit ramblings, he would have had no idea what any of that meant. But instead, it clicked near instantly, his assumption solidifying as Benrey stepped away for a moment pulled out a small leather box. 

"So uh, you game? You dig the dance?" 

Tears welled in Gordons eyes and he saw the way Benrey's stance went rigid. 

"Yeah," he said, his voice all too soft, but still feeling much too loud for the moment at hand. 

Benrey stared at him, "Wait, you for real? Marriage is yes?" 

Gordon nodded, leaping forward to wrap his arms around the back of Benrey's neck, " _Please_ don't say it like that. But yes. Absolutely." 

He felt Benrey smile against the side of his neck, quickly lifting Gordon off his feet and spinning them in place, letting loose a familiar song of pink and blue as they whirled around. 

" _Fuck_ yeah bro, engaged in the real!" 

Gordon laughed as he was set back down, warmth blooming though him as Benrey fumbled with the box for a moment, carefully taking Gordons hand and slipping the gold band onto his ring finger. 

"I don't think Bubby will be happy we stole his day," Gordon said softly, a smile still present over his lips despite the threat of annihilation by flames. And as he looked up, yeah, that was Benrey, his _fiancé_. The thought was almost enough to make him laugh again 

"Probably not," Benrey agreed, "Can't change it though." 

And he sure as hell couldn't. 

Fuck, they were _engaged_. 

Cupping Benrey's face in his hands, he stood on his tip-toes to press their lips together. It was no cinematic moment with fireworks bursting in the background and a cheering crowd. But it was Benrey. And with the buzz of their friends and family's laughter in the background, and the low humming of distant insects starting up around them, it was enough. 

It was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANMFD ITS DONE! ! ! I LITERALLY CRY. Thank each n eery one of you readers so so so much! I loved writing this and I hope y'all loved reading it! The series aint done but this fic is and *SOBS* AUFDSHLKSDFLK I REALLY LOVED WRITING TIS!!! Thank you to ERYBODY who commented on this because i loved reading ery one of them and I really enjoyed hearing what u guys had to say!!!
> 
> Specific thanks to beatlebambi n gaymice on instagram I LOV HEARIN WHAT U GUYS HAD TO SAY AND I GIBV U BOTH KISS... *heart eyes*
> 
> Ty also to my regular commenters, biggest_clown_in_the_circus, Kaijol, mike_crew, frariedogs91, Jadewhisper, Dinosaurfeathers n Antilocapra. I LOVE UALL SO MUCH. U REALLY DO NOT GET HOW MUCH UR GUYSES COMMENTS MEANT TO ME BUT LKLKSDJLKSDJKLA I LOVE U ALL!!!
> 
> This is the first time m finishing a fic so ouuahhsdhhhs EMOTIONAL WRECK. but i hav to go to bed.
> 
> If y'all wanna, come yell ur thoughts at me on my insta at CitrineGator.
> 
> TY AGAIN FOR READING!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> In the first draft of this Gordons sister didnt live in another state and Tommy got to drive him to her house and I am going to have to bring that back at some point because it was honestly golden.  
> (!! i aint got no beta readers so if y'all notice a grammar mistake or anythin in the text feel free to let me know!!)


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